Feeling brighter, but I'm still not a happy tiger.

Well, I've spoken to my best mate (who was busy getting lost on an industrial estate in Wembley), and he's done his usual trick of cheering me up.

He was supposed to be going to see a customer, and all he had was an address - no telephone number, and there was no-one around that he could ask!

We chatted about things that mattered to the pair of us, and he was threatening to tan my hide for me, as I was being cheeky to him as normal. I sniggered, and said that he shouldn't make promises that he had not intention of keeping... I was then told that he had every intention of keeping that promise, and that he would get me - eventually.

Aside from that, I got sent several cracking jokes...

You have all the money your heart desires

You have no worries...

You come home and the finest meal is awaiting you...

Your bathwater has been run...

You have the perfect kids...

Your partner is awaiting you with open arms and kisses...

So where would you be...?

IN THE WRONG HOUSE.

The next joke was this one:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "how can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

But this was the e-mail that REALLY cheered me up:

You think you're having a bad day? Check it out these actual cases.

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were tending her husband, the wife managed to righ tthe motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending tohis business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance.

The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

***********************************************

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

*********************************************

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood,breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

***************************************************

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly the two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

*********************************************

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

Guess I should call this quits, as I'm supposed to be doing some work....

Back when I get chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings