Jokes from the front line...

Boy, can't you tell I'm bored. I've been scouting around trying to see what I can do to keep myself out of mischief (apart from blogging!) and I've been able to find a couple of really good jokes that have been sitting in my in-box, just waiting to get posted....

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!

A little voice came out of the box...

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f***ing shoes on."

This was one of the others jokes that made me laugh....

The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked its entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked,"Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork inthe wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"

The third and final joke is this:

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said:

"Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't."

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?"

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?"

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

Guess I should get on with some work, but I have to admit I'm bored...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings