Feeling crushed...

I sometimes wonder why I bother to work so damned hard on some things, because all I seem to get is kicked in the ribs.

Two of the reports that I run have been questioned for accuracy, and to be honest, it's starting to really get to me. I haven't changed the way I work at all, and then I get this slung back at me. Needless to say, I find this less than endearing, and more than a little bit infuriating.

Ok - I admit that there are targets to be aimed at, but I was under the impression that they were sales targets - not human ones, and I'm beginning to wonder about the wisdom of having anything to with these reports, until such time as the problem has been resolved.

But, I guess that this is just getting to me, as I feel bloody awful with both my ribs playing up and my shoulder adding to my woes, and it doesn't help my temper / mood when I get comments along the lines of my rib injuries being self inflicted, because I had the nerve to go horse riding at the weekend - in MY time. I felt like asking when 'Big Brother' policies on weekend activities had been introduced. Ok - I can see the point if I'd taken time off, but I've come into work against my better judgement.

I guess that I should call this entry quits, before I really blow a fuse.

Back later - if my temper has improved.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Getting to grips with a slower pace of life.

Yes, you guessed it. This pace of life doesn't suit me at all, and it's starting to really irritate me. Thankfully, I'm still able to drive, and I've been to see Flame several times since I got kicked, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Don't be afraid to be weak

Don't be too proud to be strong

Just look into your heart, my friend

That will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence

But, at least I'm happy in my job, unlike my best mate, who is getting more down every day so much so, that each day he spends at his work place drags his confidence even lower. It breaks my heart to hear him so flat, and I do my best to make him smile and laugh, but until he decides what he wants to do, then all I can be is a sympathetic / daft ear at the end of the'phone.

How many sorrows

Do you try to hide?

In a world of illusion

That's covering your mind

I'll show you something good

Oh I'll show you something good

When you open your mind

You'll discover the sign

And there's something you're longing to find

Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Sore ribs...

Talk about having a guardian angel looking after me...

I got kicked in the ribs on Saturday - by Flame as I tried to jump clear of her, so that she could deal with a dog that was chasing her. The result? My body armour plates got smashed to pieces at the front, and the back plates also got broken.

So, I spent Saturday morning in the local A& E department, getting examined by a consultant, who couldn't believe that I wasn't more seriously injured after being kicked by a 17.0h horse! I guess that it goes to show that the initial investment in the body armour was well worth it - as my later father bought it for me for my birthday... It wasn't cheap when he bought it for me, but he was of the opinion that you got what you paid for - and I got 1/4 inch thick Kevlar plates...

Ok - I've got badly bruised ribs (and it makes breathing VERY painful), but it could have been a lot worse - I could have still been in hospital with broken ribs, and internal injuries. But, to be on the safe side, I've got to go and see the consultant on Thursday morning - before I go into see the sawbones about my shoulder.

What really irritates me though is the fact that I've had to claim on my horse insurance for a new set of armour. Admittedly, it's better (from my viewpoint) to pay the £50 excess, instead of the full £600, but it still galls me that I've go to go up to Walsall on Sunday to get the new armour fitted. Add into that, I'm banned yet again from horse riding for another 4 weeks, and you get one unhappy little tiger.

But, on the positive side, my friends have been really good about finding ways to take my mind off the pain, and I have to admit, I am eternally grateful for their support.

Guess I should call this quits - it's nearly time for me to take some more pain killers...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen


Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Sore heads all around

It's always the same.

After the conference, there are always sore heads, and it's usually the same people who suffer. Me? I was smart - I refused to go, as I knew damned well that I would end up sitting up 'till the crack of sparrow fart talking to people that I know and respect.

From what I can gather, it was a damned good night and I'm almost sorry that I didn't go. But, with hind sight, I think I did the best thing for myself, as I was knackered when I got home last night. Ok - I finished at 18:00, but I'd been in the office since 08:30, and I was doing what felt like 50 million things at once.

But, as I sit at my desk, I don't mind admitting that I am mentally and physically drained - simply because I was running on pure adrenaline yesterday, and I know damned well when I get out of here tonight, I'm going to be on-course for a spark out, because I'm knackered!

Guess I should call this entry quits - I've got loads of work to catch up with from yesterday.

Back tomorrow.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Worrying about a friend, and other things

I've spoken to my daft hog riding friend and he's not a well bunny. He's got a viral throat infection - apparently it's the one that causes professional singers to cancel tours, as the only way to regain the full vocal range is rest the voice.

That, under normal circumstances would have me sniggering, as I jokingly tell him that the appetite on legs has a better singing (ok - meowing) voice than him but he's really ill with this bug.

But, the worst is still to come, as he's got to go and see his boss tomorrow and tell him the good news.. I felt like telling him that it was a bit extreme, catching this bug, just so he could get some time off work!

The others things are to do with my work. I'm having to act as the senior person in my department, as the rest of them are off at the conference (I refused to go), thus meaning that I have to work twice as hard, to keep people happy.

Guess I should call this quits - I need to get back and make sure that things haven't blown up whilst I've been on lunch!

Back later, if I can face looking at a computer again!

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Jokes from the front line...

Boy, can't you tell I'm bored. I've been scouting around trying to see what I can do to keep myself out of mischief (apart from blogging!) and I've been able to find a couple of really good jokes that have been sitting in my in-box, just waiting to get posted....

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!

A little voice came out of the box...

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f***ing shoes on."

This was one of the others jokes that made me laugh....

The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked its entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked,"Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork inthe wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"

The third and final joke is this:

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said:

"Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't."

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?"

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?"

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

Guess I should get on with some work, but I have to admit I'm bored...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Roller-coaster of a weekend....

Well, I have to admit that the weekend was somewhat of a roller-coaster ride for me. Saturday morning was OK - Mum and I went shopping in Solihull, and I decided to hit Waterstones, and I bought four books!

One was on the development of the atomic bomb, and the other three were Terry Pratchett books - the next three in the Discworld series (Mort, Sourcery and Wyrd Sisters).

But the rest of the day was quite emotionally draining, simply because I decided to move my beloved horse closer to home and spent the rest ofthe afternoon making sure that she was ok, and settling in.

I also had a call from my daft hog riding friend to let me know that he was at his friend's house in Redditch ok, and that he would try and see me on Sunday.

Sunday. What can I say about that, apart from the fact that it was a really good day. I decided to go horse riding in the morning, and I was a bit late getting back - like about 10:15, and I will admit, I did pong a bit!

As soon as I walked in the house, Mum told me to buzz off for a shower, as, and I quote "you stink". Thanks Mum!

I had just started to wash my hair when my mobile rang. It was my daft hog riding friend. He asked if I was still going into Stratford, and said that he would love to meet up with me - and would be bringing someone with him - his friend from Redditch! Ok - not a problem there, as I'd spoken to this lass, and was curious to meet her...

Well, I got to Stratford, and met up with the pair of them and I will admit, it was a really good laugh, as the pair of us kept double-teaming the poor guy, and he said that he was getting fed up with the pair of us ganging up on him!

That made us laugh, and I have to admit, I really enjoyed myself, but I could sense that there was something bothering him...

Wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

One of these days, I'll listen to my instincts... I spoke to my friend late last night, and suffice to say that he ended up pouring his heart out to me - both in an e-mail and on the 'phone.

Obviously, what he told me will not be relayed here, but all that I shall say is that I now understand awful lot more than I did, and am more determined than ever to do what I can to help him.

The worst is over now and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working, not blogging.

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

You're gonna hate Fridays!

I make no apologies for this joke - it had me sniggering today!

One day a guy died and found himself in Hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in Hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great"

"You a smoker?" the demon asked

"You better believe it."

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble"

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean....."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

Time to call this quits - got to log off and bog off - it's after 17:00!

Back tomorrow, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

MID (Mentioned in Despatches)

I'm shaking as I type this. I've just been told by my line manager that I've been mentioned (by name) in the Customer Service review meeting! It wasn't anything nasty - totally the opposite - I was being praised for my handling of the OTR work by the OTR Manager!

When my line manager told me, I've got to admit I was stunned, and said that it could explain why he (the OTR manager) was willing to help me out yesterday (there was a tyre short on an order, and I couldn't beg / borrow or steal one for once) and told the rep that there had only been three tyres, and that the other one was due in sometime next week!

That made my line manager laugh, and he said he thought the reason I got the help, was because I do my best to make sure that any problems are nipped in the bud, and that I work damned hard!

But I have admitted that I would jump at the chance to transfer to the OTR department, as that's where my real interest lies, as it all ties in with my upbringing as an engineer's brat.

I also owe a muppet an apology - I spoke to one of my colleagues in the OTR department, and told him what I'd been asked for, and that I was rather sceptical about it being a Ferrari... It turns out this is a dock handling machine, and just happens to have the same name as the sports car! Doh! But at least I know now for future reference...

Guess I should call this entry quits, as I don't really want to blot my copybook by getting caught blogging when I'm supposed to be working...

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

I've become so numb...

I guess that it's just a legacy of my insomnia. My eyes are the sort of thing that you would see on the "before" advert for eye drops - the ones that are supposed to make bloodshot eyes sparkle.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be....

Today has been one of those days that would, under normal circumstances, make me curse anyway, but add into the mixture that I'm knackered, and that's the killer blow to me.

I was snowed under with my OTR work, and then on top of that, I had to deal with multiple scarcastic idiots, who thought that as they were dealing with a female, that they could have some fun at my expense.

Not really a wise move, especially as it turned out that the idiot concerned didn't know what the hell he was talking about... I mean, he asked for some tyres for an earthmover. Ok - not a problem with the size - it's one that I'm comfortable talking about (18.00 R33), but when I asked what the machine was, he said it was a.... wait for it...........

Ferrari

Now that struck me as someone who was either trying to set me up or he didn't know what the ***k he was talking about. He didn't like it when I pointed out that Ferrari had never made any earthmoving machines (earth shaking - yes) and that Enzo Ferrari would be spinning in his grave at that thought!

So, that got rid of one idiot, then I had to deal with idiots in the same company, and to be honest, I was getting to the stage where I was going to end up wringing someone's neck, or offering to make them a seven knot neck tie - and then show them how to wear it!

I guess that's just because I am so tired, and as a result, I'm getting incredibly intolerant, but until I get to the stage where I crash out asleep, there's very little I can do...

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this all, I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


Time to call this quits - my eyes are burning again, and I need to get some sleep tonight - if I can.

Back tomorrow if I'm with it enough, or more to the point, if I haven't flipped my lid at some moron on the 'phone!

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Eyes that burn...

One of the worst things about not being able to sleep at night, is the mere fact that my eyes get to the stage where they start to burn, meaning that I can't wear my contact lenses. Ok - I know that doesn't sound a big deal, but for someone like me, who rarely wears her glasses at work, it is.

You've got both ends burning
Like a moth to a flame
You're going off the rails
Like a runaway train
It's a no-win situation
And there's no way out
And no one will ever hear you - scream and shout
 I admit that I do suffer from insomnia, but I'm rapidly getting to the stage where the physical (not to mention the mental) exhaustion is reaching crisis point, and I'm going to end up going off the rails at someone who really doesn't deserve it.

I guess at the moment, the reason for me being an insomniac is that I can't get my mind to switch off - I'm still analysing what's been said - both from a work perspective, and a personal viewpoint..

Such a lonely road you ride
It's not easy when you don't know why
Such a heavy load you hide
You never leave no matter how you try
 So, the more tired I get, the worse things seem to get to me, to the stage where I'm almost frightened to open my mouth, in case I say something that really offends someone!

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
 Add into this mess, the mere fact that I'm being interrogated about my not wanting to go to the conference this year, and it all adds up to stress, which I think is causing me to suffer from insomnia....

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
 Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm knackered, and Julian wants to use his computer...

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.


Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Quiet times, and quiet contemplations

For once, it's not stupidly manic on a Monday. Not that I really care,as I was late in, as I had a doctor's appointment to sort out my blood pressure...

It was getting to the stage where I couldn't stand up without going dizzy, and I was finding it somewhat disconcerting when I was standing up and trying to move away from my desk.

Not to mention the fact that I was getting irritated having to explain why I suddenly went pale, and had to grab the edge of my desk to stop myself going flat on my face!

So, I've had to change my blood pressure tablets (most people take tablets to lower their blood pressure - I have to take them to raise my blood pressure!) So that means a trip to the pharmacy in Sainsbury's this evening to get this sorted out, as I'm supposed to start taking the new tablets tomorrow.

But, when I got in, I had what I considered to be a real gem of an e-mail joke....

As many will be aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance" and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to"Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose"

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack random countries (ideally those without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.

Guess I should think about doing some work before lunch, but I'm suffering a case of TNFI....

Back later, if I get the chance...

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Walking towards the edge...

Ever had one of those days when you burst into tears for no reason? Well, I've just had one.

The day started out well enough, and Rachel and I decided that we wanted to go horse riding in the Malvern Hills. Carole thought we were nuts, but agreed to take the pair of us (and our horses) so that we could go where we wanted...

So, we got to Malvern, no problem, and agreed to meet up with Carole when we got to the end of the route that we'd planned to use.

We started riding, and my phone bleeped - I'd got a text message from my daft friend. He'd gone to Swindon to see friends, and promised that he would send me a text to let me know he was there ok. I read the message, and that was it - the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Don't ask me why, but luckily for me, it was sleeting, so I was able to say that my tears were caused by the sleet hitting me in the face.

Whether or not Rachel believed me, I don't know, but she was polite enough (if that's the correct term) to keep her peace and not ask questions. But, I did notice that she seemed to keep a closer eye on me after that - almost as if she was worried that I was on the verge of some kind of breakdown.

Ok - I appreciate the fact that she was worried about me, but I gave her even more reason to panic towards the end of the ride... I went to dismount from Flame, and that was it - the world started to spin, and the only thing that saved me was the fact that Rachel was quick enough to grab hold of both me and Flame!

As soon as I was able to stand on my own two feet (albeit leaning on Flame), she insisted that I called my GP and got an appointment to get my blood pressure sorted out, as she said that I was a danger to myself! For once, I didn't argue with her - I obviously wasn't feeling 100% - I'm usually a stroppy little sod when I don't feel too good!

So, I've got the appointment on Monday - at 08:40, so that means I get a bit of a lie-in - one of the benefits I guess....

Suppose I'd better call this entry quits - I want to buzz off and watch CSI on channel 5...

Back when I get the chance...

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Darwin awards 2006....

I know many of you sit and wait for these all year long. You know who you are. So here they are:

In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards - the annual honour given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are.............

* In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.

Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him.

It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.

Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car.

While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.

The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.

He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

* Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.

With no-one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated!

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**t happens!"

Mine is but to post such gems.....

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

How to get leave!

You occasionally get some real gems coming through on the e-mail, and this was one of them!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "crazy" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked:

"What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....)

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Bored and in pain....

Typical. I've completed all my work, and I'm now scratching around,trying to find something to do. But, there has been one bright spot today - I was able to talk to my daft friend.

He had escaped from the office (his phrase - not mine) and we were laughing and joking about all sorts of things - including him being rude about my lack of height.

He's off to darkest Ireland in June, for the European Hog Rally, and I was teasing him about it, and then he turned the tables on me by asking if I got mistaken for a leprechaun (because of my height (or lack of it!))

I was less than impressed, and said that when we met up, I was going to get my revenge, only for him to say that it was the year of being nice to him! I grinned, and said that I wasn't planning on doing anything nasty to him - he would be begging for pleasure!

That made the pair of us laugh, and the conversation went downhill from there!

Hmm - I should really call this entry quits, as I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Another day, another dollar (or should that be another day, another £?)

Ever had the feeling that you really don't want to be somewhere? Well I've got that feeling today, as my shoulder is agony and I got very little sleep last night.

Add into that, I'm worried about my daft friend (who is far from happy in his job - but I'm not going to say any more than that), and you have the perfect remedy for insomnia. So, at 02:30, I was watching BBC News 24, and following the news about the Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon, who was undergoing brain surgery to stop a haemorrhage. (See http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/-/1/hi/world/middle_east/4583160.stm )

So, as I sit at my desk, I'm in pain, bored and frustrated, as there is not a damned thing that I can do until I see the sawbones, which won't be until 26/01/05, and even then, I might not get sorted out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the NHS at all - what really irritates me is the way that the waiting lists are manipulated in favour of new patients, meaning that people like me have to wait nearly three months to get the follow up appointment, so that I can see the sawbones, and find out what the verdict is on my shoulder.

Guess I should get on with some work, but I really don't have the inclination to do anything today - apart from sleep!

Back later.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Back to the grindstone, back to the fighting

Well, it was back to the office today, and for me, it felt like I was walking back into a war zone, as I walked smack into my ex, and straight into the mother and father of rows with him.

To be honest, it wasn't the sort of thing that I wanted to deal with, but he gave me no choice, and by the time we'd finished our "discussion" he knew exactly how I felt, and more to the point, knew that he wasn't able to try and pull rank on me any longer.

Ok - I admit that I should have retained my cool, but when someone tries to tell me what I can and can't do in my personal time, then I have this habit of fighting back, and making damned sure that the person responsible is well aware of my feelings...

Aside from that, it was a quietish day, and I will admit to being glad to get the hell away from the office at the end of the day, as it meant that no-one (apart from the cats) could make my life hell.

Guess I should call this entry quits, as Ponto is glaring at me, and I get this horrible impression that he's going to launch an attack at my ankles if I don't call it quits on the computer...

Back tomorrow, if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

I hate shopping......

Ok - I know - it's a strange title, but it sums up my day. Mum and I went to Milton Keynes today... Ok - not a problem.

The problem arose when Mum said that I needed to get some new work trousers (she's been watching What Not To Wear again!) and I HATE trying on clothes - especially when I'm wearing walking boots.

Ok - maybe it was partly my fault for wearing walking boots, but I had no intention of ending up with sore feet, because my ankle boots are easier (and faster) to take on and off (they've got a zip up the side of them.)

I got to the stage where I was less than enthusiastic, and Mum got quite irritable with me. She pointed out (rightly, I have to admit) that she was trying to help me, and that I could show a little more gratitude.

I agreed with that, but inwardly thought that I was no different to her when she was looking for something, but as I had no wish to argue with Mum at that moment in time, I kept quiet.

Despite that, it was a reasonably successful day, as Mum managed to get a new phone. She got fed up with not being able to turn her Nokia 3340 on and off (it's got the power button on the top of the phone - there's a nack to getting the damned thing to work!) So, we went into Carphone Warehouse, and she got herself a Motorola V550...

Not a phone I would have chosen, I have to admit, but I'm of the opinion that as long as she's happy with it, then that's all that matters...

As for me, well I've seen the phone that I want to get to replace my current phone... It's a Sony Ericsson Z520i. Ok - I admit that I've always said that the clam type phone isn't for me, but I've had a good look at this one, and appears to be quite robust...

Rats - I can hear the appetite on legs starting a punch up again - new year, same old trick from the cat.

Back when I get chance - provided that I'm in one piece after grabbing the cat!

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Welcome to 2006....

Well, 2006 has started well for me. What am I talking about? Only the fact that I feel happier than I have for a long time – simply because I was with people that I care about (with the exception of one person – and you know who you are!)

I went out in Birmingham with the usual crowd, and as usual, we went out to dinner, and then hit the town... There was the usual mixture of drunken idiots, but on the whole, it was one hell of a night out – including the fact that Julian and I decided that the group should go and sing YMCA by the Village People – complete with the actions!

Ok – we looked a complete bunch of idiots, but I was of the opinion that if I couldn’t make a twit of myself with friends, when could I? But, that was only the start of our singing… We ended up singing all sorts of things, from Bon Jovi – It’s my Life, to Simply Red – Holding Back the Years.

But there was one thing that did make me have tears in my eyes – it was Metallica – Nothing Else Matters - simply because that was the song that my ex used to dedicate to me when I was going away.

Thankfully Julian was a real love, and made sure that the others didn’t see how much the song had affected me, and then decided to drag me up to sing with him… That was ok, until I realised what the song was – it was Livin’ La Vida Loca!

The rest of the evening / night passed in a blur of singing, laughing and dancing – and finished with us all ending up in our favourite Balti restaurant at 04:00 this morning!

Needless to say, as I type this, I’m knackered, and running on pure adrenaline – which isn’t too good for me, as I’ve got to drive home later today, as Mum and I are going to have another go at getting to Milton Keynes tomorrow for a trip to the shops, as the pair of us want to have a look and see what’s in the sales this year..

Guess I should call this entry quits – Julian wants to check his e-mail, and I need to get some sleep!

Back later, if I’m with it enough!

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings