Walking in the Shadows

Random musings from Warwickshire on life in general... Things that make me laugh, make me cry, things that wind me up beyond all endurance - and everything in between.

Hopes and dreams

Well, it looks like Amber is slowly improving, but it breaks my heart to see the kid all wired up, and needles going into her small body, in an attempt to get the antibiotics into her system, so that she has a chance of fighting off the infection.

My daft friend has been a real angel, and sent me the most beautiful picture of a sunset attached to an e-mail...

Karen hi,

I hope that you are ok.

I am sorry that I couldn’t be there for you, I feel as tho I had left you alone to deal with Amber, but we are so far apart it ain’t easy.

Here is that picture of the sunset I told you about - it does look as tho there is a star in the middle doesn’t it?



I hope you like it. God bless you and keep you safe may he watch over you for always. God looks after his own and he’ll look after you and Amber, trust me he will.


Take good care munchkin and I’ll speak soon.


xxx
That reduced me to tears, and I don’t mind admitting it, as at this moment in time, I’m emotionally wiped out, and this was the final straw for me.

But, thankfully, I’m skilled enough to cover my tracks where Carole is concerned – the only people I can’t fool are Julian & Quentin – and my ex, who has been a tower of strength to me.

Despite the fact that we’ve “split up”, he’s been a real help, and has made things as easy as he can for me, and has said that if I need someone to lean on, then all I have to do is call him. I know he means well, but at this moment in time, I'm having enough trouble with my emotions going haywire, without adding him into the mix again.

Time to call this quits - I'm going to try and get some sleep tonight.

Back tomorrow...

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Worrying times...

It never rains, but it pours. Amber has been taken in to intensive care, with a major infection, and is on massive doses of antibiotics.

All I can do is pray that the little rat pulls through, as I have to admit, I miss the little tyke pulling my earrings…

Back when I get chance – I’m going to call Carole and see how Amber is...

Karen.


I walk where others fear to tread

Opening the floodgates..

Well, today has been a real eye opener in more than one way.

I met my daft friend at Gaydon, and he seemed somewhat subdued, and I will admit to being somewhat apprehensive about spending the day with him, as he seemed... Distant somehow - almost as if his mind was on something else...

The exhibits didn't seem as good as I remember them being, but I did enjoy looking at them, and seeing cars that I remember thinking were the height of sophistication (before I learnt to drive, I might add!)

After we'd been around the museum, we headed for a near-by pub, and sat chatting, and again, I felt that there was something that was troubling my friend, but me being me, I was unwilling to press the issue, as I felt that if he wanted to tell me what was bothering him so much, then he would talk to me...

As neither of us fancied what was on the menu, I decided to head to the Blue Lias - and found that it was closed, so resorted to my second choice - the Buck and Bell - I was hoping that it was as good as I heard, and thankfully, it was!

And that was when things started to kick off. As we sat having dinner (I admit, I had very little appetite, as I really worried that something was going to kick off - one of these days I'll learn to listen to my instincts), my friend held my hand, and said that I looked like a frightened rabbit!

Ok - I've been likened to many things in my life, but never a frightened rabbit! We finished our food, and that was when he started to open the floodgates.

Rather than drag it all out in a place that neither of us felt comfortable in, we opted to leave and find somewhere we could talk...

Talk about setting the floodgates to maximum flow. My friend poured his heart out to me, and seemed terrified that I was going to explode at him, and refuse to have anything more to do with him.

That was the last thing that I was going to do to someone who was as emotionally vulnerable as that - so vulnerable in fact, that he cried his heart out on my shoulder. All I could do was hold him, and re-assure him that no matter what happened, I was always going to be there for him - come hell or high water - there was no way I was going to abandon him.

Time to call this quits - I need to get some sleep tonight if I can - as I don't mind admitting that my mind is whirling around faster that hurricane Catrina!

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Worrying about rat-bag....

Ok – I know that I’ve not updated my blog for a couple of days, but there’s been so much going on, that I’ve just not had chance to think straight.

I’ve now had the MRI on my shoulder, and I don’t admitting that I’m apprehensive. Ok, it should show what the problem with my shoulder joint is, but at this moment in time, I’ve got more pressing things on my mind.

My god-sprog has been taken back into Birmingham Children’s hospital, as one of the valves in her heart has started to leak, and has been causing real problems.

And the worst part is I feel like I’m going to crack up under strain of seeing her all wired up in the hospital. Ok – I admit my daft hog riding friend has been a god-send (I think I’d have gone even more doo-lally than I am at the moment!) but there’s only so much that he can do for me, as he's so far away....

Julian and Quentin have been angels and have been providing somewhere for us all to chill out, and in mine and Rachel’s case, providing us with somewhere safe to sleep, breakfast the following morning, and a swift kick up the tail to get us out the house to work.

But, thankfully, rat-bag seems to be on the mend, and I’ve got something special to look forward to – I’m seeing my daft friend very soon, and I’ve got to admit, I can’t wait to see him again…

Guess I should call this quits, as Julian wants his computer back - dratted pest! *Grin*

Back when I can get near a computer.

Karen
I walk where others fear to tread

Walking away - for the time being....

Well, it’s hit the fan. What am I talking about? My relationship.

We’ve decided to call it quits - ok – I’ll re-phrase that – I said I wanted out, in order to get my head together, and allow myself time to realise what the hell I do want from my life.

Ok – maybe I should have done this the end of June, instead of rushing straight into another relationship, but at the time, it seemed like the best thing for me.

I admit that I’m not exactly the easiest person in the world to get on with, as I can be a terrible flirt, but there are times when I felt suffocated, and that was the last thing I needed to feel.

To make matters worse, I’m still having to work with my ex, but I’ll give him his due, he’s been totally professional when he’s been dealing with me, and has given no indication that we’ve (ok – I’ve) called time on our relationship.

Admittedly, it hurts like hell seeing the pain in his eyes, but until I know what the hell I do want, I’m no damned good to myself or anyone-else for that matter.

Time to call this quits – opening up like this is really stirring things that should be left well alone….

Back when I can get some semblance of order to my train of thought….

Karen

I walk where others fear to tread

Pushing the boundaries again....

Well, it looks like things might be coming to a head. I knew that my partner wasn’t particularly happy about me going to Dublin, but the mere fact that I’ve had the guts to take him on, over his niggling at me has really made things worse between us.

What is it about me? I seem to attract the control freaks, and at this moment in time, I’ve got enough on my plate without adding him into the mix.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but at this moment in time, I’m not sure what the hell I do want, but I know that I need to take my time, and not rush into anything, as it could come back to haunt me rather spectacularly, especially as we have to work with each other…

But, there is one bright spot on my horizon… My daft hog riding friend has been in contact with me again, and has started to make plans to meet up with me the end of this month at the Heritage Motor centre at Gaydon.

So, no matter what happens between me and my partner, at least I’ve got that to look forward to, as I have to admit, I really do enjoy his company.

Ah well, time to call this quits – I’m going to head for home – and it’s amazing how bad my mobile reception’s going to be! *Grin*

Back tomorrow.
Karen

I walk where others fear to tread

Ever felt like...

Wringing someone's neck, because all they've done is take the mickey? Well that's how I'm feeling at this moment in time. And the person responsible knows damned well that they are skating on very thin ice with me at the moment.

The person, to whom I’m referring, is my partner. He’s making the most of the fact that I’m still knackered from my trip to Dublin, and has been joking about me not being with it.

All he’s doing at the moment is really putting my back up, and I’m getting to the stage where I’m going to tell him exactly what I think of him at the moment, and it won’t be pleasant – for him anyway

Time to call this quits – I’m going to sort this out once and for all.


Back later – if my temper has cooled off.

Karen

I walk where others fear to tread

Back from Dublin... What a weekend!!!

Ok - I know one thing - the Irish can party alright, and I was debating whether I'd bitten off more than I could chew!

The flight out from Birmingham wasn't too bad, and I'll say one thing for Ryan Air - the service was basic, but the flight was reasonably comfortable.

Once I'd arrived in Dublin, I realised just how thankful I was for my heavy cord jacket, as the wind was whipping across the airfield at Dublin International airport... Then, it was off to get into the city centre. The bus was the cheapest way to get to the centre of Dublin..

But the powers that be were not looking after me, as the damned bus broke down! That was a minor inconvenience, and I soon found myself walking to my hotel.. It didn't look very impressive from the outside, but the room itself had the things that I considered essential - an en-suite bathroom (with a bloody good shower) and a comfortable bed!

Once unpacked, it was then off into the city centre to meet up with White Wolf and his friend, and hit the first bar that we found... I can't remember the name of the bar / pub, but it wasn't far from Temple Bar, and that was where I had my first pint of Guinness... Which was quite tasty!

The evening went quite fast, and I soon realised that Guinness hits me a damned sight harder than I realised, and sits in your stomach like a three course meal! So that was the Friday night....

Saturday, the gang spent exploring Dublin, and went to the Guinness storehouse - a must see for anyone going to Dublin, I was told. (see http://www.guinness-storehouse.com/home/home.asp )Ok - that's fine, but if you're like me, and suffer vertigo, it's not funny. Simply because the viewing tower has a glass floor... Ok - the views over Dublin are spectacular (you can see the Landsdown Road rugby ground from there) but it frightened the proverbial **** out of me!

Saturday night, we met up with the gang again, and unlike the Brits, the Irish start their partying late, and finish later than the Brits... We ended up in the Porter House, listening to live music, with a bloody good band, and good beer to top it off! The thing that made me laugh, was when the lot of us piled into the pizza restaurant opposite, at 03:30, as we were all starving!

Sunday, however, the city appeared to close down, so it was a chance to just chill out (and try to recover from my hangover - yes - I did suffer!) But luckily for me, Dublin has loads of coffee shops that are open on a Sunday, so I was able to sit and chat with White Wolf, who was returning to Cork that afternoon... I wasn't worried about that, as I was meeting up with a friend who lived just outside Dublin...

The Sunday night was just as much fun as Saturday night - if a little quieter... We ended up going to some little music club, where the Guinness was very good, and the music was loud... Needless to say, it was another late night for me, or should that be an early morning? I finally got to bed about 04:00 on Monday morning, and was thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't flying back to the UK until the evening, thus giving me chance to get some sleep!

Monday was spent doing the last minute shopping for various gifts and silly things, including me buying a T-shirt with a picture of a pint of Guinness on it, and the words the leprechauns made me drink it.

But the real surprise came when I got to the airport. Ok - checking in was painless, as all my documents were present and correct.. It was security that gave me the most 'fun'. Simply because I had to take my knee length leather boots off, and put them through the x-ray machine, and pad through the metal detector in my revolting socks! Ok - that probably gave security a bloody good laugh, but it didn't really endear itself to me...

I should have taken that as an omen of the things that were still to come. There were flights being diverted into Dublin, due to adverse weather conditions all over Ireland, and the rain was driving across the airfield, which meant that I looked like a drowned rat running to the aircraft. (No buses when you're flying no frills!)

Once on the aircraft, I had the same seat as I'd had flying out - right by the emergency exit over the wing - which meant that I had more leg room than the other seats. That was ok, until we started to take off, and I felt the wind buffeting the aircraft, and felt the pilot fighting the aircraft as we got hit by a sudden gust of wind, which caused the leading edge of the right-hand (starboard) wing to drop to about 2ft off the runway...

The passenger beside me had his rosary beads out, and was murmuring a variety of prayers, where as all I could do was sit there and hope that whatever had looked after me in the past was still with me!

Once back on the ground, I've got to admit, I've never been so glad to see Birmingham airport, as that meant that I was nearly home, and could relax, as the flight had frightened me more than I was willing to admit to people. Don't get me wrong - I'm not scared of flying - far from it - it's just that there are some times when you wonder if you've done the right thing, getting on a given plane at a given time!

But, on the positive side, all this trip has done, is made me more determined to go back to Dublin, and possibly get a hire car, so that I can explore more of the countryside surrounding the city.

Suppose I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working.. Well, that's the theory, anyway!

Back when I get the chance...

Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread

Look out Dublin - here I come!

Well, I'm all set and ready for White Wolf's 30th birthday do. I'm flying out of Birmingham airport on Friday morning, with Ryan Air and will be back on Monday night. It promises to be one hell of a good weekend, and I've been told that Dublin is very expensive to go out in...

Ok - maybe it is if you get caught in the tourist traps, but I've been advised on the best places to go and eat, as well as go out in the evening - so it promises to be one hell of a trip away for me. The only thing that I have been told that I must try is Guinness... Which I have to admit, I'm somewhat apprehensive about, as I loathe the stuff!

Suppose I should call this entry quits, as I need to be up early tomorrow morning...

Back when I get back from Ireland.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread