How to Call in Sick when You Just Need a Day Off

I make no apologies for posting this – it was sent to me by a co-worker, with the tag line: To all you fakers out there!!.. We know what you’re playing at..

Enjoy

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

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Calling Method

Complain about fake symptoms. A day before your day off, make hints about your ‘flu by casually reporting about your untrue ‘flu-like symptoms throughout the whole day to your colleagues. For example, say that your bones hurt and you feel a little sore on that day. This way, your co-workers can make the connection to your symptoms from the day before.

Call your boss early the next morning. Do not delay because it will cause displeasure to your boss. And also you will want to avoid your boss from labeling you as a bad employee by not informing him or her early. Moreover, if you call early, you will have a rather rough voice after waking up. This will give you some added credibility

Make the call a short one. Just say that you are not coming in as you are calling in sick that day. Excellent choices are severe headache or stomach ailment, as they are common. Don't get too detailed. For instance, don't say that you were sick at 12:34 last night or your computer was yet to be cleaned of the vomit.

Be prepared for a Q &A session. Is your boss nosy? Anxious about the sickness (if you work in food service, for example)? Try to imagine what kinds of questions your boss might have. Food poisoning? Contagious? Have you called a doctor? Have you taken anything? Try to have answers for these questions prepared ahead of time; otherwise you'll be fumbling and might lose your story.

Get off the phone as quickly as possible. Stories are told by liars. The longer you are on the phone, the better chance you have to mess something up.


Good Examples of a Sick Statement

"Morning. I'm not going to be in today. I was up all last night sick. My stomach feels terrible."

"I won't be in today, I am not feeling well."

"I've spent the last 12 hours either in bed or in the bathroom. I don't think I should go to work today."

"I'm in terrible shape, and I just don't think it would be fair to you or my co-workers (and/or customers if you're in the retail or food industry) to come to work in this condition - I'd be pretty useless like this."

"I'm using a sick day today" (Usually stories are told when you are lying).

"Hi, this is so-and-so, I don't think I'm going to be able to make it in today. I've been up since 01:00 AM throwing up."

Alternative Method

1 Find alternative ways of contacting your boss. This can be calling your boss' voice mail or SMS or even sending an e-mail rather than speaking with him or her directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller, as well as having to make your voice sound sick. Also, get ready for what to say when the time comes. There isn't always an option to erase and re-record your message if you mess up.

2.Fake Sick at Work Method

Act sick at work. If you really want people to believe you, go to work as per normal. Bring a can of soup with you. When there are at least three people in the room at work, hold your stomach, groan loudly, hold your mouth and then dart into the bathroom. Someone will probably come into the bathroom simply because they will get curious, so close the door and make puking sounds while dumping the soup.

Put on some make up. Spread some soup on your mouth, hold your stomach and come out. Either wash the soup on your mouth in the sink or if you want to be daring, come out holding your stomach with the "vomit" on your face and act dizzy.

While talking interrupt the other person by coughing, groaning, etc. and talk in a monotone, groggy voice.

If you actually ARE sick and you need to get a doctor's note for work, ask for a "Return to Work" date which you know is longer than you'll really need, then go back to work "early" before the note says you should return. This makes you look like a dedicated employee who uses less sick time than necessary, and is documentation that you can point to in your employment record, should your use of sick time ever be questioned in the future.

Make the phone call to your boss whilst lying on your back - you automatically sound groggy.

If your "affliction" sounds gross enough, your boss is more likely to want to hang up the phone and let you get on with it - diarrhea is the classic example of this. Also, if you're female, say hesitantly, "Feminine problems."

If you live with a housemate or spouse, ask them (nicely) to make the phone-in-sick-call and tell them to explain you are too ill to get to the phone.

Be sure not to use "if I feel better, I'll try to come in after lunch." He will know you won't and will immediately know you're lying.

Do not "schedule" a sick day in advance. If your boss finds out that you let people know two weeks ago that you were going to be sick today, you could lose your job.

Lie in bed on your back with your head over the side. Let the blood rush to your head. After a few minutes, this position makes you sound very stuffy and just not yourself.

Note - Wet feet or wet hair do not cause illness. The day before, if you have a "real" cold and there's a snowstorm, tell your workmates that you forgot to wear boots and consequently got a bunch of snow in your shoes and you drove home with frozen feet. Logically, you get a fever overnight.

Go to work when you're really sick, so your boss will not think you're faking when you decided to play sick to get out of working. Once you're shoved out the door a few times for being deathly ill (and infectious) at work your boss becomes thankful when you do call in sick.

If you go to the beach on your day off, don't forget the sunscreen. Showing up to work the next day looking like a lobster can be embarrassing, not to mention incriminating.

If you want to get multiple days off, pick a good illness: a migraine or a bad case of gastro can get you off for two or more days, as they can carry on for a long time and pop up at any time. Pink eye and strep throat can drag on longer. Research the illness if you're very dedicated to avoiding work. Ask friends for the symptoms of the bad (real) illnesses they've had over time.

Casually mention you've called the doctor and are waiting to hear back with an appointment time. (Say you left a message with the service last night or with a nurse today.) During peak cold and flu seasons it may be several days before they could squeeze you in for an office visit. If work demands a note after you get back you can always say your appointment isn't until later in the week. It gives you time to run to the doctor.

If you try to take off on a Friday, then you will have more time to "recover" over the weekend.

If you're going to cop-out with voicemail:

1) Don't leave too many "um..."'s in your explanation. Write it down & read it. Or, at least have it well rehearsed.

2) Don't just say you're "sick." Have tangible symptoms that people can relate to.

3) Don't try to fool people if they know you have other things going on in your life. Be honest with people. If you just need a few hours off to run an errand or pick a relative up at an airport, just tell the truth.

There’s more to it... But this should get you through...