More information on the British GP fight...

The British Grand Prix saga is far from over, despite Bernie Ecclestone's claim that it "looks certain" the race will not happen next year.

Ecclestone says he has broken off talks with Silverstone's owner the British Racing Drivers' Club, but with the 2005 calendar not published until 10 December there is still plenty of time for a deal to be made.

So what is behind Ecclestone's latest salvo in one of Formula One's longest-running battles?

WHAT IS ECCLESTONE'S PROBLEM?

He wants there to be a British Grand Prix, but at a track that matches his high standards and at his price.

Unlike the new venues in Malaysia, China and Bahrain, Silverstone is not funded by a government so cannot afford to spend hundreds of millions on lavish facilities.

Nor can the BRDC afford to run the race at a loss, which it says is what would happen if it accepted Ecclestone's current offer.

DOES ECCLESTONE DECIDE THE RACE'S FATE?

Yes. He owns the promotional rights to the race, and in his role as F1's commercial supremo, organises the calendar. If he wants to drop it, he can.

DOES HE HAVE A HIDDEN AGENDA?

Ecclestone is exasperated with the BRDC - but the feeling is mutualAlmost certainly, but no-one knows what it is.

Many believe he wants to end up controlling the British GP at Silverstone, or even owning the track, which he denies.

The issue is not helped by a long-held antagonism between Ecclestone and the BRDC, the roots of which are lost in the mists of motor racing history.

Ecclestone and BRDC president Jackie Stewart have also had a difficult relationship for at least three decades.

WHEN IS THE DEADLINE FOR A RESOLUTION?

The official 2005 F1 calendar is published on 10 December, but even if Silverstone is not on that list, its fate is not necessarily sealed - last year the French Grand Prix was not confirmed until January.

HOW CAN SILVERSTONE SECURE ITS GRAND PRIX?

The BRDC needs to seal a deal for the promotional rights to the race, which are owned by Ecclestone following the decision of US company Interpublic to extricate itself from its loss-making motorsport business.

The issues holding up progress boil down to the length and price of the contract. Ecclestone will want any deal to include provision for the improvement of the Silverstone site.

Some say the BRDC could help itself a bit more by developing its massive grounds, either with a new track, or into a multi-use area generating income, rather than just as a racetrack and driving school.

This is an approach favoured by the Nigel Mansell-backed Brand Synergy consortium, to which the BRDC has given a cool response so far.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ECCLESTONE'S OFFER?

The BRDC wants a two-year deal followed by talks over the next five seasons, while Ecclestone is offering a one-year deal with an option on the following six.

Silverstone's large crowds are not enough to cover Ecclestone's fee. The BRDC says Ecclestone's offer does not give it the security it needs to embark on a major redevelopment of Silverstone; Ecclestone says it is non-negotiable.

Another major sticking point is Ecclestone's asking price for the race.

Although he has reduced the fee for 2005, the deal calls for 10% compounded interest over the next seven years, which the BRDC says it cannot afford.

The only revenue a host track can generate is through ticket sales. All other monies from the staging of an F1 Grand Prix are trousered by Ecclestone.

Ecclestone is offering the BRDC the cheapest contract in F1, but even at this price the club says it cannot afford to pay without risking bankrupting itself.

SHOULD THE GOVERNMENT HELP FINANCIALLY?

Depends on your point of view.

The "No" camp would say a shortfall of a couple of million seems like small beer but that is just the thin end of the wedge - fork out this year and next year Ecclestone increases the price a bit more and so on.

Governments in places like China, Malaysia and Bahrain are funding Grands Prix as a promotional tool, but for how long? Britain doesn't need to do that and critics would argue that the money would be better spent elsewhere.

The "Yes" camp would say the race is a vital cog in the future of the British motor industry and the sport's heritage, not to mention the UK's credibility for hosting events such as the Olympics.

And if the government can back a multi-million-pound 2012 Olympic bid for a two-week event, why not a race that happens every year?

But the government says it has already pumped £16m into the motor industry and £8m into the circuit to improve access and facilities.

COULD THE BRITISH GRAND PRIX GO ANYWHERE ELSE?

Not really. Donington Park in Leicestershire is the closest in terms of facilities but is still a long way off.

A race around the streets of London would take several years to be finalised, even if the anticipated mass protest over traffic, cost and noise pollution it would spark from residents of the capital could be overcome.

WHY SHOULD BRITAIN HOLD A GRAND PRIX?

It's an image and heritage thing.

Britain is the centre of the world's motorsport industry - although it is highly unlikely that the F1 teams based in the south-east would leave the UK if the country lost its race.

And the race's supporters argue that a major political and economic power and a proud sporting nation should be able to stage a Grand Prix once a year.

Britain is also one of only two countries to have held a Grand Prix every year since the inception of the F1 world championship - the other being Italy.

Fans say losing Silverstone, one of the last remaining classic tracks, along with Spa, Monza, Suzuka and Monaco, would render the sport soulless.

These older tracks, they say, often produce better racing than the modern computer-designed autodromes. And if all races are held on similar tracks with the same team and driver winning, the argument is that viewers will eventually switch off.

IS THIS TO DO WITH A TOBACCO AD BAN?

Probably not. There is likely to be a worldwide ban at some stage and teams will have to find the money in other ways.

They already use liveries which resemble cigarette brands without actually stating what they are and even are looking into developing this idea further when a tobacco ban does come into force.

Getting to grips with being 30.....

Isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. OK - I get the occasional crack about my age, but on the whole, I don't feel any different. Admittedly, I do miss Dad, and I guess that it will take a while for that to subside, but on the whole, my family have been very supportive.

The samosas went down a storm, and within an hour, all that was left were a few crumbs! So, I guess that they must have been good! Me? I munched a couple of them, and as they were a good size, decided to skip the lunch at the pub, as I would be too full to contemplate working this afternoon. Mind you, I very often don't feel like working on a Friday afternoon anyway!

On a different note, I've had some really good news. I've got a date to collect my new car! It's going to be next Friday, and I've been able to book the afternoon off, in order to collect it! I will admit, that I'll be sorry to see my little green flyer, but I know that I can't keep hearking back to the past, as I'll never be able to move on with my life.

Time to call it quits - got paperwork that needs attending to...

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Another year, another birthday..

From all the fuss that is made about turning 30, you would expect to wake up feeling totally different - more mature somehow. But, the only thing that I feel this morning, is knackered! Simply because I got a 'phone call at 05:00 from some horrible person who shall remain nameless (you know who you are, as you read my blog!)

But, despite that, it has been a good start to the day, as I got to my desk, only to have found that my colleagues had decorated my desk with banners proclaiming my age! Thanks - as if I needed reminding. But, despite that, it was done in good humour and it's a nice touch.

There's also the tradition of bringing munchies into the office... I've obliged by a small box of Thorntons toffee, but as one of the girls is leaving tomorrow, we both said that it was pointless bringing in two lots of munchies on two consecutive days. So we're doing a double munch tomorrow - we're going to order 100 vegetable samosas from a local shop that will deliver to the office.

Time to call it quits - got 'phone calls to make.

Back later...

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Tired - and I don't know why!

It's not as if I've pulled many late nights recently. If anything, I was flat out last night, before the end of Mastermind! I seem to recall waking about 23:30, squinting at my alarm clock, and then going back to sleep.

But, I had a slight lie-in this morning (I was up at about 07:30, instead of 06:30), so I guess that could explain the reason why I'm tired -too much sleep instead of too little! The reason why I managed the lie in, was because for three days this week, I'm working from 09:30 to 17:30.. The other two days, I work (or rather attend) between 09:00 and 17:00...

As I promised in a previous post, the cuttings that I took from my Tradescantia are thriving, as are the other plants. The only one that seems to refuse to do as I want, is the gloxinia - the damned thing just won't die down - even though I'm refusing to water it!

Having said that though, the other plants are thriving, even if my Sinderpuss did look a bit sorry for itself when I brought it in to the office... But, once I'd given it a damned good drink, it perked up no end!

Rats - being summoned to a meeting..

Back later.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

There's something about Sundays...

That seem to bring out the worst in British drivers. Take for instance, the idiot that insists on breaking at the slightest kink in the road - and it's not even what I would call a slight bend! Then when you get a spot where you can safely overtake, the idiot puts the power on, and accelerates!

As you can tell, I had one of those in front of me this morning, as I had to nip out to get some bits (milk, cat food, a paper, etc) and I wasn't speeding for once - I was traveling at about 55mph... (The speed limit on the road I was traveling along is 60mph). But, unfortunately for me, I got the classical Thou shalt not pass - 40 mph is my limit.

So, I waited patiently, until I got to the point on the road where I knew I could overtake. I put the indicator on, and accelerated past, only for the prat to accelerate! That annoyed me, and I made sure that he got a dose of symphony in airhorn minor, as well as a soaking - amazing how well my car can produce rooster tails in the wet! (For your information, rooster tails are the twin trails of water that the rear tyres produce whilst traveling.)

The supermarket was mayhem - screaming / squealing little brats, demanding sweets, and generally being very annoying (including the kid that refused to move so I could get at the cat food, and screamed blue murder because I gave it a slight nudge with my shopping basket!)

So, as soon as I was able to escape that nut house, I headed for home. The return journey was ok, until I came up behind some silly cow in a Nissan Micra, who pulled out on me, causing me to stand on the brakes (she'd badly underestimated my speed!) and then tried to brake test me, when I was getting into position for an overtake.

That wasn't the end of the games with her though - I got level, and the stupid bitch accelerated. That really annoyed me, as that put me into a more dangerous position than was really necessary. Thankfully, I was able to use the power of my car to out accelerate her, and then, when I got to the 30mph speed limit, the silly bitch was crawling all over the back end of my car!

If I'd stood on the brakes, she'd have been straight into the back end of me, and would have screamed blue murder that it was my fault. Err excuse me - the highway code states that you must allow adequate stopping distance.

If I remember rightly, the distance (in dry weather, with good road conditions and good tyres (which are correctly inflated)) is 23m (75ft). (For more info, see http:///www.highwaycode.gov.uk/) In wet weather, again with decent tyres, you should allow at least double the normal stopping distance.

I know that this makes me sound like I'm trying to teach the world to drive safely - I'm not. All I'm asking for is a little common sense, and I'm the first to admit that I drive too fast. But, I do have one thing slightly in my favor - I've done some advanced driver training, so in theory, I'm just a better qualified idiot.

Time to call it quits - I've got to give the cats their annual flea bath... Fred's no problem, but I've still got to try and catch Ponto!


Back later - if Ponto hasn't ripped me to shreds!

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Songs for sad times

There are some songs that just seem to sum up a relationship... The Vangelis & Anderson song - I'll find my way home sums up the relationship between myself and a good friend of mine. He's really sweet, and has always been there to support me (and give me a swift kick up the backside if he though I was being a bloody fool!)

You ask me where to begin,
Am I so lost in my sin?

You ask me where did I fall,
I'll say I can't tell you when.
But if my spirit is lost,
How will I find what is near?

Don't question I'm not alone,
Somehow I'll find my way home.


My sun shall rise in the east,
So shall my heart be at peace.
And if you're asking me when,
II'll say it starts at the end.

You know your will to be free,
Is matched with love secretly.
And talk will alter your prayer,
Somehow you'll find you are there.


Your friend is close by your side,
And speaks in far ancient tongue
A seasons wish will come true,
All seasons begin with you.

One world we all come from,
One world we melt into one.

Just hold my hand and we're there,
Somehow we're going somewhere,
Somehow we're going somewhere.


You ask me where to begin,
Am I so lost in my sin?
You ask me where did I fall,
I'll say I can't tell you when.

But if my spirit is strong,
I know it can't be long.

No questions I'm not alone,
Somehow I'll find my way home.
Somehow I'll find my way home.


Despite this, we've been through an awful lot together, and when I have felt at my lowest points, and been unable to turn to my best friend for whatever reason, he's always been there, with a box of tissues if necessary!

Time to call it quits - I think the appetite on legs is going to cough a hairball up on my bed!

Revolting moggy!

Back later - if I've caught him in time, otherwise it will be tomorrow...

Karen
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Talking about a funeral service (goodbye Daddy)

There's nothing more emotive for me at the moment, than JMJ's Oxygene - part 1. Simply because this was part of the music that I chose for Dad's funeral. As it was a non-religious service (I think the correct term is Humanist), there were no hymns, or sermons. Just tributes from myself, my cousin (who was Dad's Godson) and one of his work colleagues.

I know I keep mentioning Dad, and I guess that now is as good a time as any, to elaborate a bit more about the funeral. It was held at Oakley Wood Crematorium - without a church service first. OK - I know that some people will be horrified at that, but Dad was not a church going person.

So, rather than do was people in the community expected us to do, and hold the funeral at the local church, then go on to the Crem, Mum and I opted for the simple ceremony, where we could remember Dad.

We met the undertakers at the Crem, instead of following the hearse from the family home to the crem, as both Mum and I were of the opinion that Dad would have hated being gawped at by people he had little or no time for.

The music that I chose to enter the chapel to was Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells - Part 1. I was quite aware that it was the theme to the Exorcist movies, but it was a piece of music that both Dad and I liked, even if we did fight over the CD. It was his, but I kept swiping it!

We entered the chapel, and as I was giving a tribute, I had to sit one the end of the bench. That was ok - apart from one thing - I got so close to the end of the bench that I nearly fell off! The only thing that stopped me was Mum grabbing hold of my elbow. Still, Dad would have had a damned good laugh at that!

The minister (for want a better term) did a reading, and then asked me to step up to the lectern. All I could see was the coffin on my right, and I will admit, I was scared witless, until I remembered what a good friend of mine (who was at the funeral with his partner) told me:

"Just look at it like you're telling your Dad what you feel - that will make it easier for you kiddo. People will find the way you react during your tribute to your Dad more telling than anything that you may say."

I will admit, that it made it slightly easier than I'd realised, but it still didn't seem real to me. The other two tributes were lovely - my cousin reminding us all of Dad's sense of humour - one of his comments was "the only time this family seems to get together is for hatch, match and despatch" which unfortunately, turned out to be horribly accurate.

The tribute from Dad’s workmates had us all laughing – especially when it was said that “we practically had to nail Dave’s feet to the floor, to give the rest of us chance to get a look in on the job – he was so eager to get on with it!”

That is, I guess where I get a lot of my characteristics from. People who met me for the first time at the funeral said that I looked like Mum, but my manner was similar to Dad. That made me really proud, and I said to more than one person, that if I was half as successful in my chosen career as Dad, I would be more than happy.

The music for the committal (where the coffin is removed from the chapel – we asked for the curtains to be drawn, as neither Mum nor myself could have coped with seeing that!) was JMJ’s Oxygene - part 1 – which I was told was a warped choice, given that it was a cremation!

I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. All that I care about is the fact that Dad had a good send off, and was surrounded by people who loved and admired him. As we left the chapel, the exit music was Barber’s Adagio for Strings, which was the theme music to Platoon – a film that I knew Dad liked.

It was also on a CD of mine – the very best of Classical Chillout – and I ended up having to burn a copy for Dad, as he kept trying to get his own back, and swipe my CD for once!

Time to call it quits for now – opening up my psyche hasn’t really done me much harm, but it has stirred up feelings that had been quiet for a while…

Back later - possibly. It all depends on how I'm feeling.

Karen


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

This posting stuff's getting scary....

I never realised just how addictive posting could be, until I was browsing through several pages on Ceefax (the BBC's text based TV information service) and thought - I could use that information as a post for my blog.

But, I guess this just gives me somewhere to vent my feelings - and those people who know me, know that I used to do a similar thing when I was at university, with an online diary of sorts, on an external account. It was just something to help me pass the time away, but unfortunately, I kept it updated, instead of updating my notes!

Despite that, I think I got the better end of the deal, as all the people I knew at university, very few have been able to utilise the degree that they got in their job - unless it was computer related!

However, that doesn't stop the regrets, as I left quite a few friends behind when I quit. I also left quite a few a*holes, but that's something I have no regrets about, whatsoever!

Time to call it quits - got stuff to do 'round the house.

Back later.

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Shell shock...

I didn't get chance to post this blog yesterday, as I got asked to attend a meeting with my immediate supervisor and line manager. I thought that I was for the high jump about my blogging activities, but nothing could have been further from the truth!

It transpires that I'm to be given an additional field of responsibility within the department - earthmover tyres! As I've said in the past, all I know about them is the fact that they are big and expensive, and the machine tends to be yellow.

But, as my line manager admitted, when he knew that one of the earthmover specialists was leaving, he knew that as I'm such a petrol head, I would relish the chance to get my fangs into the role.

Damned right. Car tyres I can talk about 'till the cows come home, but it guess it's a legacy of my upbringing. I mean, I was brought up with cars, motorbikes, tractors and aircraft. So I guess that the next logical step is for me to start on the earthmover stuff.

Thankfully, I'm not getting slung in at the deep end (with the concrete waders!) As I'm going to be trained up on all the various requirements, and will hopefully be set loose before the start of the race season. Guess I'd better explain that bit....

There's also the chance for me to get the training that I would have cheerfully sold the appetite on legs to get - the motorsport side! The only downside is that I won't be let loose on the real stuff that I want to work with - the Formula 1 stuff!

I guess I'll have to start small, and see if I can get to that goal. But, at least I'll learn something about bike tyres, so I can talk to my best mate on a more technical level than I can at the moment.

Sure, I can talk about the general set up of a bike, but as I'm not a rider (yet - something else to aim for - and something else that Mum would skin me for if she knew what I was up to!) I can't comment on the handling of a bike running xyz tyres.

However, I'm going to keep that as an additional goal - at the moment, my main priority (aside from making sure that Mum's ok, and sorting out the reminents of Dad's estate) is getting to grips with the earthmover stuff.

Time to call it quits - got places to go, and people to annoy...

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Wondering what will hapen to Silverstone...

As Silverstone is the home of British motorsport, I just hope that Bernie Ecclestone (the head honcho of F1) will allow this circuit to stage the British F1 GP next July... I've been to the last four British GPs (2000 - 2004 inclusive) and have thoroughly enjoyed myself each time...

SILVERSTONE ROW HISTORY:

June 1998 - Bernie Ecclestone sells rights to British GP to US company Octagon

December 2000 - Octagon agrees 15-year lease of Silverstone to run British GP

March 2003 - Octagon pulls out of its motorsport business because of debts, leaving race needing new promoter

Sep 2004 - Britain omitted from provisional 2005 calendar because of lack of agreement on promoter

Oct 2004 British GP named on draft 2005 F1 calendar

This is what BBC on-line (http://www.bbc.co.uk) has to say about the affair:

Silverstone's owners say a deal must be in place by the end of October if the 2005 British Grand Prix is to go ahead. The dispute between the British Racing Drivers' Club and F1 chief Bernie Ecclestone rests on contract details.

BRDC chairman Ray Bellm told BBC Five Live: "The main bone of contention is that Bernie wants a one-year contract with a six-year extension.

"We want two years with a five-year extension. Our crunch point is the end of October."

The World Motor Sport Council meets on 10 December to finalise the 2005 calendar, but Bellm wants to finds a solution well before then to allow the BRDC the planning time required to stage the race.

The British GP has been given a date of 3 July on next year's draft schedule but a commercial deal must be agreed before the race is confirmed.

Ecclestone, however, has already warned the BRDC that his offer to save the race is not open to negotiation. "We can't negotiate any more on this," Ecclestone told the Daily Express.

"They are on the calendar for the moment but we have to have a decision on this soon."

Ecclestone prefers a one-year deal, with a six-year extension dependent on the progress of improvements made to the track and its surroundings.

The current negotiations are not thought to involve Brand Synergy, the company which includes Nigel Mansell as one of its backers. However, the group is still hopeful of persuading the BRDC to join forces to safeguard the future of the British Grand Prix.

France and San Marino were also given provisional dates by F1's governing body the FIA on Wednesday. Ecclestone is limited to 17 Grands Prix a year by contract with the teams and must trim his draft calendar of 19 if he is to avoid a costly pay-out.

This year he had a multi-million pound bill for paying the teams to participate in an 18th race.

I just hope that this is sorted out, otherwise British petrol heads will have to travel overseas to see what I personally consider to be the pinnacle of four-wheel motor sport.

Time to call it quits - I need to grab a bite for lunch.

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

More jokes from America

Again, I know people will think that I'm taking a swipe at Americans - nothing could be further from the truth. The jokes I tend to post on my blog have all been sent to me by Americans - to whom I am indebted for their kindness, and more to the point, all the jokes!

Law Enforcement

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. Two hours later they come out with a badly-beaten bear who's yelling, "OK, OK! I'm a rabbit......"

 Here's another gem from America:-

A Letter from a hillbilly dad to his son

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Mom read in the paper where most accidents happen closer than 20 miles to home, so we moved. I won't be able to give you the address 'cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day, I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. It only rained twice this week... Three days the first time and four days the second.

The coat you wanted me to send you... Your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home. It said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, up she comes. About your Mother... She has a lovely job. She has over 500 men under her - she is cutting grass at the cemetery.

About your sister... She had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so don't know if you are an aunt or and uncle.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out... He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

Your uncle Bo fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off. Even got out twice to pee. He drowned. We cremated him ... He burned for three days.

Not much news this time ... Nothing much happened.

Write more often.

Love,

Dad.

But, with this joke, I'm taking a swipe at the way we're living our lives - and I admit - I'm guilty of at least 90% of this!

You know you're living in 2004 when...

1.You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. If you don't have your mobile on you, you have no idea what your huband's / wife's / girlfriend's / boyfriend's phone number is.

11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

12. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

13. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

AND..............

14. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

15. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your friends.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no #9

17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself.

 One final thought...

Life explained...

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

 Hopefully, this explains just a little bit about my sense of humour. Those who know me, will know that this is only just a small sample of the jokes that I have a tendency to send to people.. The rest tend to be stored in my head, and I rarely get the chance to post them, but I promise I'll do my best....

Time to call it quits - I'm supposed to be working!

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Knackered - and ready to string someone up!

As the title says, I'm knackered. Ok - the scare I had in the car this morning woke me up (for an hour or so), but now I'm starting to doze again. Why? Simple. The blasted alarm system triggered this morning at 02:33.

There was no reason for it, as both cats were upstairs - Fred snoring on my bed, and Ponto was sulking in the study - I'd told him off earlier in the evening for coughing up a hairball on my bed!

I grabbed my dressing gown, and flew downstairs, muttering expletives, and switched the damn thing off. There was no reason for it to trigger (well, none that I could find) and I started to walk back upstairs, only to have the appetite on legs (Ponto) decide that as I was up and around, he could have breakfast!

I gave him a few cat biscuits, which he ate, and then just sat there, looking at his bowl, then looking up at me, as if to say "is that all I'm going to get?" Damned right. I had no intention of feeding him all night - not when I had to be up at 06:30!

Mum had also been woken up by the alarm, but fortunately for her, she has today off, and the only major thing that she has to do, is take the 307 into the garage to get the indicator cluster sorted out in the offside front headlamp.

Hmm - suppose I'd better answer my 'phone before it drives me barmy.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Trying to wrap myself around a kerb...

And no - I'm not joking. I got it wrong on the Myton Road island, heading to work, and as I started to turn towards my exit, the car decided to go straight on - towards the kerb. If it hadn't been for the fact that I'd done skid pan training about three years ago, I would have lost the front end of the car.

So, after that, I did back off the throttle - a bit. But, I doubt if it will slow me down for very long, as I'm one of these people that just has to push my limits in the car. I can get away with it in this one, as I've had it long enough to know its quirks, but the new one will be a totally different kettle of fish. If I try to pull some of the tricks in the new one, then there is every chance I will do one of several things:

* Kill myself
* Write the car off
* Write the car off AND kill myself

But, whatever happens, life's too short to worry. Although Mum wouldn't be too happy if she knew what I was like when I'm on my own... But this morning, I get the impression that someone was looking after me this morning, and all I can say is thank you.

Back later - it's starting to get busy...

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

I hate trying to configure my computer!

As the title says, this has been driving me scatty. Why? Because I'm using speakers that are 'not supported by Microsoft Windows ®' so half the fancy gizmos that the new operating system can do, are soddin' usless to me.

Needless to say, I've found a way 'round this. It's not something that Billy Gates would approve of - but this is my computer - and I decide what I do to it, to make my sound system work or not..

Suppose I'd better call it quits - I've got to be up at 06:30 tomorrow morning, and the appetite on legs is giving me the evil eye...

Back tomorrow.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big faty hairy human in the bath?

Getting bored of US politics

Before I get hoards of complaints about this - it was sent to me by an American e-mail friend! And given the current state of American politics, I felt this was rather appropriate!

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV 0773H.

Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell.

Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI6 for help. They cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."

To be honest, I've had enough of politics to last a lifetime. All we seem to get is lies, lies and excuses, and the British Prime Minster (a certain T. Blair) seems to be more interested in saving his skin for a third term in office, than in answering a straight question, and explaining why he dragged Britain into George W. Bush's war.

And I get the feeling that 'Shrub' was determined to go one better then Bush Snr - and take out Saddam. And no - I'm not one of Saddam's supporters. I just feel that there had to be a better way of removing him, and that the task should have been completed back in 1990 - during the First Gulf war, when the allies had the backing of the Arab world.

Time to call it quits - nearly time to escape.

Possibly back later...

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Getting into mischief... Or not as the case may be!

As you can tell, I'm getting bored. I've decided to take some cuttings of one of my plants - a Tradescantia. It serves two purposes - it makes the plant bushier, and allows me to propagate some more of the plant, so I can plant them into the same pot, should the cuttings take of course! I've also got another plant to bring into the office - a Sinderpuss aureus (Devils ivy). So, when this arrives on my desk tomorrow, the plant rota will read (for the winter season anyway!):

1 x Spathillium "Mona Loa"

1 x Chlorophytum verigata (a spider plant by any other name!)

1 x Tradescantia zebrina (Wandering Jew is this plant's other name - no idea why!)

4 x cuttings (not sure if these will survive yet - will keep you posted!)

1 x Sinderpuss aureus

The summer season will have the addition of the two Gloxinias - a Kaiser Fredrich (this is now called Emperor Fredrich for some reason!) and Hollywood.

They're all plants that thrive with me in the office, and in the summer, when I've got the other two plants (the Gloxinias), my desk tends to look like a jungle (or a greenhouse - depending on who you speak to!). Despite the comments, I find it rather relaxing, and have decided that what I am going to get next growing season, is some insect repellent sticks.

These ingenious little devices sit in the compost, and as soon as the invading greenfly lands, and decides to have a snack, it gets a nasty surprise - the plant has something noxious in its sap stream, and this does one of two things - either kills the offending aphid, or gives it such bad indigestion, that it goes elsewhere for lunch!

Hmm - looks like I'm about to get given some more work.... And I'm beginning to give serious consideration to swapping my in tray!

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Back in the posting habit...

After a short break from posting, I'm back in the hot seat. Yesterday was a little too manic to post, and to be honest, I didn't know which way was up! I also realised that I need to get another top for the company's Christmas do - as most of my clothes are casual, and not really suitable for this sort of do!

So, I've got to go shopping. And guess what - I loathe shopping. So, I've got no idea what I want to get, other than the fact that it must be something that I'll wear again - I'm not one of these women that will only wear a top once only!

The worst part is, the colours that seem to be in fashion this winter are black, cream or dusky pink. The black and cream are not a problem - the dusky pink is - simply because I look awful! But, I've been given some ideas, and I can see that I'm going to team up with a good mate of mine - the sort who'll tell me if I look soddin' awful in a top!

Rats - got some work being passed my way..

Back later...

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Jumping to the wrong conclusion - again!

But that's nothing unusual for me! I called my friend as soon as I was out of the office, expecting to talk to this voice mail, only for him to answer the 'phone! I asked if everything was ok, and he told me that he'd not been able to reply to the text message that I'd sent to him, as his 'phone was playing up!

He explained the situation (and I'm not going to elaborate - suffice to say that he was helping out his girlfriend - more than that remains between the two of us!) and that he was feeling a little bit guilty about having to change our plans at the last minute.

That didn't worry me in the slightest, as he was decent enough to call me before I finished work, and also left me a voicemail to let me know what was happening (after a fashion) as I couldn't answer my 'phone - I was on a work related call!

But, we've re-arranged our get together - nothing more drastic than a coffee, a chat and a film on DVD - for next Tuesday night. That way, both of us can get the various arrangements in place to make sure that neither of us have upset members of our respective families and or significant others.

Time to call it quits - got a CD that I want to make a copy of for the car...

Back tomorrow.

Karen.


Do spiders scream when the see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

The best laid plans..

If there's one thing that I've learnt, it's never to make plans with my best mate, and expect things to go smoothly. The same thing has happened yet again - he called me and left a message on my answerphone, which said that he needed to take a rain check on us meeting up tonight, and that he would call me sometime to explain.

Ok - I can live with that, but it is damned annoying at times, when you've made plans for an evening... However, I'll live, and no doubt I'll get a phone call at some awful time in the morning, because he needs someone to wibble to.

Time to call it quits - it's after 16:30!

Back later...

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

I didn't expect a post!

As the title says, I didn't expect my blog to publish my posts from this e-mail! But, having said that, it can prove to be a lot of fun, updating the blog, without looking like I'm web surfing! *Grin*

To be honest, I haven't had much time to update my blog today, as I've been kept busy working on various bits and pieces for people, but things have calmed down a bit, hence the reason I can run this update, and also look like I'm doing some work.

After I finished my shift at 16:30 yesterday, I walked to the garage where I was meeting Mum, and spoke to the salesman who's been dealing with both of us, told me that there had been a change in the build dates. One car is supposed to be being built on 14/10/04, and the other is supposed to be being built on 21/10/04!

They're hoping to have the dates confirmed in a few days time, but until then, we don't know which car is being built when! I've also asked if I can have a set of carpet mats for my car...

The salesman told me that they (the dealership) would do me a good deal, as the mats I want are usually £29.99 inc VAT... But, I was quite pleased with that price, as the mats for my current car were £37.49! So I was more than happy with that quote, and toddled home a happier little tigger.

Mum has the 307 booked in for the indicator problem on Friday, and that way, she can find out what's causing the problem - hopefully! Personally, I think that the car needs to be re-wired completely, that way, the problems should hopefully be solved! But, when Mum sells the car, then it's down to the new owner to sort out - not us!

Time to call this quits - nearly time to escape!

Back tomorrow...

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Wondering what to do...

As you can tell, I'm getting bored. But, despite that, there are some customers who are making me laugh - especially those that try to get me to move them to the top of the back order list, despite the fact that they have only ordered (or enquired about) the tyres today. Even if I could do that, there is no way on this earth that I would do that - it's more than my job's worth!

Plus, I will admit, I'm clock watching. But, only because I'm finishing at 16:30 today. As I've said in a previous post, I'm meeting Mum at the garage, because she's not happy with the car. There have been comments, after it got liberally coated in seagull shit whilst she was at work, that "shit attracts shit".

That made me laugh, but it also set me wondering if that was the reason that the mouse attempted to set up home in my car's engine bay - it was trying to join its relatives that Mum jokingly says I've got in the car. (Apparently, my car's power isn't measured in horse power, mine's measured in mouse power - I doubt that very much, as I take the cats to the vets in my car - Mum refuses to take the risk of Ponto throwing up on her leather upholstery! Thanks - my car's got velour upholstery - at least leather's easy to clean!)

Hmm - more work's winging it's way to me.

Possibly back later.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Back at my desk - and getting bored!

There are only so many calls you can take, before you start getting bored... And I'm fast approaching my limit.

Having said that though, there is plenty to keep me out of mischief - for about 30 seconds anyway! And after that, then it takes more than Solitaire to keep me occupied. Unfortunately, the company won't let me bring in Divine Divinity to play - otherwise, I'd be in my element, and have completed more of the game than I do at the moment.

But, knowing my luck, I would get to a call, just as I was in the middle of beating heck out of something that was trying to kill me... And me being me, wouldn't be able to save quick enough to prevent my character being slaughtered like a pig, and me having to restart the bit I was playing, as I don't always remember to save after a huge punch up!

Mind you, this is the first time that I've tried posting by e-mail. Ok - it arrives at my blog, needing a little bit of work (formatting the signature colour, and other minor bits), but it does make it that much safer for me, as it doesn't look like I'm web surfing. Simply because the company is starting to crack down on those of us web surfing whilst we're at our desks. (For some reason, they think we should be working!)

Time to call it quits for now - got some work landed in my IN tray... I'm tempted to swap my in tray for the rubbish bin - that way it cuts out the middleman!

Back later.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

A quite day..

But not for me. Simply because I've taken over some more of the admin work in the department, and for some reason, people have taken to generating even more paperwork than normal!

I've also go to go and meet Mum at the local Peugot dealership, as the 307 has yet another problem. This time, the offside (right hand) indicator cluster in the front headlamp has packed up. The side repeater's working fine, as is the rear indicator cluster. The only way that the problem can be picked up, is by the fact that the idicator on the dashboard flashes that much faster than normal.

Time to call it quits - nearly time to get back to my desk - but thankfully, I don't have that long to wait, as I finish at 16:30 today!

Back later....

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Copying music

I'd never really bothered with the Windows media player on my home PC... Until now. I was playing around with a CD (no - it wasn't the Rasmus - it was Mike + the mechanics) and it (Windows media player) hooked up to some website of database, and gave me all the info on the album (OK - I admit it - I didn't know I could do that!).

As soon as it did that, I was hooked. I'm now in the process of copying most of my CDs (the ones that get played on a regular basis!) to my computer, so I can play them whilst I'm working on various bits and pieces.

I've also been on the 'phone to a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless & sexless unless I'm told otherwise!) as this person was rather distressed. But not as distressed as I was, when my blasted bluetooth headset decided that the battery was about to give up the ghost! But, thankfully, I was able to switch to the handset - even if it did make playing on the computer that bit harder!

Time to call it quits - lunch is ready.

Back later...

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Getting something for Dad..

No - I'm not going 'round the twist. It's just something that both Mum & I agreed to do, when we were coming to terms with our loss.

So, we decided to go to Stratford upon Avon - yes - the home of William Shakespeare. The reason? Simple. There is a very good china & glass shop there called BW Thornton (it's at the top end of Stratford by the Shakespeare birthplace trust).

It doesn't look very much, but when you get inside, it holds some of the most beautiful pieces of glass and pottery that you could wish to see. Everything from Isle of Wight Glass to pieces by Sidi Langley and pottery by the Dennis Chinaworks (designs by Sally Tuffin - she of the wonderful wildlife designs!) to the traditional Moorecroft pottery and enamels.

Mum and I were having a look, and the pair of us fell for a small vase by Sidi Langley. It colour matches several pieces that we have in the collection, and every time I go into that shop, all I can recall is Dad trying to talk me out of a perfume bottle that I'd seen for Mum's birthday.

Again, it was a Sidi Langley piece, and he was worried that Mum wouldn't like it. I knew better, and when Mum opened the box on her birthday, the look of delight was something to make me smile, even now.

It wasn't wildly expensive - I think it was about £56 (no idea what that is in other currencies, so please don't ask me!) and the pair of us have agreed that we'll get one piece of glass a year for the collection - be it a paperweight, perfume bottle or other, but the only restriction is that we both like it, and that the piece costs less than £60. Unless it is an exceptional piece that we both like, then the price limit is up for discussion!

I've also agreed to do my best to overcome my severe sea sickness, as Mum wants to go to the Isle of Wight next year. Unfortunately for me, the only way to get there is by ferry. So, I've said that I'll go into the pharmacy, and see what I can take to prevent myself throwing up everywhere - but the only request that I make, is that it doesn't make me sleepy, as there's a good chance that it will be me doing the driving, as I cannot read a map for love nor money!

So, I've sent a request to the Isle of White tourist board (http://www.islandbreaks.co.uk/) to get the relevant information, and see what there is to do on the island. I knew about the glass making - that's the main reason why Mum wants to go (that and the fact that she and Dad were planning to go next year!) and I also want to go.

Why? Simple. There's a peculiar thing called a garlic farm there (see http://www.thegarlicfarm.co.uk/ for details!) - and I am a garlic addict - much to the dismay of my work colleagues I may add!

Time to call it quits - I'm getting glared at by the appetite on legs again - he's being ignored whilst I'm on the computer, and he doesn't like it. And more to the point, I don't think my Jaffa cakes are safe with him around!

Back later - if I can get the peace and quiet!

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Mine is but to post...

And I make no apologies for this post. All credit goes to an old friend of my late father's - if you're reading my blog big fella - many thanks for the jokes!

Now read this.... And draw your own conclusions....

While America Slept

By David H. Hackworth

You’d think a Hollywood screenwriter scripted the “Saving Private Jessica Lynch” spectacle the Pentagon produced last year. But that five-sided propaganda factory with its battalions of well-trained deceivers came up with this particular fairytale – about how a Special Ops unit snatched a beautiful blonde American heroine from Iraqi fiends – all on their own.

Why? In late March of ‘03, the invasion wasn’t going according to plan. Guerrillas were popping out of the desert like sand flies, gumming up the U.S. attack, and General Tommy Franks – having gone in far too light and without the right force mix – was in trouble. So the spinners came up with a scheme to distract an easily gulled American press corps and divert public attention.

First the real story behind Lynch’s rescue: A daring Special Forces team out of Fort Campbell, Ky. – operating deep behind enemy lines – learned from an Iraqi source that an American soldier was being held in a nearby hospital. They quickly sent the Iraqi back with a concealed camera to determine how the hospital was secured, critical information that was then flashed to the team’s command element.

On 1 April, Special Ops guys conducted a flawless raid – taped by Pentagon flacks for the entire world to watch as it unfolded in all its live-fire, heart-pounding ultimate reality show glory – against no resistance whatsoever, since the Iraqi defenders were long gone.

Lynch, it turns out, wasn’t wounded in action. She was badly banged up in a vehicle accident which occurred while she and her mates were trying to escape a guerrilla ambush. She not only never fought with her rifle and trench knife as the Pentagon had leaked, she never even got off a shot – because she was out cold from the time of the collision until she woke up in the hospital. Where the Iraqi docs couldn’t wait to transfer their well-cared for but terrified patient to Special Ops control.

Because the Iraqi lawyer Mohammed Odeh Rehaeif – who became famous for saving Lynch – was considered unreliable by the Green Berets, his info was never used and the true hero of the rescue was the unsung Special Forces source, who pocketed his modest pay and disappeared.

Not that the truth mattered. Rehaeif was flown to the States, given a lofty position with a White House-connected Washington law firm, signed to a six-figure book deal and, as with Lynch, spun into legend.

Lynch garnered a Bronze Star for her “heroics,” the Purple Heart for “wounds received in action,” a mega-buck book deal – and millions of proud Americans got to view her “gallantry and sacrifice” in an NBC TV docudrama. To keep the press bamboozled, she was locked up under tight control in Army hospitals with a convenient bout of amnesia.

In its micro way, the Lynch scam symbolizes the miasma of deception surrounding the invasion and the ugly unsolvable occupation already causing the direst consequences to our national security.

From post-9/11 to the present, the war too has been based on lies fanned by the same Pentagon propaganda machine busy doing everything possible – including the censorship of our troops in Iraq for “national security purposes” – to convince the American people that, as we sadly heard for eight bloody years in Vietnam, there’s “light at the end of the tunnel.”

We went to war because we were told Iraq had WMD that threatened our country’s security and that Saddam was a key player behind 9/11. Both have been proven to be super whoppers.

We were also told that liberating Iraq would be a cakewalk with few U.S. casualties and would cost no more than a billion bucks – which would quickly be repaid by Iraqi oil. Yet more duplicity.

So far I count 1,050 American dead, 7,750 combat wounded and about 30,000 non-battle casualties. And our war costs are already close to a cool $200 billion.

Meanwhile, Super Flack James Wilkinson, the reported Spielberg of the Lynch saga, has recently been shifted from desert duties to advising National Security Advisor Rice on how to further deceive the American people.

Like Vietnam, the cover-ups and distortions will continue until the press and the people wake up. Hopefully that will be before the count is 3,000 or 4,000 dead American soldiers.

Col. David H. Hackworth (USA Ret.) is SFTT.org co-founder and Senior Military Columnist for DefenseWatch magazine.

Complaints – shouldn’t happen on a Friday!

I loathe dealing with whinging customers. Especially when they take their grievances about the company out on me! It’s almost as if it’s my personal fault that the tyres they ordered on Monday have failed to arrive, and when they ask for an AM delivery, some bright spark here promised an AM delivery…

And when he didn’t get his AM delivery, muggins here is the one who cops the abuse. This guy said that he was fed up with the service, that we always let him down, our drivers ignore instructions for urgent deliveries, and what have you. Funny how he only complains when the customer is there… I guess that it’s his way of making himself seem better in front of the customer.

But, I don’t care. It’s not my problem, and if he’s petty enough to complain about us when the customer is there, then that’s not my problem – that’s his.

Time for lunch…

Back later - if I get the peace and quiet!.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Legacy of a crash [part 2]

Well, the price for the same day delivery has been given… £165 + vat. Glad it’s not me that has to pay that! Call me tight fisted if you like, but the problem only arose due to our system failure on Wednesday.

I know one thing – it’s taught me to make sure that I use the manual ordering system, when the computer ordering system is unreliable!

Bugger – there goes my ‘phone. Suppose I’d better answer it.

Back later.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Legacy of a crash [part 1]

Just what I didn’t need. An order that I manage to force into the ordering system on Wednesday, (when it was up and running after a fashion) has come back to haunt me.

The truck tyres that were ordered haven’t arrived and the guy at site is going mad, as the truck that they are to be fitted to is going for the MOT on Monday, and the company that owns the truck isn’t open on Saturday, so that negates a Saturday delivery.

The worst part is, there has been a crackdown on same day deliveries, and due to the system being down on Wednesday, the transport system didn’t register the fact that there had been an order placed.

So, as I type this, we are waiting for a price to see if the same day delivery can be sorted… I hate computers at times like this!

Back later [possibly].

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Do pigs fly to the bacon slicer yet?

Just one of my quick answers when I get asked if a certain tyre is in stock yet. It tends to be truck tyres that get this response, and thankfully, it does make life a little easier, as most customers have a good sense of humour. You do get the occasional one that has sense of humour failure, but that’s just one of the perils of this job…

Hmm – suppose I’d better answer my phone…

Back later [possibly].

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Inside Out..

Listening to a Bryan Adams song - Inside Out, reminds me of the way that my best mate and I are with each other - even though he's very happy with a super lass.

Inside Out
Bryan Adams

 The biggest lie you ever told
Your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
The longest night you ever spent
The angriest letter you never sent


The boy you swore you'd never leave
The one you kissed on New Year's Eve
The sweetest dream you had last night
Your darkest hour, your hardest fight


I wanna know you, like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I want to know you, inside out


I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out


The saddest song you ever heard
The most you said with just one word
The loneliest prayer you ever prayed
The truest vow you ever made


What makes you laugh, what makes you cry
What makes you mad, what gets you by
Your highest high, your lowest low
These are the things I wanna know


I wanna know you like I know myself
I'm waiting for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I wanna know you inside out


I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout,
I wanna know you inside out


I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
You know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out

I wanna know your soul, I wanna lose control
C'mon n' let it out
I wanna know you inside out


Ya gotta dig down deep, lose some sleep
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out

I wanna take my time, I wanna know you're mine
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out

For me, this song sums up the meaning of a true friendship. Someone who knows your darkest moments, and your hopes and fears. Ok - I know that some people will find it a weird set up that I am such good mates with an ex, but as I've said in a previous post - we didn't split up because on cheated on the other - we split up because we were too good together as friends to be anything else.

Time to call it quits - I've got to get to my room - there's a program on BBC2 (Horizon) about the new theory on the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Back tomorrow.

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Sharing a joke…

There are some people who can make a day seem an awful lot brighter, by sharing a laugh. The best example today, has been the Scots fella who was ordering some tyres for a Peugeot 307 XSi.

He wanted a particular tyre type, but unfortunately, there’s more than one variety of this tyre, and ideally, you need to match like with like. We talked about the car – I’ve driven the 307 110 HDi diesel turbo – which is extremely fast – for a diesel! Mind you – I made a bad mistake a couple of years ago…

I took on what I thought was a standard diesel, only to have the damn thing accelerate, and chew me up then spit me out in little pieces! It was a blasted 110, not the 90! But, that’s not the only time I’ve bitten off more than I can chew…

When Mum was in hospital, after having surgery on her arm to remove one of the plates, Dad and I had gone to visit her – the pair of us in separate cars, as he was going to work (he worked at Birmingham airport – those people who know me, know who Dad used to work for!), and I was going to head back home.

Well, we headed for the hospital, and at the major traffic island (the junction of the A45 & the A46) I was first at the traffic lights, with a BMW along side me…. I looked over, and saw the M-series bodykit on the car, and assumed that the driver had more money than sense… And that the car was a standard BMW. Boy – did I get that one wrong!

The lights changed, and I accelerated, expecting to leave the BMW for dead. No chance. The BMW hit the powerband, and that was it. I was eating rubber. Dad found it hilarious, and said to Mum:

“Our daughter’s an idiot – she took on an M-series BMW in her car.”

“Hang on a minute – I didn’t know that it was an M-series – I just thought it was someone with more money than sense. I didn’t realise that it was the real McCoy!”

“Didn’t you see the twin tail pipes?”

“Not until he was past me.”

 That caused much hilarity, and even up to the day he died, Dad used to tease me about my mistake – but thankfully, that was the only one that I admitted to! If he known what I used to get up to (and still get up to) he’d skin me!

Time to call it quits – there are too many people about to blog safely at the moment!

Back later [possibly].

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Back from lunch…

And there’s nothing that makes me wish I was back on my lunch than the fact that I am bored stiff. I’ve done all the work that needs to be done, and I’m having trouble staying awake.

But, I’ll say one thing – having a warped sense of humour can pay off at times. One of the sales reps called into check stock, and whilst I was waiting for the computer to give me an availability, he told me a joke – if you’re easily offended, may I suggest you skip the rest of this post!

A man goes into the doctor’s and says that he’s got real problems. “Every time I sneeze, I get an erection.”

“That’s awful,” said the Doctor. “Are you taking anything for it?”

“Yes,” replied the man. “Snuff mainly.”

As soon as the guy had told me the joke, he said that he was a bit worried, as jokes like that were grounds for me to make a complaint to HR (Human Resources). That had me laughing, and I said that there was no need to worry - I appreciated that sort of joke!

Hmm – suppose I’d better look like I’m working, instead of blogging…

Back later [possibly].

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Catching up…

Is a pain in the bum! But, thankfully, I’ve got the calls made to the customers that I took manual orders from, and got most of the bits and pieces sorted out.


Now all I’ve got to do, is try and keep myself from strangling the moron that called me, wanting to order a tyre that is on a back order. He can’t seem to get it through his thick skull that there are none available for the next five days at least!


Hmm – time to call it quits – I’m gonna strangle this one!


Back later [possibly].

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Working with Word ®…

It’s the only way that I can keep adding to the Blog. I’ve managed to save the last few entries, and that way, I can see what I’ve ranted about.

Despite that, I’ve had a couple of jokes sent to me – the only one that had me sniggering, so I’ve decided to post it on the blog as it was rather appropriate…

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" is feminine -"la maison." "Pencil" is masculine -"le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

Just something that made me smile – especially given what the computer has been doing to me today!

Back later [possibly].

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Never trust a computer.

Especially when you’re trying to do some work. The entire network has had to be put onto a backup system.

‘We are currently experiencing problems in the wide area network that is causing long response times with all external systems. Though the problem is still on going, we have diverted our traffic over the ISDN backup system which is unaffected by the fault. This means that we currently have acceptable response times but limited capacity.

I will send another email when the problem is fully resolved, but in the meantime can you refrain from using non-essential systems such as Internet browsing and E-mail.

Sorry for the inconvenience’

 So, here endeth the blog entry for now!

Back later – if the computer lets me!

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Get a solicitor involved? You must be joking!

I’ve just spoken to the people who usually deal with probate matters… They have advised me to do the work myself, as it would be considerably cheaper - approx. £130, as opposed to £500 or more, if we got someone else to do it!

Call me tight fisted if you like, but I’d prefer to do the work myself, and ask for advise as and when I need it, as this could prove easier for me, and (I know this sounds horrible) at least I know what to do when Mum dies.

I’ve also spoken to Mum, and she’s agreed with me – the best course of action is for us to do the paperwork ourselves, and then file the necessary documents at the probate court.

Hopefully, there’s a closer court than Birmingham, as apparently, you have to go in and swear some kind of oath (I guess it’s along the lines of that the information given is true, etc.) and then the certificate is issued, and can be sent off to the relevant people, and Dad’s estate can be sorted out, and the files archived on the computer.

Time to call it quits – got calls to make!

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

There are times when I could cheerfully wring someone’s neck. Care to volunteer?

Just spoken to the probate office. Because the insurance policy is over £5k, then there is the requirement to go through probate, which can take about two months or more!

Apparently, it is quite easy, but the lass I spoke to said that we needed to declare all of Dad’s assets – that were held in his name only. Because the majority of the assets were in joint names, they don’t count, but there are some bits I need advise on.

So, the lass has arranged for one of her colleagues to call me during my lunch break, and I can talk things through with him, and see what the best course of action is – i.e. if Mum & I do the work, or if we just let the family solicitor loose.

Hmm – looks like things are starting to work. Not.

Back later.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Dratted insurance companies… Why can’t they be more helpful??

Why is it that you try to make a claim on a life insurance policy, the company throws as many obstructions in your path as they possibly can? We’ve been told that the claim had been authorised, but as it was over the company limit, we need to go through probate.

Which is a pain in the backside, as everyone else has been a real help, and has agreed that there is no requirement for this. Simply because Dad’s will stated that everything had been left to Mum and there are no other claimants on the estate. I don’t count, because I’m classified as independent, as I’m earning my own money.

The worst part, is the fact that Birmingham office that I’m trying to contact has a recorded message, to say that the reception is on restricted hours, due to staff training, and that if you leave a message, they will call you back. Fine under normal circumstances, but knowing my luck, they would call me when I was unable to take the call.

So, I’ve decided to call them during my lunch break, and see what happens. The last time I called them, they were really helpful, and gave me the information about what to do, and whom I should contact when I needed help.

Suppose I’d better answer my phone before it drives me scatty!

Back later.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Yawn – why are meetings so boring?

And if I had the answer to that question, I’d make a fortune! Simply because I’d have found a way to brighten up meetings, and avoid falling asleep, and getting nudged by a colleague, in order to stop my subtle (or not so subtle) snores!

Thankfully, that didn’t cause too much trouble, as I’d already admitted that I was knackered, and had gotten very little sleep last night. What I didn’t admit to, was the fact that I’d done my usual trick, and spent most of the night reading. (You expected me to say that I’d been up playing Divine Divinity!)

But, the book was really worth it. It was the second of the Kelley Armstrong books I’d bought the other day. To be honest, Industrial Magic was better than Dime Store Magic, but you really needed to read Dime Store before Industrial, in order to understand the various bits and pieces.

Me being such a bookworm, I’ve started to read another book – this one’s called The Saga of Darren Shan – Vampire blood. It’s really good, and I will admit, I was loath to put the book down at the end of my lunch-break!

Hmm – more work to do…

Back later – possibly.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Why have I got a soddin’ headache?

There must be some conspiracy to drive me out of my braincell today. That and the fact that someone keeps trying to call my mobile – with a withheld telephone number, and as soon as my answering back service (sorry – voicemail!) cuts in, they hang up.

If it was so important that he / she / it contacted me, then they would surely leave me a voicemail to get me to call them back. But I get the impression that I know who it is, and at the moment, all they are managing to do, is leave a list of missed calls on my mobile.

By the same token that’s the reason why they won’t send me a text message, as the mobile number is listed, and I could identify the caller / sender from that.

So, as far as I’m concerned, no voicemail or text message, then you won’t get a response from me – as I now refuse to answer unlisted numbers on my ‘phone, as the last time I did, I got more hassle than answering the call was really worth.

The other thing that’s trying to drive me out of my braincell, is this headache. It feels like eyestrain, but I know that it can’t be due to my contact lenses, as I’ve got the new ones in. So, I get the feeling that it may be due to my screen settings being wrong, as well as the theme colours finally driving me spare.

So, me being me, I’ve altered the theme to something a little more relaxing… The cursors are quite good – little starfish, and things like that, and the icons are good as well. The best bit though, is the fact that the colours are restful to the eyes – fairly close to the Windows system standard colours – which I will admit are fairly innocuous.

But, there is one other thing that drives me out of my braincell – is the speed (or lack of) my computer! I ask it to do something, and it just sits there giggling – almost as if to say ‘You expect me to do this fast? Forget it!’ Needless to say, this infuriates me, and causes me all kinds of problems with my work, as it delays me completing an order, and also can result in me doing a manual order.

That’s when I abandon the computer, and grab the old fashioned pen & paper, and then check the computer for the stock when its decided to do some work for me! The trouble is, it then results in a phone call to the customer, and telling them that the tyres are in stock or on a back order (i.e. we’ve got no stock, and are waiting on more coming into our warehouse).

Time to call it quits – got a meeting to attend (and fall asleep in!)

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Waiting patiently is hard to do…

As the title suggests, I’m finding the wait for my new car somewhat trying. But, I’ve been given a build date of 18/10/04, so hopefully, I should have the new car for the end of the month!

The best bit is, that I’ve not told anyone at work that I’m getting a new car, and when ever I’ve been asked, I’ve been rather evasive! So it should be quite funny to see the look on people’s faces when I bring the blue flyer into work!

I’ve also got to book my remaining half-day’s holiday, in order to use up my allocation before the end of the year. So, I’ve put in for a half day in the end of November, so that I can do some Christmas shopping.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve not got that much to do, but it will give me chance to get a few bits and pieces – including Mum’s footspa. Thankfully, she’s off, so she can help me pick out the right one for her, and also have a look for a few bits for my Godsprog.

But, the trouble is, I don’t have the foggiest what to get her. I mean, what do you get a three year old girl, who seems to have everything, and is more interested in her pony than dolls?

I get a feeling that I may be taking a trip to Walsall, to see if I can get her something to do with the pony, as that seems to be where her interests lie at this moment in time.

I’m also going to speak to her mum, and see if she has given any indication of what she would like for Christmas… I know that’s cheating, but to be honest, what else can I do?

Time to call it quits – my ‘phone’s ringing.

Back later – if I get chance.

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Mentioned in despatches...

Talk about blowing your own trumpet. The charity I nominated for the company’s charity of the year has been selected! How do I know this? Simple. It was in the company’s internal newsletter!

‘We are looking to adopt the Northampton & Warwickshire County Air Ambulance (also known as the Princess Diana air ambulance), based in Bagington, as our Charity for 2005. This is the aircrew who recently appeared on the television. This charity was suggested by Karen of the Contact Centre. Many thanks for your suggestion Karen and lets see how much we can raise for them.

The Company will look at asking staff on the first Friday of every month who participate in a "casual dress day" to donate the minimum of a £1 to the charity. Thank you for your continued support.’
 Wow – just goes to prove what an e-mail in the right place can do! But, having said that, it is a charity that I support, and at Dad’s funeral, instead of flowers, we (Mum & I) asked that donations were made to the Northampton & Warwickshire County Air Ambulance.

This was because it was something that he believed should be supported by the National Lottery good causes fund, instead of being purely funded by charitable donations, because he saw the good that an air ambulance did when he was travelling in North America.

Time to call it quits – the ‘phones are going mad!

Back later - possibly.

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Weird films and other stuff...

If I didn't know better, I would swear that Dreamcatcher was based on a Stephen King book.(Feedback to let me know if I'm right, or scatching the wrong post would be much appreciated!) Don't get me wrong, I loved every second of the film - and have deemed it another must get for my ever expanding DVD collection!

I will admit, it freaked my friend out, and she sat for the best part of the film, cuddling a cushion, and hiding when some of the worms made their presence known. I won't say anymore, but to those who read Stephen King books, it will come as no surprise the style of the ending...

Onto a slightly touchy subject - Christmas. I always jokingly say "Unh, no-one mention the c-word" - just a slight twist on a line in Beetlejuice! Because Mum is at work this weekend, I made the most of it, and escaped into town (Leamington) and managed to get part of Mum's Christmas present.

She knows that I'm going to get her a Remington Footspa, but this second bit, is unknown to her. I've bought her a perfume bottle. Ok - I know that doesn't sound much, but I'd better explain a bit more.

Mum and Dad used to collect what is commonly known as Studio Glass - i.e. the stuff that is still blown by hand. Good examples are Okra (it used to be part of the Moorcroft pottery group) and John Ditchfield (he of the wonderful glass lilly pad paperweight - complete with the little silver frog!)

This perfume bottle is made by an English glass-making company, in the Lake District - Heron Glass. It's all iridecent blues, greens and golds, and it's just the sort of thing that Mum would go for. The best bit is, the fact that I've been able to hide the bottle in the study - as it's one of the two rooms that she won't willingly venture into - the other one being my room, as she's never sure where the cats are hiding!

Time to call it quits - I can see the moggies giving me the evil eye again, as they're not getting any attention from me, and Ponto looks like he's going to eat the computer mouse if I don't sign off!

Back tomorrow - I hope!

Karen.

Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Listening to my choice of music for once…

That’s the worst bit about having to share a car. I can’t listen to my choice of music. At the moment, I’m blasting the airwaves with Jean Michele Jarre’s latest album – Aero. (There's a specific website for this album - see http://www.jeanmicheljarre.com/) It’s really good, and sounds absolutely phenomenal on the car stereo – with the windows open!

The best bit (for me) is the fact that I managed to get the album with the limited edition DVD of some of JMJ’s videos. I’ve never seen any of them, but I have been lucky enough to see him in concert in Paris a good few years ago. (One of the joys of being an airline brat – I was able to get cheaper tickets to places like Paris!)

So, that’s something for me to look forward to tonight – I’m going to see my gosprog, and her mum is a big JMJ fan, and has got a super home cinema setup (5.1 Dolby surround sound), so we’ll be rocking the night away to JMJ and other music stuff!

Rats – my phone’s ringing – suppose I’d better answer it.

Back later…

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

Jut another little part of my job. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Much. But there are times when the best laid plans go astray, and that’s what I find annoying – having to break a promise to someone.

But, I should have known better, as the promise was made on the assumption that a tyre collection could be made, only to discover that the quantity is too great for the collection to be done today.

Needless to say, I’m less than impressed, and have been promised that the collection will be done on Tuesday. But the annoying part (for me) is the mere fact that I had to make the call to the customer in the first place, to see if the tyres had been picked up!

Time to call it quits – before I go and splatter something!

Back later…

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off...

The paperwork I’m doing is repetitive, and trying to read the handwriting at times is like trying to decipher a soddin’ code. I wouldn’t mind, but when I write out the same paperwork, I make damned sure the handwriting is clear!

Despite that, it’s good practice for me, as I’m going to be taking responsibility for this particular aspect of the work. I need a training session or two to get me into the swing of what should be done, and that way, I know that if I goof up, it won’t cost the company too much money…

Time to call it quits – got more work to do.

Back later…

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

Knackered (again)

Self inflicted though – I was up until 02:30am this morning, playing Divine Divinity. (For details, see http://www.larian.com/ ) The trouble is, the game is addictive, walking ‘round beating heck out of Orcs, spiders and other nasty creepy crawlies that try to kill you. You also have various quests to solve, in order to progress though the game, and to be honest, it does take quite a bit of thought, trying to get the various bits to come together.

Having said that though, I find it rather relaxing, to sit there fighting these creatures with various spells, as my character is a mage / warrior. There are three basic classes of player – warrior, survivor (or thief) and mage – but you can combine the skills from all groups to make a mage / warrior, or any combination that you fancy.

Time to call it quits – looks like I’m about to be let loose on some paperwork…

Back later…

Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?

First of the month…

And I’m expecting this to be mayhem. Simply because this is the insane time when every person in the country, who needs tyres, gets them ordered from us. I don’t mind, but there are times when it gets a bit too much, and I get very little peace and quiet from my ‘phone. Plus, I have to get the two reports done and e-mailed to the various people.

But, I can’t complain too much – I actually prefer to be busy, otherwise I find my fingers get me into trouble, as I can sit here doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things to my computer, which gives the IT department nightmares… *Grin*

Time to call it quits – got work to think about doing…

Back later…


Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?