Trying to get back to normal…

And I failed. Miserably. I’d promised my God-Daughter (Amber) and her sister (Elian) that I would take them down to Milton Keynes to do some shopping – Ok – to allow them to get their Mum (Carole) a Mother’s Day present. The reason that they asked me, was because it was easier if I was with them, as every time they went shopping, Carole was with them.

Ok – I can sympathise with that – I used to have the same trouble as a kid (but Dad used to be a real help to me – he would keep Mum out of the way whilst I got the card!)

So, despite the fact that I was still in shock after the death of my beloved horse, I went to pick the pair of them up at the ungodly hour of 07:15 yesterday morning. Mum was with me, and we got the child seats into the back of my car, and the four of us headed to Milton Keynes.

We arrived ok, and the first stop was Marks and Spencer. Mum had given up trying to find a wrap, but Amber (bless the little monster) had spotted one, and pointed it out to Mum for me. Result? Mum bought it and a couple of lightweight jerseys that Elian had found for her.

So, that meant that I had to head back to the car with the shopping, as I didn’t want to be loaded down with shopping, as well as trying to keep an eye on the girls and making sure that Mum was ok.

I didn’t object, as that gave me a few minutes peace and quiet to call my beloved, and let him know that I was reasonably ok, and that I would see him later. I put the bits and pieces in the boot of the car, and re-joined Mum and the little monsters.

We stopped in a couple of shops, and by this time, Amber and Elian were starting to get hungry, and kept asking if we were stopping for breakfast. That was the idea, as Mum was getting tired and could do with a break.

After breakfast, I went into Boots to try and get my prescriptions sorted out (one for my asthma inhaler, and the other for my epi-pen). That caused fun and games, as there had been a flood (or so I was told) meaning that I couldn’t get the epi-pen sorted out.

Amber was disgusted, and walked back to Mum, loudly announcing that “Boots are useless – they can’t even sort out Auntie Karen’s prescription.” That made me grin, and I told Mum the reason that I had been given, and that I would try my luck at Superdrug, which also had a dispensing pharmacy.

However, none of us realised that there was a problem with part of the precinct in Milton Keynes (I think there was a fire that did some damage to part of the roadway / market area). This meant that we had to back track though TK Maxx and BHS. Fortunately, there were seats where Mum and Amber could perch – Elian decided that it was her turn to make sure that I got my prescription sorted out.

Again – misfortune seemed to strike. The pharmacist was a real gentleman, but was unable to assist as they only had one epi-pen in stock – the reason being the dratted things have such a short shelf life (and only dratted pests like me need them) they tended not to keep more than one in stock.

Ok – I can accept that – I admit I am a dammed nuisance when it comes to my nut allergy – but it’s one of those things that I can’t change. So, it was back on route, and Amber and Elian were determined to go to two places – Waterstones and Lush.

First stop was Waterstones – or more precisely Costa Coffee. Amber was her normal self, and bagged a really good table. Some silly female had the nerve to tell Amber to move, as she wanted the table. Not a wise move, as Amber stood her ground, politely pointed out that she had already taken the table and that she wasn’t going to move, as her Auntie wasn’t going to get knocked sitting at this table.

At this point, Mum arrived with both Elian and me, and Amber proudly called us to the table. Once Mum was seated comfortable, Amber joined her sister and myself in the queue, and made her decision about a drink – which turned out to be a huge hot chocolate. Elian opted for a Sprite, and I got myself an iced vanilla latte, and got Mum a Coke Zero.

Once we’d had a break (and Amber had demolished her hot chocolate) we had a look around Waterstones, and then headed to Lush. Mum elected to wait outside on the seats near by (she finds the smell in the shop over powering, and enjoys watching to see if anyone buys any shoes in the shop next to Lush – to her knowledge, no-one ever has!) So, the three of us went in.

Now Lush has launched a new product – a skin tint that you mix with your favourite moisturiser to make a tinted moisturiser. So, whilst I was getting that sorted out (I had no idea which one I needed – other than I knew it would be a light one – whether it was the light pink or the light yellow I didn’t know) the little monsters were up to something.

The first I knew of it, was when Amber demanded that I opened up the bag that I was carrying, as they had got something that they needed to put in to it. So, I bent down, and was told that they had bought me two bath bombs (Blackberry Bomb) and a bubble bar slice (the Comforter) as they said I needed cheering up.

That was it. I lost it. I couldn’t help it, and the two kids cuddled me and wiped away the tears that had escaped. Amber asked if I was wearing waterproof mascara, as there were no black trails, and smiled when I said I hadn’t bothered with mascara that morning.

I made my purchases (the skin tint was light pink in the end) and I bought a couple of other bits as well as helping Amber and Elian sort out Carole’s Mother’s Day present.

We then headed for home and I dropped off the little monsters (and help them hide Carole’s present with Rachel’s help) and then I headed for home, and spoke to Gianni (my vet) about the results of the post mortem on Flame.

It turned out that Flame had a heart defect that could have killed her at any time. This caused more than a few tears, and I was glad that I had a few hours before I hit the road again to head to the Green Man where I was meeting my beloved.

I got to the Green Man about 17:30, and as I had beaten my beloved there, I sat in the car listening to the England vs. Ireland rugby match from Twickenham. And lost it, as Gianni’s words finally started to sink in. I didn’t even see my beloved pull up along side me in the car park, and the first time I realised that he was there was when I heard him call me.

I left my car (and the rugby match – it was level pegging at that point) and joined him in his car. Which is where I promptly dissolved into tears, again. I didn’t realise just how badly Flame’s death had hit me until then, and how much my beloved’s support really meant to me.

He said that if I ever needed him again, then I was to call, and no matter how often I told him that I was ok, he said he would ignore me and head straight up to see me at home. That just made me cry even more, and I realised that I had found probably the one person in my life that I could truly rely on.

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don’t get me wrong – my friends and my family have been wonderful to me since my loss, but it’s only really been my beloved who has allowed me to fall apart and not make it seem like he’s standing in judgement on me.

We parted just after 20:00, as I was falling asleep. This is no reflection on my beloved – it’s just that I’ve not been able to sleep the past couple of nights. He made me promise that I would let him know that I was home ok, and that I would drive carefully.

Ok – no problem with that. I decided to head straight for the M40, as this would force me to concentrate on my driving as there were other road users to be aware of (and I stood less chance of encountering a deer and doing some serious damage to my car).

The problem arose when my natural competitive streak appeared whilst I was driving down the A43 to the motorway. I had some little fool in an underpowered Vauxhall Corsa try and out run me (after he’d nearly blinded me with his damned headlights as he overtook me, and then seemed to try to take the nose of the car off when he cut back into the lane in front of me.) Needless to say, I engaged sports mode on the car, and the Peugeot took off like I’d shoved a rocket up the tail pipe.

It took a couple of miles before he realised that he didn’t stand a chance against me, and dropped back rather rapidly. Mind you – I’m not really surprised – the car hit about 80mph, and I still had plenty more left to go…

That’s what you get when you try and play with a deceptively powerful car – which mine is. All it says on the back end is 207. That means it could be anything from the 1.4 to the little horror that mine is…

I got home about 21:20, and sent a message to my beloved to let him know that I was home ok, as I had promised him that I would do so. I knew that he’d been worried about me driving, so I did my best to put his mind at rest.

As for today? Well, it’s been a quiet day – I went into Leamington to pick up my new contact lenses, and just have a quiet wander around. It was quite good in its way – I managed to get two films on DVD that I’d been looking for – one was Snakes on a Plane (yes, I’ve finally bought it!) and the other was Snake Eyes, with Nicholas Cage and Gary Sinese.

I’ve tried to watch it (Snake Eyes) several times, but it’s always been on at some daft time at night, and I’ve usually fallen asleep with the TV on. So, this time, I’m hoping that I’m going to be able to watch it without falling asleep.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I want to grab a bath before diner.

Back tomorrow, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most