Talk about an adrenaline bounce!

I completed the point-to-point with Flame, and the little beauty (ok - not so little - she's 17hh!) made it round the course - all 3 1/2 miles of it!

We did really well - out of a field of 30 competitors, we came 5th! Not bad going, when you consider that Flame's only a 5-year old - which means that she's still only a baby in horse terms!

The best bit was the fact that my other half was there to see me off, and from what my friend was saying, he could barely watch the race, as he was terrified I'd injure myself.

Ok - there's a good reason for him being worried, as the last time I rode the course, I ended up in hospital with concussion as my horse had accidentally kicked my head (which was protected by a very good riding hat - the only thing that prevented a more serious injury!)

But, once he realised that I was back safe and sound with Flame, he was the first one to cuddle me, and helped me cool Flame down after the race. Even Amber wanted to help out, and was as proud as anything, leading Flame around slowly, and looking for all the world like my minature groom!

The only thing that worried me was the fact that Amber didn't look too well, and I asked her mum if she was ok... It turns out that the poor little kid has to go into hospital next week for major heart surgery.

I knew that Amber hadn't been very well, and will admit to being a little miffed that her Mum hadn't told me how ill Amber was. But, given the fact that Carole (Amber's mum) pointed out that I'd got enough on my plate, I was willing to let things rest...

Suppose I should call this entry quits - I'm off out to celebrate!

Back tomorrow - hangover permitting!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Still in pain

I must have been a real b'stard in a previous existence, if the pain my shoulder is anything to go by. I've made an appointment with the doctor, and hopefully, I'll get myself referred to a saw bones to get this damned shoulder sorted out.

I think I know the reason why my shoulder is so painful: - Ponto (the furry thug) was asleep on my shoulder when my alarm went off this morning, and I think that he must have put his full weight (about 1.5kg) on my shoulder joint.

On top of that, the ungratefully moggy bit me, because I had the nerve to move the little thug, so I could get up! So needless, to say, today has not been a good day for me.

That and the fact that I've got to attend another meeting on Wednesday afternoon, to review my progress. The company is a great believer in keeping tabs on your progress, and giving you things that you need to aim for.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not worried - much. But, I know from past experience that if there was a major problem, I would have been spoken to before now, so it's probably going to be a case of setting new aims / targets for the next few months, as well as talking though any issues that may have arisen that haven't already been discussed.

Hmm - don't really want to blot my copy book by getting caught blogging...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

The mother of all jumbos!

IT FLIES!!!! The Airbus A380 flies!!! To be honest, I will admit to feelings of sorrow and loss as I watched this new aircraft take to the skies on BBC News 24. Simply because this is the first new airbus launch that I've missed seeing from Toulouse airport.

How did I manage to watch all the other test flights? Simple. Dad used to take me to watch the test flights, because he knew that it was something that I was (and still am) very interested in.

Ok - I will admit Dad had a professional reason for being at the test flight - he was going to be the one working with the aircraft, but for me, it was a chance to see a new aircraft, and learn more about Dad's job.

But, whilst I was allegedly doing some work, I've managed to find the offical Airbus website. It's got some stunning images, and is well worth a look: http://www.airbus.com/A380/seeing/indexminisite.aspx

Hmm, guess I should call time on this entry for today - I know I appear to have a charmed life at times, but I don't really want to push my luck too far...

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Getting fed up with the kid glove treatment

I know this sounds crazy, but I’m getting more than a little fed up with people treating me like I’m made of china.

People may find this rather trivial, but to me, at this moment in time, it’s a real irritation to me, and I can’t see a way of stopping people without causing major offence.

One of the worst offenders (if I can call him that!) is my line manger. Ok – he’s seen me when I’ve been very close to breaking point, and has seen me coming into the office in tears, because I’d visited the crem at lunchtime.

Admittedly, that’s probably the reason he treats me with kid gloves, but there are times that I find it incredibly annoying, and I know damned well that if I did say anything to him, he would be really hurt.

But, I guess that it's just something that I'm going to have to put up with - especially as it's nearly a year since I lost Dad, and I guess that the façade that I present to the world is starting to crack a little - and if that's the case, then I'm scared.

Simply because I obviously thought I was stronger than this, and am too damned stubborn to admit that this impending anniversary is going to hurt like hell.

Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be doing some work!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Just a little something that made me smile...

There's something to be said about working in an office like mine... You get all sorts of weird and wonderful things sent into your inbox - this one being the latest in a long line that has been floating around...

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a well known Chinese sex therapist called Dr Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said "OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told."Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room"

Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me"

As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly, "Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

The woman said anxiously "Oh my God, Dr Chang what on earth is Ed Zachary disease?"

Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied "Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse."

Time to call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working. Well, that's the theory, anyway!

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Early Darwin award nominee

Sorry - I couldn't resist this one!!

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington USA appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop specializing in hand guns.

2. An armed security guard courteously opened the door to let the would-be robber into the store.

3. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

4. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

5. A uniformed police officer was standing at the counter, having coffeebefore work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

Here we are only in April and we already may have the 2005 winner of the Darwin Award. This guy is going to be hard to beat!

Time to do some work...

Back when I get peace and quiet!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Listening to my soul

I know this sounds crazy, but as I'm playing around on my computer at home, I'm using my Windows media player to play some of the music that I've got stored as MP3 files on my hard drive..

One of them is Muse - Sing for Absolution

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful

Tiptoe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace

There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth runs deep inside
And will never die

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace

I won't remain unrectified
And our souls won't be absolved

I guess that in a way, this song sums up how I feel about someone. Don't get me wrong - I love my partner dearly, but this other person really brightens up my day, and always seems to have the knack of making me smile or laugh when I'm feeling low, or I feel like I'm going to burst into tears.

I know that people will be trying to guess who I mean, but that remains within my soul, as I have no intention of making a fool of myself or the other person - whom I respect as a person, as well as caring for them.

Time to call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be going out with my other half tonight.

Back tomorrow - if I get chance!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Just a quick joke

There have been countless Michael Jackson jokes floating around, and so far, none have them have been particularly funny.... But this one, I felt broke the mould! And all I can say is don't blame me - this was sent to me!!

I got a new car radio last week - voice activated - and it is terrific.

If I say "Rock" it plays rock and roll.

If I say "Rap" it plays rap.

If I say "Love" it plays love songs.

Then, three kids ran out in front of the car and I said "Fu*king kids!"

And it played Michael Jackson !!

Time to call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working!

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Getting fed up

Ever had one of those days when all you want to do is tell the world to go screw itself? Well I'm having one. To be honest, I'm more than a little fed up, as people seem intent on screaming blue murder about things that I deal with to other people, but don't have the decency to speak to me.

I know I was warned about this happening, but it still irritates the hell out of me - in fact, this person would make the perfect laxative - because they irritate the sh*t out of me!

Aside from that, I've been told that I'm going to have to attend a meeting with this person - knowing full well that they've tried to stab me in the back, and will be all sweetness and light to my face. But, I can live with that, as I'm perfectly aware of this person's nature, and won't be dumb enough to get suckered in, and let something slip that I may regret later on.

On a different note, things are really looking up for me at this moment in time, on a personal front at least! My other half has said that he wants to go on holiday with me to the West Country in July!

I will admit, I was speechless, and when I finally regained the power of speech, I said that I would be delighted to go. He's said that he wants to take me to the Eden Project at St Austell - I didn't like to tell him that I've already been there with Mum and Dad a couple of years ago!

Hopefully, I'll be fit enough to climb the steps to the top of the tropical bio-dome this time, as when I was there a couple of years ago, I'd damaged my knee, and that meant that I wasn't fit enough to scarper up the top of the waterfall. Mind you, I wasn't even fit enough to walk 'round the bio-domes!

Suppose I ought to look like I'm working instead of blogging...

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

After the Physio….

Well, I’ve reached the magic sixth session of physio. Why do I say the magic sixth session? Simple. It’s apparently the number of sessions that usually mean that the treatment has made a marked improvement in the injury. The physio and I have come to the decision that I need to be referred to a saw bones.

Admittedly, the shoulder has improved dramatically – i.e. I can use the arm reasonably normally. Even if I do still get this very disconcerting “crunching” when I move the arm in a certain way!

I’ve been advised to leave it a month before I go and see my GP to get the referral, and then all I’ll have to do is wait and see what the outcome is.

Hopefully, I won’t need surgery, as I’ve said in previous posts, surgery would mean no fun for a minimum of 6 – 8 weeks, and I’ve only just started to get things going right in my life – not to mention starting to play with the Pug on track days…

Suppose I’d better call this entry quits – I promised that I would go and see my god-sprog tonight, and read her a bed-time story to get the little munchkin settled down.

Back tomorrow, if I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Trying to make sense of the past.

I don’t know what’s up with me at the moment. I’ve been feeling rather flat, and I guess that I’m just mulling over the past 15 months or so.

What makes me say this? Simple. This time last year, I was engaged, and preparing to take my fiancé to Heathrow airport, so that he could fly out to Japan on a business trip, and was wondering how I would cope for four weeks without him, as I spent every weekend with him.

Now, I’m sitting at my computer at home, mulling over the events that seemed to turn my nice, simple life upside down. I got offered the job at my present company, and went permanent with them on 04/05/04.

Then on the evening of Friday 21/05/04, I went down to Heathrow to pick up my fiancé, and for some reason, instead of spending the weekend with him, I came back to Warwickshire.

And I’m glad I did; as that was the last full weekend that I was able spend with Dad, as he died on the Monday.

At the time, I was really grateful that my fiancé dropped everything to come up to Warwickshire, and was a real help to Mum and myself when we were trying to sort out the funeral arrangements. But even now, I don’t know what caused him to change.

After Dad’s funeral, he seemed to change, and wanted me to leave my job, and Warwickshire and move south with him, and work for the same company as him, as a PA.

His timing stank, and I made damned sure that he knew how I felt about that, but he seemed to drop the idea, for a while anyway. Then, he started trying the emotional blackmail, saying that I couldn’t care for him that much, if I was reluctant to leave my job and move in with him.

I guess that was the final straw, and it helped me to remove the rose-tinted glasses that I’d been wearing where he was concerned. It was bad enough that he wanted me to leave my job, but the fact that he wanted me to leave Mum as well was the killer blow to our relationship.

I know dammed well that he reads my blog, and if you’re reading this now – I am so much better off without you, it’s untrue.

You once gave me an ultimatum – "it's me or the horse". My answer still stands – it’s the horse every time, and this time, I’ve found someone who is willing to try and get involved with my hobbies – and doesn’t begrudge the time that I spend with other people.

Time to call this entry quits – I’ve got stuff to do before I go out this afternoon.

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

MG Rover bites the dust

Well the inevitable has happened. MG Rover has gone bust. And despite the bleeding heart cries from Tony Blair and his cronies, there seems to be no depths that this government will not plunge to, in a vain attempt to stay in power.

Ok - I admit it sounds like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon - and using the MG Rover crisis to blast the government. Far from it. What irritates me, is that this government were quite happy to sit back and watch Ford pull the plug on the Jaguar plant in Coventry, with a similar number of jobs being lost, and no offers of help to re-train the workers affected.

But the minute there's an election in the offing, Blair scampers up to Birmingham in an attempt to be seen doing something to help the affected families, and hopefully, ensure that they vote for his mob again.

But, unfortunately, the words too little, too late tend to come to mind. The only time that the top brass politicians come to the Midlands, is when they need the public to vote them back into power. Well, I've got news for them. I doubt if the families affected by MG Rover's closure will vote for them again - I know I certainly won't!

Time to call it quits - it's time for me to escape.

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Trying to prevent an accident...

I could have cheerfully strangled my other half this morning. He told me that he could ride, and I didn't have any reason to disbelieve him. Especially when he showed that he could get Flame walking in a circle, could get her to change direction, and stop.

I guess I should have smelt a rat when he asked how to get her moving after he'd brought her to a stop... I told him to squeeze her sides with his legs, or just gently touch her sides with his heels. He took the second option, and his touch was far from gentle.

The next thing I know, Flame has taken off like she's in the Derby, and he's hanging on for dear life! Thankfully, I'd been saddling up Tequila, and was able to go after Flame before anything happened - like she injured herself, or my other half fell / got thrown off.

When I managed to get Flame to stop, I was shaking - but not as much as my other half. I've never seem him look so scared, and it turned out the only thing he'd ridden was a donkey, when he was a kid!

Needless to say, I was less than impressed, and thankfully, I was able to lead Flame back to the stable, where my other half sheepishly dismounted, and helped me to remove the tack from both horses, and then get them cooled off, groomed and turned out.

I guess that I shouldn't be such a grouch - at least he's trying to join me in my hobbies - and because of that, if he wants, I've said that I'll ask a friend of mine to teach him to ride - but not on Flame - she's too much of a handful for a novice rider!

Time to call this quits - it looks like I've got some work comming my way...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.
Don't let the b'stards get you down

Concrete waders anybody?

Talk about an inauspicious start to the day!! I got in this morning, and discovered that I should have sorted out a delivery for today! Whoops! Thankfully, I've been able to sort out a delivery tomorrow, but that didn't stop me feeling like a prize prat!

On top of that, I've been nominated to go on some more training - at a trade show! The theory being that I'll learn a lot more, and hopefully, get to grips with things better. Part of me wondered if I was being fitted for the concrete waders, but my line manager said that he knew I'd be able to cope! Wow! Talk about a vote confidence... Which is just what I needed after the crappy start I had today.

Don't get me wrong - it could have been a lot worse, but it's still embarrassing for me, as I've only just started working with this account, and I've been told to treat them with kid gloves, as they like to think that the world revolves around them. I've got news for them - I've got other things that are just important to sort out. But, despite that, I've been able to get things sorted out and hopefully, be able to avoid making this sort of mistake again!

But, there are things that make me laugh - and this was given as an order number - PI33OFF. I will admit, I started laughing as soon as I saw it, and the guy was adamant that he wanted that as his order number. So, as the old saying goes "the customer is always right" so I left it as it was! Should cause fun when he gets the call to say that the tyre is now in stock...

Time to call this entry quits - it's nearly time to go on my lunch!

Back later - if I get the chance....

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Luck of the draw I guess...

I lost in the office sweepstake. My horse (Arctic Copper) did at least manage to complete the course - even if he did finish 19 out of 21... But I was really glad that Hedgehunter won, as he was so unlucky last year, when he fell last year.

But, I was pleased to see that Carrie Ford - the only female jockey in the race managed to get round the course in one piece - which hopefully means that next year, she'll ride again - and win!

Whoops - time to go - I'm supposed to be going over to see my godsprog and her little sister now, as I said that I would babysit for her Mum and Dad tonight...

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Death of a pope

Those who know me, know that I am not the slightest bit religous, and the only time I go to church, is "hatch, match, despatch and when I'm dragged!"

Don't get me wrong - I do have friends of most religions, and am of the opinion that there must be some higher power. But, as I've demonstrated in the past, even when organising Dad's funeral - I opted for a non-religous ceremony - with Mum's full agreement.

I do admit to having a certain degree of curisoity about the Catholic faith, as it is very different from the faith that my own family stems from - the Protestant order - but to be honest, watching the highlights of the Pope's funeral last night, as I was unable to watch the event live due to work commitments, and I was unwilling to travel to Rome.

Because I felt that to do such a thing when I am not a Catholic, would have deprived someone, to whom the late Pope meant a great deal to, the chance of seeing him lying in state, and attanding the funeral rites.

Time to call it quits - got bits and pieces to do - including retrieving the furry thug again!

Back later (after the Grand National!)

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down.

Hello - the PM's in the area - there must be an election coming up....

I guess the title of this entry sums up how I feel. It's funny (in an ironic kind of way) that the minute the PM realizes that Rover has gone into administration, both he and the Chancellor make an appearance in Birmingham, promising to do everything they can to help Rover.

Call me cynical if you like, but it stinks when you think about it. If the PM had been so concerned about Rover (and all the other companies that have been / are currently struggling), then why didn't he do something to help out? But no, there wasn't an election imminent, so it appeared to be a case of 'Sod it. I don't need to worry - I've got months before I need to look like I'm doing anything.'

Now the election has been called for 05 May 2005, the PM has suddenly realized that there are an awful lot of people who are rather upset with his government, and now have the power to kick them out.

And before I get comments about this being an anti-Labour post - I'm aiming at all the major parties - Tory, Labor and to a certain extent, Lib Dem - even though I do agree with Charles Kennedy's comment that the Government should have acted sooner.

Ok - I know that it sounds like I'm determined to kick the government, and yes - I am. Simply because since this lot came to power in 1997, things have, as far as my family is concerned, taken a turn for the worst.

Firstly, they introduced tuition fees for students - despite the fact that most, if not all of the labor top brass enjoyed a free education - i.e. one without tuition fees of £3000 (or more if the top 20 or so universities get their way!), meaning that I cannot return to some kind of further education without paying excessive financial penalties. On top of that, the Chancellor upped the income tax that middle earners like my late father got clobbered with.

Just to add insult to injury, the very people who are supposed to help out, have the temerity to tell my Mum that the widow's benefit is only payable for 52 weeks - and when she queries it, is told by some snotty, faceless person at the benefits agency, that this is explained on the form that she filled in, just after we lost Dad.

Thanks a lot. It just makes me wonder what the use was, of Dad paying all that National Insurance over the years - including the time that he was overseas, and paid class 2 contribution, in order to keep his state pension entitlement.

Guess I should call time on this entry - I'm getting serious about politics - something that I never normally do!

Back when I've cooled off.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

MG Rover Press Statement

This is statement that the board of MG Rover have placed on the company web-site: http://www.mg-rover.com/static/index.html

Karen.

The Board of MG Rover has asked PWC to accept engagement to advise the board of directors on the current position of the company.

The management is committed to work closely with the trade unions, the Department of Trade and Industry and the many West Midlands agencies who can provide support.

This is a deeply worrying time for everyone and our thoughts are with them and their families. We thank everyone for their loyalty and commitment at this very trying time.

End of the road for Rover......?

Well, another British car maker has started to bite the dust. Ok - I know that it's a real tragedy for the workers at Longbridge and their families - having an insecure job is no fun (and I know - I've been there myself!)

But, the real crux of the matter is the fact that Rover make outdated cars, that the British car buying public don't really want. Ok - you get the die hards who will only drive Rover cars, and those (like myself) who like the MG series, but when it comes to the crunch, Rover lacks that little something that makes people go Yeah - I like that - I'll buy it

Add into that, the fact that the dealer network, has in the past really let Rover down with poor service standards, then you get a viscous cycle starting.

Because, unfortunately for John Towers and his partners at Phoenix, the British motoring public have long memories and have become accustomed to the service standards of car makers like Toyota , Audi and Peugeot, to name but a few competitors.

I've already admitted that I like the MG series, but when I actually looked into the logistics of getting an MG ZR, it would have cost about £15,000. Ok - I could live with that, as I was looking at the 1.8 stepspeed (semi automatic).

The killer blow came when I realised that I would have to travel to Stratford upon Avon to use a dealer that had been recommended to me.

Thanks a lot. Not a lot of good when I needed to get the car serviced, or if I got a problem with it!

Suppose I'd better call this entry quits - I've got work I should be doing...

Back when I get chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Thankfully, a quieter day!

And boy, I need it! After yesterday, I was quite ready to tell certain people where they could stick their tyres, and walk out. But, after a relaxing evening with my other half (it was his birthday yesterday, so rather than allowing him to cook - I treated him to dinner - more in a bit!), I feel an awful lot happier. But that's not that hard, given the fact that I was tired, stressed and in an awful lot of pain, because I'd hurt my shoulder on Sunday.

Me being dumb, decided to go riding, as I'm preparing for a point-to-point the end of April, and I need to make sure that Flame is fit enough to run. Because I'd not been riding for a few days, she was rather on the frisky side, and started pulling quite a bit!

As for the point-to-point, I don't expect Flame and I to win, but if we ge tplaced, I'll be quite happy with that. Ok - I know I've got to be fit enough, but I'm working on the principal that I can dose myself up on painkillers and ride that way. Admittedly, it's not the ideal way to ride, but I'm lucky enough to have a horse that I trust!

Last night was, as I've already said, my other half's birthday dinner. We went to a pub that I know - The Blue Lias at Stockton. He was really surprised that I'd bothered to book a table for us, and was pleased that I'd chosen The Blue Lias, as it was somewhere a bit different...

The thing that made the pair of us laugh, was the tabby cat that decided to try and mug the pair of us for various bits of food - especially my other half - who was dumb enough to have the trout!

Despite the attentions of the moggy, it was a fun evening, and I don't mind admitting that I'm knackered now!

Suppose I should call this quits - I've got stuff to get on with...

Back when I get the chance...

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Ever had one of those days?

Well, I've had one. It started at about 03:30 this morning, when the furry fiend (Ponto) decided to take a flying leap onto the bed, to start a play fight with Fred. Ok - that's not normally a problem. But it is when I've got to to be at work for 09:00 in the morning, and deal with something that I've never done before, it's not appreciated.

Then, things got worse. There were three people off, the phones were going bananas, and there was me, trying to deal with the bloody report, and all the other crap that was slung my way. So, needless to say, I was less than impressed when I kept getting calls to deal with various bit and pieces...

But, thankfully, there are things in this world that have me creasing up with with laughter - and this is one of them...

30 Lines To Make You Smile Today

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because.. Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. This gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled.. Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.. They called it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Guess that I should log off and bog off - I'm supposed to be heading over to see my other half tonight, as I'm taking him out to dinner...

Back tomorrow - if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Revenge of the cue ball.. And other jokes

I make no apologies for these next two jokes - they had me biting my tongue trying not to laugh whilst I was at work...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little b'stard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue-ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to sh!t out that cue ball, he measures everything first."

Ok - call me warped, but this next one was the killer as far as I was concerned...

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this. To anyone with kids of any age, whether at home or at work, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically-correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world (well ... Almost everywhere in the real world).

1. 
   
   Life is not fair - get used to it!
2. 
   
   The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
3. 
   
   You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
4. 
   
   If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
5. 
   
   Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
6. 
   
   If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
7. 
   
   Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try de-lousing the closet in your own room.
8. 
   
   Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
9. 
   
   Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
10. 
    
    Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
11. 
    
    Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
    

Time to call this entry quits - I've got work to do....

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down

Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour?

I don't know how many people saw this in the Daily Mail this morning, but I will admit I started laughing when I read it...

Read it, and see what you think.... And before I get furious comments - this was a genuine advert!

By the end of 2007 you will not be allowed to use a right hand drive car on the roads of mainland Europe.

It's a ruling BMW has vigorously opposed, but our lawyers were eventually routed and it was left to our engineers to fight a rearguard action.

Their repost was one of startling élan: hands-free steering. It uses a combination of sensors and VAT (Voice Activated Technology) and does away with the steering wheel altogether.

All the dials and controls are mounted in the centre of the dash on a pivoting section which can be angled towards either of the front seats.

Whilst crossing the channel, simply tilt the instrument panel to the left and change seats with your passenger. Pedals are recessed into both footwells, the relevant set becoming active when the position of the central section is fixed.

The sensors work as an intermediary between the driver's eyes and the road and combine with voice commands to steer the car wherever you want to it go in complete safety.

Early prototypes were prone to sudden U-turns if the driver swung round to shout at the children in the back, but a satellite monitoring system developed by Dr Bitt-Fischi, our head of R&D has eradicated this minor flaw.

An additional advantage of the system is a new feeling of liberation for the driver. Indeed at first this is almost unsettling, so a retractable, padded bar can be elicited from the dash and grasped or lent upon until the driver is fully acclimatized to the unfamiliar freedom.

The hands-free option will be available across the BMW range by next spring, in plenty of time to beat the ban.

If you would like more details in advance, please click on http://www.uninventthewheel.co.uk/utw/index.htm or call our Customer Liaison Chief, Herr Hurhr-Hurhr on 0800 777 129

All I can say is:

Nice one BMW!

Time to call it quits - I'm supposed to be working!

Back later - if I get chance!

Karen.

Don't let the b'stards get you down