Walking in the Shadows

Random musings from Warwickshire on life in general... Things that make me laugh, make me cry, things that wind me up beyond all endurance - and everything in between.

Jokes to brighten a gloomy day

It's not been a nice day today - in fact, it's been bloody cold. But these jokes have really made me giggle.

So all I will say is enjoy (and I take no responsibility for them - other than posting!)

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


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As I've matured:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned that if its not broke, don't try and fix it.

I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

I've learned that if its not broke, don't try and fix it.

And:

Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole?

It is called the anal optic nerve.

It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

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