Feeling crushed...

I sometimes wonder why I bother to work so damned hard on some things, because all I seem to get is kicked in the ribs.

Two of the reports that I run have been questioned for accuracy, and to be honest, it's starting to really get to me. I haven't changed the way I work at all, and then I get this slung back at me. Needless to say, I find this less than endearing, and more than a little bit infuriating.

Ok - I admit that there are targets to be aimed at, but I was under the impression that they were sales targets - not human ones, and I'm beginning to wonder about the wisdom of having anything to with these reports, until such time as the problem has been resolved.

But, I guess that this is just getting to me, as I feel bloody awful with both my ribs playing up and my shoulder adding to my woes, and it doesn't help my temper / mood when I get comments along the lines of my rib injuries being self inflicted, because I had the nerve to go horse riding at the weekend - in MY time. I felt like asking when 'Big Brother' policies on weekend activities had been introduced. Ok - I can see the point if I'd taken time off, but I've come into work against my better judgement.

I guess that I should call this entry quits, before I really blow a fuse.

Back later - if my temper has improved.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Sore heads all around

It's always the same.

After the conference, there are always sore heads, and it's usually the same people who suffer. Me? I was smart - I refused to go, as I knew damned well that I would end up sitting up 'till the crack of sparrow fart talking to people that I know and respect.

From what I can gather, it was a damned good night and I'm almost sorry that I didn't go. But, with hind sight, I think I did the best thing for myself, as I was knackered when I got home last night. Ok - I finished at 18:00, but I'd been in the office since 08:30, and I was doing what felt like 50 million things at once.

But, as I sit at my desk, I don't mind admitting that I am mentally and physically drained - simply because I was running on pure adrenaline yesterday, and I know damned well when I get out of here tonight, I'm going to be on-course for a spark out, because I'm knackered!

Guess I should call this entry quits - I've got loads of work to catch up with from yesterday.

Back tomorrow.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

MID (Mentioned in Despatches)

I'm shaking as I type this. I've just been told by my line manager that I've been mentioned (by name) in the Customer Service review meeting! It wasn't anything nasty - totally the opposite - I was being praised for my handling of the OTR work by the OTR Manager!

When my line manager told me, I've got to admit I was stunned, and said that it could explain why he (the OTR manager) was willing to help me out yesterday (there was a tyre short on an order, and I couldn't beg / borrow or steal one for once) and told the rep that there had only been three tyres, and that the other one was due in sometime next week!

That made my line manager laugh, and he said he thought the reason I got the help, was because I do my best to make sure that any problems are nipped in the bud, and that I work damned hard!

But I have admitted that I would jump at the chance to transfer to the OTR department, as that's where my real interest lies, as it all ties in with my upbringing as an engineer's brat.

I also owe a muppet an apology - I spoke to one of my colleagues in the OTR department, and told him what I'd been asked for, and that I was rather sceptical about it being a Ferrari... It turns out this is a dock handling machine, and just happens to have the same name as the sports car! Doh! But at least I know now for future reference...

Guess I should call this entry quits, as I don't really want to blot my copybook by getting caught blogging when I'm supposed to be working...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

I've become so numb...

I guess that it's just a legacy of my insomnia. My eyes are the sort of thing that you would see on the "before" advert for eye drops - the ones that are supposed to make bloodshot eyes sparkle.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be....

Today has been one of those days that would, under normal circumstances, make me curse anyway, but add into the mixture that I'm knackered, and that's the killer blow to me.

I was snowed under with my OTR work, and then on top of that, I had to deal with multiple scarcastic idiots, who thought that as they were dealing with a female, that they could have some fun at my expense.

Not really a wise move, especially as it turned out that the idiot concerned didn't know what the hell he was talking about... I mean, he asked for some tyres for an earthmover. Ok - not a problem with the size - it's one that I'm comfortable talking about (18.00 R33), but when I asked what the machine was, he said it was a.... wait for it...........

Ferrari

Now that struck me as someone who was either trying to set me up or he didn't know what the ***k he was talking about. He didn't like it when I pointed out that Ferrari had never made any earthmoving machines (earth shaking - yes) and that Enzo Ferrari would be spinning in his grave at that thought!

So, that got rid of one idiot, then I had to deal with idiots in the same company, and to be honest, I was getting to the stage where I was going to end up wringing someone's neck, or offering to make them a seven knot neck tie - and then show them how to wear it!

I guess that's just because I am so tired, and as a result, I'm getting incredibly intolerant, but until I get to the stage where I crash out asleep, there's very little I can do...

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this all, I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


Time to call this quits - my eyes are burning again, and I need to get some sleep tonight - if I can.

Back tomorrow if I'm with it enough, or more to the point, if I haven't flipped my lid at some moron on the 'phone!

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Bored and in pain....

Typical. I've completed all my work, and I'm now scratching around,trying to find something to do. But, there has been one bright spot today - I was able to talk to my daft friend.

He had escaped from the office (his phrase - not mine) and we were laughing and joking about all sorts of things - including him being rude about my lack of height.

He's off to darkest Ireland in June, for the European Hog Rally, and I was teasing him about it, and then he turned the tables on me by asking if I got mistaken for a leprechaun (because of my height (or lack of it!))

I was less than impressed, and said that when we met up, I was going to get my revenge, only for him to say that it was the year of being nice to him! I grinned, and said that I wasn't planning on doing anything nasty to him - he would be begging for pleasure!

That made the pair of us laugh, and the conversation went downhill from there!

Hmm - I should really call this entry quits, as I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Another day, another dollar (or should that be another day, another £?)

Ever had the feeling that you really don't want to be somewhere? Well I've got that feeling today, as my shoulder is agony and I got very little sleep last night.

Add into that, I'm worried about my daft friend (who is far from happy in his job - but I'm not going to say any more than that), and you have the perfect remedy for insomnia. So, at 02:30, I was watching BBC News 24, and following the news about the Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon, who was undergoing brain surgery to stop a haemorrhage. (See http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/-/1/hi/world/middle_east/4583160.stm )

So, as I sit at my desk, I'm in pain, bored and frustrated, as there is not a damned thing that I can do until I see the sawbones, which won't be until 26/01/05, and even then, I might not get sorted out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the NHS at all - what really irritates me is the way that the waiting lists are manipulated in favour of new patients, meaning that people like me have to wait nearly three months to get the follow up appointment, so that I can see the sawbones, and find out what the verdict is on my shoulder.

Guess I should get on with some work, but I really don't have the inclination to do anything today - apart from sleep!

Back later.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Back to the grindstone, back to the fighting

Well, it was back to the office today, and for me, it felt like I was walking back into a war zone, as I walked smack into my ex, and straight into the mother and father of rows with him.

To be honest, it wasn't the sort of thing that I wanted to deal with, but he gave me no choice, and by the time we'd finished our "discussion" he knew exactly how I felt, and more to the point, knew that he wasn't able to try and pull rank on me any longer.

Ok - I admit that I should have retained my cool, but when someone tries to tell me what I can and can't do in my personal time, then I have this habit of fighting back, and making damned sure that the person responsible is well aware of my feelings...

Aside from that, it was a quietish day, and I will admit to being glad to get the hell away from the office at the end of the day, as it meant that no-one (apart from the cats) could make my life hell.

Guess I should call this entry quits, as Ponto is glaring at me, and I get this horrible impression that he's going to launch an attack at my ankles if I don't call it quits on the computer...

Back tomorrow, if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

On the verge of tears...

Well, today's one of those days that I could have really done without coming into work. My emotions are all over the place, and I just about know which way is up.

It wouldn't be so bad, but it's one of those situations that means I'm trying to hide how I'm feeling from my colleagues, and I'm having a tough time avoiding questions as to why I'm so quiet - normally, I'm laughing, joking and taking the piss as much as I possibly can... I guess the way I feel can be summed up by the Bryan Adams song - On a day like today:

Is there anybody out there?
Anyone that's loved in vain
Anyone that feels the same

Is there anybody waiting?
Waiting for a chance to win
To give it up and start again

We all need something new
Something that is true
And someone else to feel it too

I feel so high - no one else would know it
I don't know why I feel the way I do
I can't let go - and I'm not scared to show it
'Cuz being here feels right
Tell me - how do you feel tonight?

Is there anybody out there?
Anyone that can't explain
Anyone that feels no pain

Is there anybody dreaming
Dreaming of a better day
When everything goes your way

We all need something new
Something that is true
And someone else to feel it too
Someone just like you

 But, at the moment, all I can do is wait to talk to the person who means the most to me, and knows just how to make me laugh, and brighten my mood...

Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working, but to be honest, I'm really not in the right frame of mind to do anything - apart from look for a dark corner to curl up in, and try to regain some kind of emotional control....

Back later - if I'm in the right frame of mind.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Up on cloud no. 9

I don’t quite know where to start… Apart from the fact that as of 01.11.05, I no longer deal with the one account that has been the bane of my existence! I’m still dealing with the OTR side of things, and I’m being given some additional tasks to keep me out of mischief.

Not that I object – as it gives me something else to get my fangs into, and I get more involved with the OTR stuff…

My line manager called me into a meeting at 15:30 yesterday afternoon, and that was when I got given the news… He said that he was worried that I would start looking for another job, because of the hassle that this one account was causing me, and didn’t want that to happen!

I will admit that I was somewhat surprised, and wondered if my partner had said something to my line manager, as he knew how much this one account was dragging me down – as he was the poor sod who had to put up with my bad temper when I was stressed!

But, my surprise turned to delight, when I was told that I was going to be taking on more of the OTR side of things, which means that I get to grips with some of the more obscure processes…

We also sorted out some other bits and pieces that had been concerning me, and I will admit, that when I left the meeting, I felt like I was walking on air!

Hmm – suppose I should look like I’m doing something other than blogging!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Back to the grindstone - and things have changed..

I don't know what has happened in the department whilst I've been off, but things appear to have changed - for the worst.

My other half was joking with me on the 'phone, and said that he was going to make up for my non-appearance at work, because I was on holiday and that he said that he had quite a bit of work for me - I said that he'd been saving it up for me! He just laughed, but I noticed that he didn't deny saving the work for me!

I jokingly said that I was going sick today, and my line manager just looked at me, and said

"Don't you dare, Karen."


Normally he would have just laughed it off, and that would have been the end of it, but the look he gave me as I walked out last night made me wonder what the hell was going on. So, me being me, asked my partner what had been going on...

It turns out that my department had been really short staffed, as people had been off sick (or too pissed to come into work) and as a result, the powers that be in the department have really cracked down.

Needless to say, I was less than impressed as I felt that I was getting tarred with the same brush as those who got rat arsed, and refused to come into work.

But, thankfully, it looks like I will be escaping, as the OTR department are looking for what the guys are jokingly (or at least I hope they're joking) referring to as a cart-tart - i.e. someone to make them their coffee / teas when they're in the office, as well as doing the paperwork, and making sure that the back orders are clarified with them and the customer, before they get sent to the customer.

That's something that I don't object to, as it means that I get more involved with the bigger stuff (things that Carole jokingly refers to as Tonka toys), and hopefull, it will open a new path for me...

Suppose I should think about doing some w*rk, but I'm suffering TNFI.......

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Starting to growl...

There are some customers who really make you swear. They complain because you've not done something, and then when you do get the problem sorted, they complain because they weren't ready for the problem to be solved.

To be honest, the faster today is over and done with, the happier I'm going to be, as I'm fed up with being the one that gets the kick in the tail end, because something has gone wrong. Ok - I admit that I'm not perfect - far from it. But it galls me that I'm the one that gets hit from all sides when something doesn't go to plan.

As it stands, it's this one account that gives me all the grief, and to be honest, I'm getting to the stage where I don't want to have anything to do with them at all. But, that's giving in, and that's not what I'm known for - quitting is not my style at all.

But, knowing me, I'll feel better when I've got back off my holiday, and I know that my shoulder is being sorted out.

Ah well, suppose I should think about doing some w*rk, but to be honest, I'm suffering from a severe case of TNFI...

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Getting caught on the hop...

There's nothing like a bit of banter to make me feel brighter... I was away from my desk, and I heard my 'phone bleep, and me being half asleep didn't check the number...

"You didn't recognize my number that time, did you Karen?" came the mocking tone on my 'phone. It was my other half.

"If I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have answered my 'phone."

That made him laugh, and he started having a gentle dig at me because I apparently sounded half asleep! I refrained from saying that I'd been up at 04:30 this morning to go horse-riding!

But, that was my decision, and I don't regret it for a moment, as it was a lovely ride this morning... The birds were starting to sing, and Flame was being an absolute angel - almost as if she realized that I was feeling fragile because my shoulder was (and still is) giving me hell.

Ok - I know that going horse-riding probably wasn't the best thing that I could have done, but I'm not going to give up my horse just yet... Ok - if I have to have the shoulder operated on (and I get a horrible feeling I will do) I'll stop riding, but until it gets to that stage then I'll be in the saddle as much as I possibly can.

Ah well, suppose I should think about doing some w*rk, but I'm not really in the mood....

Back later if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Trying to get training for a friend

That's one thing that really bugs me. As I'm the main contact for the OTR side of things in the office, I'm the one that the guys in the field speak to, so that they can get the orders and other stuff sorted out.

Ok - that's not an issue - what really bugs me is the fact that the poor sod who's supposed to be my back-up has had absolutely minimal training, and when I'm out of the office (either on holiday or off sick), the back up is next to non-existent.

So, the pair of us have started to gang up on our line manager, and make him aware of the situation. That's not a problem, as he's quite happy to help out, and has agreed that something needs to be done.

The problem (as far as I'm concerned) is the fact that one of the other members of the department can't see why the guys in the field talk to me instead of the other contact.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I get the impression that the reason that they talk to me, is because they know that things will get sorted out, and that I'll keep them in the loop on what's happening with the order / query that they've thrown my way.

But, as things seem to be happening, I've said that I'll hold fire on doing anything like speaking to my partner, as he knows damned well that I was getting worried about what was going to happen whilst I was away...

Suppose I should log off and bog off - I'm supposed to be working...

Back later if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

All quiet on the OTR front

Well, things seem to have settled down on the OTR side of things... I've been kept busy sorting out various orders for the guys, and one has even said that as far as he was concerned, today I was walking on water.

Thanks. That's all I need, as you can almost guarantee that it will put the mockers on anything that I try to do for the rest of the day!

Despite that, my friend White Wolf has been e-mailing me, and making me laugh with all sorts of silly jokes - this one being one of my favorites:

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers.

It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot.


The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.


She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.


They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.


They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves. At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins.


The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.


When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.


"You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier.


The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."


"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?"


The little girl thought for a moment and said........................









"I think so. Provided those c*nts at Jewson deliver the f**king bricks."


Rats - my direct line's ringing - that was one of the worst mistakes I could have made - giving the OTR guys my direct dial!

Back later if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Anyone for flame grilled tiger?

Another day, another foul up with an OTR tyre. This time, it was a crane tyre, and it wasn't something that I knew anything about until one of my colleagues in the OTR department asked who'd told a customer that the tyres were available...

I was able to sort it out, but my colleague was a real angel, and called the customer for me, and explained the situation. The customer (quite understandably) wasn't very happy, but at least it wasn't me getting the ear-ache from the customer for once!

So, to hopefully (emphasis on the hopefully) prevent anymore foul ups on the ordering side of things, I sent the following e-mail...

Hi guys,

If you get a call for a mobile crane tyre of any description, then please speak to either myself or xxx, or if either of us are not available, could you please transfer the call to either xxxx xxxxxx (speed dial xxx) or xxxx xxxxxx (speed dial xxx).

If in doubt, PLEASE speak to either myself or xxx.

So, all I have to do now, is prevent any more hiccups with the OTR side of things!

Suppose I should log off and bog off - my mobile's ringing!

Back tomorrow.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Trying to avoid a toasting...

Ever had one of those days when you wish you'd turned over in bed and gone back to sleep? Well, I'm having one today.

It got off to a bad start when I managed to leave my security pass in the tack room this morning, and forgot to grab the damned thing. Then when I'd gotten into the office, it really hit the blades. And muggins here was directly in the firing line.

A customer had tried to order a particular tyre, and unknown to myself or my colleague in the department, these tyres had already been sold to another customer. So, as the system was showing that these tyres were in stock, the order was on the system, just awaiting confirmation from the customer of the required purchase number..

Only for me to then find that some of the tyres have been taken by someone in logistics for this other customer! I then had the delightful (?) job of telling the customer that I'd been dealing with that the full quantity that he'd requested wasn't available.

Brown smelly stuff and rotating blades anybody? The fun and games then started when my partner came down to see me, and asked what the hell had gone on with this order.

Needless to say, I was less than impressed, and politely pointed out that the order was nothing to do with me, and the first I'd known about it, was when my colleague had asked if I'd place the same size tyre on order!

The reaction was less than friendly, until I pointed out that I'd spoken to very few people in the OTR department, and had spent even less time on the 'phone than normal, as I was trying to sort out my least favorite account, which had a large order that needed placing onto the system, and then sorting out the stock to make sure that there was enough stock to complete the order.

I wasn't very friendly, and made it plain that I just wanted to be left alone tonight, as I was seriously irritated by the fact that he immediately blamed me for the foul up with the damned tyres. But, at least I got an apology from him, so that made me feel slightly better...

So, as I type this, I'm sitting in the study listening to Planet Rock on my DAB digital radio, and am only now starting to cool off.

Suppose I should log off and bog off - I want to grab a bite to eat before I crawl into my pit tonight.

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.

Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread

Ever felt like..............

Strangling someone? Well, I'm having one of those moments. It's one of those cases where I got caught a real blinder by a customer.... Because the guy he usually speaks to is on holiday, he decided to call me in the office...

Thanks. What I know about this guy's accounts, you can carve painlessly on my small fingernail, and still have room to spare. So, it was a case of the blind leading the blind clueless (me being blind clueless!)

Thankfully, I was able to get some help - even if it was a case of swallowing my pride a little bit... Simply because it was my partner who's help I was asking for! He said the he would help me out, as I'd admitted that I hadn't got the foggiest how to deal with the query...

I know damned well when I see him tonight, he's going to be making the most of the fact that I had to ask for help, but I'll accept the gentle ribbing that he'll give me tonight...

But that's not the only thing that's caught me on the hop in the past 24 hours.... My best mate called me last night, and as I was a bit dopey (I'd taken some pain killers to stop my shoulder hurting me), it took me a few minutes to guess what he was talking about...

"What's the one thing that I said I would never do?"

Me being dopey, couldn't exactly recall, as there were two things that he said he'd never do - one of them was get married again, and the other was cheat on his partner....

I said it was get married.. And boy was I wrong. It turned out that he's cheated on his partner. And it gets better. It was with his brother's ex-girlfriend.

He said that he needed to speak to someone (namely me) who could give him a few sensible answers, and wouldn't fly off the handle at him.

To be honest, I was too dopey to do anything apart from call him "a muppet", and ask him if he wanted to split up with his partner. The reply was something that I didn't expect...

"I love xxxx to bits, but the trouble is, I can see me and yyyy having a future together... I guess that I've not really been settled since xxxx dumped me via text a few weeks ago, and then got back with me..."

That's all very well, but the trouble that it would cause between him and his brother is not something that I wish to contemplate - as his brother has an explosive temper, and my friend has said this lass is not worth all the hassle that it would cause him...

He said that he would call me tonight, and sit and talk with me, as he needed me to be my normal objective self to help him get his head 'round a few things...

At the end of the day, it's his decision - all I can do is provide a friendly (or not so friendly) ear to bend...

Suppose I should think about doing some w*rk, but I'm suffering from terminal TNFI.....

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Handing over part of a poisoned chalice

Well, I'm happier than I was. Unfortunately, I've still got to deal with the one account that I hate, but at least it has been lightened a little bit - I'm passing on the other part of the poisoned chalice to one of my colleagues.

The OTR side is being left alone, as I made it very plain that was non-negotiable, and thankfully, it sounds like the feedback that is going to my line manager is very positive (I guess going on the training course was more beneficial than I'd realised)...

However, the reason that I'm being left with part of this damned chalice is because my line manager wants me to re-build my confidence and my professional reputation with other people within the company.

Ah well, as the day draws to a close, I guess that things could have been an awful lot worse...

Time to log off & bog off - it's escape time!

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

Changing from wood to steel

Well, I've hit the bottom, and have now been given the ammunition to fight back - with true tiger-like vengance.

The thing that has really annoyed me more than anything else, is that I've been blamed for stock not being sent in, when the details that I have to hand state that the tyres are there for the customer!

Whilst I don't mind admitting that I'm far from perfect, I object to getting blamed for something that is beyond my control. Ok - I'm not slinging boulders / bricks or anything else for that matter, but it just irritates me that I'm the one getting the knife (or machete) in the back.

But, I guess that at this moment in time, the best thing I can do is bide my time, and then use the ammunition that I have at the right time....

Nearly time for lunch - not that I'm in the mood to eat!

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread

It's not easy when you don't know why...

Well, I guess I do know why I feel so down. My friend died at 10:30 yesterday morning, and I've made a boo-boo with a delivery - it should have been a collection!

The worst part is, I feel like I've let everyone down - including myself, and I can hardly type for the tears that keep welling up in my eyes.

My line manager has been a real angel - he's realised that I'm starting to crack under the strain of my workload, and has said that he wants to talk to me tomorrow about what the team can do to help me get back to my old self.

I've already admitted that I'm quite willing to relinquish the one account that gives me so much grief, but I'm not going to lose the OTR side of things, not when I've done so much damned work to bring my knowledge base up to a level where I can be of some use to the guys in the field.

Thankfully, he's said that he's happy with me doing the OTR side of things, as he knows how much I enjoy working on that, but there are several bits that he thinks I could use some help with - and he's determined to avoid allowing this one account to think that they've got more power than they really have, and help me re-build my confidence back up to the level it was before I got crushed by everything hitting me all at once.

Time to get on with some work - I'm determined to clear my name on where some of the crap is concerned!!

Back later.

Karen.

I walk where others fear to tread