Happy Halloween

More from Lol Cats...

It's the company propaganda meeting today (I mean conference) and as I went last year, I've refused to go this year. So, that's meant that I have time on my hands to go web surfing, and it's amazing what you can find. These pictures (and captions) all come from the Lol Cats' website.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

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see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

A few thoughts on cat baths....by The Cat:

'I don't think I like you anymore.'

'You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.'

 

 

'Jesus, you call this water warm???'

 

'But You Said You Loved Me!'

 

 

'You Lied !!!!!!'

 

 

'E.T. Phone home......quick!'

 

 

'No, I'm not your Good Little Kitty anymore.'

 

 

'Traction....I'm losing Traction!'

 

 

'I want my Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!'

 

'No, no, no, no.....NOOOO!!!!'

 
Karen
 
Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Kitty Stutter

This was sent to me whilst I was on holiday, and I couldn't resist posting it:

**************************

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human Beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before he could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate him!

The teacher wet her pants laughing.

**************************

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

The apparent taming of Hell's kitten....

Well, Splodge seems to be behaving herself at the moment, and I’m not quite sure why.

She came and curled up on the sofa next to me, and seemed content to snooze without trying to bite / claw me or force me off the sofa so that she could have it to herself.

Why she’s decided to bury the hatchet (or rather claws & fangs) with me is a mystery to me, but who am I to look a gift horse (or in this case - cat) in the mouth.

Whatever the reason, I’m going to make the most of it – but there is no way I’m going to trust her whilst I’m asleep – the only cat that will share my bed for the time being is Fred!

Time to call this quits – I’m off to feed the furry fiends

Back later…

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Trying to tame Hell's kitten

I swear if I shaved Splodge, I would find the number "666" tattooed under the fur. Mum can't understand why I've taken such a dislike to the evil little swine – but it’s not her feet that are bearing the imprint (and more) of her needle-sharp teeth and claws.

Even poor little Fred isn’t safe from her spite. All he wants is somewhere warm and safe to curl up and sleep for as long as he likes – without spiteful interference.

I keep being told by people allegedly in the know, that Splodge is only reacting like this, because she’s trying to find her place in the bigger scheme of things. Crap. She’s just spiteful!

But, I guess that I should give the evil little sod the benefit of the doubt and try bribing her to be nice to me… I have no idea why she’s taken such a dislike to me, but if I want to be able to walk around the house in bare feet safely, then I’ll have to see how things pan out…

Time to call this entry quits – I’ve got to try and make peace with hell’s kitten.

Back later if I’ve not been ripped to shreds…

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Hell's kitten has invaded my home....

And I'm not happy. Mum and I went to the local cat's protection shelter, where she fell for this little ball of tabby fur, with a white patch on it's head. I said that it looked like a splodge of paint on it's head, and walked out.

Little did I realise that whilst I was outside, Mum was making the necessary arrangements to adopt the spiteful ball of fur that has become the bane of my life (not to mention my bare feet!)

Even though I have voiced my disapproval / dislike of this hellish kitten, Mum has fallen for it's sweet and allegedly innocent appearance - despite the fact that she terrorises Fred - who hasn't got a mean bone in his furry little body.

And before I get suggestions about trying to bribe the kitten into being my friend / that it's only reacting like this because it's scared, etc - forget it. It's a little horror, and I would give anything to have the Pont back - so he could show it (Splodge) who's boss - and it sure as hell isn't Hell's Kitten!


Back when I've fed Fred and the demon....

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Pet Rules...

I think I should get this printed, ready for use at home - especially as a new kitten has been added to the family... Don't get me wrong, I normally love cats, but I think this kitten is an evil little swine, that will never replace the Pont, as long as I breathe!

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Cats and Dogs

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats and dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, meow, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat or dog’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:


To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain about Our Pets:

1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Cats and dogs are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10.Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

When I've sat by the window, and gazed at the rain...

I’m a little calmer today, but not that much. Mum and I went shopping today, to get the last minute bits and pieces that we need four our holiday to Madeira (we fly out from Birmingham airport at 08:00 on Monday morning).

I will admit to being reluctant to go out, as all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, and cry my heart out; because it was the first night I’d spent without Ponto snoring contentedly in my room.

Ok – I know I’ve had weekends away, but since I found out just how ill he was, I stayed at home as much as my job would allow and spend the nights with him snuggled up next to me in my bed.

But, over the past week or so, he seemed to be struggling to breathe, so I got an old pillow, folded it up, and made sure that he had his head resting on it, so that he could breathe.

Even now, as I sit typing my blog up, I miss the furry little fiend, as he used to lie on top of my computer (or printer – depending on how annoying he wanted to be) and snore – just enough to drown out whatever music I was foolish enough to try and listen to on my computer.

I know there will be people calling me a bloody fool because I’m so cut up about Ponto. Yes, he was just a cat, but he was with me for a good part of my life – 13 years – and took great delight in disapproving of practically all the people I decided to see. (I almost wish that I’d listened to him at times – I might have saved myself an awful lot of heartache!)

So, I guess this is my requiem for a cat:

Farewell my furry fiend
May there be things for you to terrorise and chase
And a welcoming pair of arms to cuddle you when you want them

May there be a warm bed waiting for you
And a plate of something nice to eat
Complete with a pint of Channel Islands milk to wash it all down with

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Goodbye my pussy cat

I can hardly see through my tears as I type this. Ponto has been put to sleep, and died quietly in my arms this evening.

I’m sorry – I can’t type anymore.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Reaching the end of the road?

This evening has been one of the most emotionally draining I’ve ever had the misfortune to experience.

John (the vet who deals with Fred and Ponto) made a house call tonight, to see how Ponto is, as he agreed that it would be less stressful to all concerned if Ponto wasn’t put into the cat carrier, and came out like a furry atom bomb – complete with the teeth and claws of a small Siberian tiger!

But that doesn’t mean that Ponto doesn’t get things all his own way. John might be daft enough to agree to a home visit, but he still brings the little muzzle and booties for the cat.

He examined Ponto, and then broke the news. He wants to see him again on Friday night, and has said that Ponto is fast approaching the end, and that he will start suffering.

I will admit to being in denial (and still am as I type this entry) as Ponto was double teaming with Fred yesterday – they were playing tag and generally terrorising the life out of one of the local dogs – it was quite funny to watch the pair of them and you would not have thought that there was anything wrong with Ponto at all.

So, until Friday arrives, all I can do is cuddle Ponto and make sure that he is spoilt rotten, and hopefully, make him realise that he means the world to me.

Time to call this quits – I need to get some sleep tonight – as I can see that the next couple of days will fly past – especially as I’ve got to make sure that my understudy knows what the hell he has to do, when it comes to dealing with my OTR work…

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Happier times ahead for one, sadness ahead for another

Well, it looks like my daft hog riding friend has made his decision. He's taken the role that he was offered, and has admitted that it was a stark choice - either he took this role or he looked for another job.

But, at the end of the day, as long as he's happy (ok - make that happier than he was) - that's all that I really care about, as I hated hearing him so down.

On a more personal note, I had to take the Pont back to the vet tonight, and it looks like the end is closing in for him. I've got to take him back to the vet's once a week, so that they can monitor him, and I've been told that Ponto has weeks as opposed to months left.

I will admit I was devastated when I was given this news, especially when I think of all the happy times that the cat and I have been through - not to mention all the fun that we've had causing havoc together. Plus, I don't know how Fred (my other cat) is going to cope, as he seems to look to Ponto as his role model. (God help the poor little sod!)

So, all I can do is make sure that he's not suffering (he seems quite capable of beating up a dog when he's in the mood) and give him all the fuss and attention that he deserves.

Time to call this quits - I need to get some sleep.

Back when I get the chance...

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Leaving paw prints on your heart

What is it about a cat? They’re mercenary, aloof and in the case of the Pont, a thug.

However, having said that, he’s been a big part of my life and now he’s dying. It’s not going to be a quick death, but at least it’s going to be painless, according to the vet.

He’s suffering from heart failure, and I will admit to going to pieces when I found out. Despite this, the cat is his normal thuggish self, and seems to take great delight in beating up the neighbourhood dog population.

Last night, he didn’t seem his normal self, even to the extent that he was shivering. (I didn’t even realise that a cat *could* shiver!) So, I did something that I never normally do – I let him sleep under the quilt with me. He stopped shivering, but I didn’t have the heart to turf him out, so I let him stay where he was.

He was almost the perfect bedfellow – didn’t hog the quilt and didn’t invade my space, and snored. But, given the fact that he’s not a well kitty, I guess that I can let that little gripe go.

Mama take this badge off me,
I can't use it any more,
It's getting dark, too dark to see,
Feel I'm knocking on heaven's door.

Guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be doing some OTR work, but I’m really not in the mood to do anything…

Back later, if I get the chance...

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

I hate shopping......

Ok - I know - it's a strange title, but it sums up my day. Mum and I went to Milton Keynes today... Ok - not a problem.

The problem arose when Mum said that I needed to get some new work trousers (she's been watching What Not To Wear again!) and I HATE trying on clothes - especially when I'm wearing walking boots.

Ok - maybe it was partly my fault for wearing walking boots, but I had no intention of ending up with sore feet, because my ankle boots are easier (and faster) to take on and off (they've got a zip up the side of them.)

I got to the stage where I was less than enthusiastic, and Mum got quite irritable with me. She pointed out (rightly, I have to admit) that she was trying to help me, and that I could show a little more gratitude.

I agreed with that, but inwardly thought that I was no different to her when she was looking for something, but as I had no wish to argue with Mum at that moment in time, I kept quiet.

Despite that, it was a reasonably successful day, as Mum managed to get a new phone. She got fed up with not being able to turn her Nokia 3340 on and off (it's got the power button on the top of the phone - there's a nack to getting the damned thing to work!) So, we went into Carphone Warehouse, and she got herself a Motorola V550...

Not a phone I would have chosen, I have to admit, but I'm of the opinion that as long as she's happy with it, then that's all that matters...

As for me, well I've seen the phone that I want to get to replace my current phone... It's a Sony Ericsson Z520i. Ok - I admit that I've always said that the clam type phone isn't for me, but I've had a good look at this one, and appears to be quite robust...

Rats - I can hear the appetite on legs starting a punch up again - new year, same old trick from the cat.

Back when I get chance - provided that I'm in one piece after grabbing the cat!

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Eight legged fiends....

Well, the engineer has been out to sort the problem with the alarm. It turns out that the moggies weren't responsible at all - it was a spider walking across the sensor!

A few years ago, we'd had the sensors sealed against eight-legged invaders, but it looks like the damned things needed re-doing. The one sensor had quite a few webs in it, and a couple of small spiders that had taken up residence there.

Needless to say, Mum and I were not very impressed, as Ponto is supposed to be the moggy with the hair-trigger appetite - and he's got a thing for eating spiders. Revolting hairball!

Still, at least I know what I can do to prevent this from hopefully happening again - just make sure that there are no eight-legged fiends near the sensors!

Time to call this entry quits - I'm off to watch the Spanish GP on ITV...

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Ever had one of those days?

Well, I've had one. It started at about 03:30 this morning, when the furry fiend (Ponto) decided to take a flying leap onto the bed, to start a play fight with Fred. Ok - that's not normally a problem. But it is when I've got to to be at work for 09:00 in the morning, and deal with something that I've never done before, it's not appreciated.

Then, things got worse. There were three people off, the phones were going bananas, and there was me, trying to deal with the bloody report, and all the other crap that was slung my way. So, needless to say, I was less than impressed when I kept getting calls to deal with various bit and pieces...

But, thankfully, there are things in this world that have me creasing up with with laughter - and this is one of them...

30 Lines To Make You Smile Today

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because.. Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. This gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled.. Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.. They called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Guess that I should log off and bog off - I'm supposed to be heading over to see my other half tonight, as I'm taking him out to dinner...

Back tomorrow - if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

That rotten little ball of fleas!!!

Yep - you guessed it. I've had to take Ponto to the vet, because he's been fighting again. This time, he took on a couple of moggies, and I'll say one thing for the little sod - he's made a bigger mess of them than they did of him.

Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve a moggy like Ponto, but to be honest, I wouldn't swap him for the world. Believe that, and the next thing you know, you'll believe in the Tooth Fairy! *Grin*

Ok - I admit he's a thug in a catskin, but he's a very affectionate thug... I mean, he loves kids, and given the chance, would eat one in a sitting.

Time to call it quits - got to get ready to go out - I'm off to Birmingham for a night on the tiles... Don't know if there'll be a post tomorrow - it depends how rough / hungover I am tomorrow!

Back whenever.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Enjoying a bank holiday...

It's one of the few times that Mum's off over a Bank holiday weekend, so we decided to take a trip into Stratford-Upon-Avon, and have a quiet wander around the shops, whilst avoiding the tourist traps.

I was disheartened to discover that one of my favourite shops has stopped selling Budrum Australian Ginger Mixer - which I found very therapeutic, as it stopped the silly little aches / pains that I suffer in the cold weather.

Plus, Stratford was full of tourists - who were getting in the damned way. Ok - I know that I've been a tourist, but I like to think that I'm considerate enough to avoid blocking the pavement. But, despite that, I did manage to get the few bits I was after - the main one being contact lens solution from Boots...

Why does it have to be from Boots? Simple. Because it's Boots' own brand of all in one solution - and lets me just take my lenses out in an evening, and doesn't cause any problems for me, as it's the preservative free variety.

But there's always something to bring the mood down a couple of pegs... Whilst I was in Marks & Spencer, Mum had some silly cow ram a pushchair into her right ankle. Ok - if it had been done so that the impact pushed her leg in the forward direction, it wouldn't have been a problem. But that wasn't on the cards...

Mum's leg got pushed inwards, which hurt her knee, and meant that it felt that the knee was trying to buckle whilst we were walking back towards the bus-stop, in order to catch the bus back to the Maybird centre, where we'd left the car. (Parking in Stratford is expensive and a real pain!)

As we needed to do some food shopping, we decided to go to Tesco in Warwick, instead of battling 'round the Tesco at Stratford... Which was quiet to say the least! Mind you, it could have been something to do with the fact that the England football team were fighting (I mean playing - no I was right first time) Northern Ireland in some dumb football match...

Bugger - I can hear Ponto starting another fight! That's all I need - to have to take that furry little b'stard to the vet because he's tried to choke some mutt by jumping down its throat!

Back when I've got the little swine!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Things that make you go "Ouch"

Profuse apologies if you hurt yourself wincing guys - I will admit, I hurt myself laughing! But then again, I'm a female....

We've all had trouble with our cats, but I don't think we can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.


On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.


The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."


"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"


"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."


So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.


It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.


It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.


I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.


Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.


I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.


Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.


Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter... And not succeeding.


Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back into the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.

Which it was:


"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"


If they only knew!

Suppose I'd better do some work.....

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.


Don't let the b'stards get you down

Tails from the furry side...

I know that I've not updated my blog for a couple of days, but I've been busy with various bits and pieces - including taking the furry psychopath (Ponto) and the hippy (Fred) to the vet for their booster jabs.

Normally, the vet puts little booties and a muzzle of sorts on Ponto, as he's totally anti-vet. But, this time, it wasn't the usual vet we (the cats and I) saw. It was a locum. Fred was his normal dopy self, and purred the whole time - even when he had the jabs!

Ponto was in a different league altogether. He came out the cat basket like a furry atom bomb - with teeth and claws. I managed to grab hold of him, and asked the vet if he was going to put the booties and muzzle on him.

"I don't need such protection" came the lofty reply. As soon as he said that, my thoughts were along the lines of 'ok - on your head be it - I know what Ponto's like!' So, as far as I was concerned, it was touch the cat and stand well back to avoid the claws and fangs.

Ponto got his jabs. Eventually. But only after the vetinary nurse grabbed hold of him, wrapped him in a towel and left one little bit to get the jabs. The cat's yowls were awful - I could almost hear the expletives in the yowls - I think they were along the lines of "lemme outta here you b'stard - I'll teach you to stick ****ing needles in me!"

I will admit to being glad to go to work this morning. Ponto did nothing but give me the evil eye all evening, and even refused to sleep on the bed. Not that I objected - he snores worse than my other half!

Time to call it quits - I'm supposed to give my other half a call to let him know what time I'm going to be able to make it over to his place tomorrow night...

Back tomorrow - workload / cats etc. permitting!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down.