Why can’t I sleep?

It’s crazy. I’m too wired to sleep, and I will admit, my brain cell has been racing, trying to work out the reasons why. I think the main reason is because I didn’t want to admit to myself how wound up I’d been about my review.

I know this sounds crazy, (and those people who know me will no doubt agree with me) but I was really worried. My boss was really pleased with me, and said that it was one of the easiest reviews that he’d had to do. (Guess I must be doing something right then!)

But, I know that I have no room for complacency, and in a way, I think I was sub-consciously prepping myself for a real kicking.

So, rather than lie in bed, feeling frustrated, as there is bugger all on TV worth watching (I refuse point blank to watch I’m a celebrity – get me out of here! – For those people who haven’t heard of / seen it – believe me, you’re not missing much!) I decided to do some updates for my blog.

I admit that I've not been updating it as much as I would like to, but given that my workload over the past few weeks or so has been horrific, I’ve hardly had chance to think straight, and when I get home, the last thing I want to do, is sit in front of a computer again!

As I type this entry, I must be a real glutton for punishment. I’m listening to a variety of music that I’ve copied onto my computer (ah, the joys of a 120 GB hard disk), and one of the songs is Eurythmics – Thorn in my side.

I will admit, it does remind me an awful lot of the way I’ve ended up feeling about my ex-fiancé. It talks about feeling emotionally overpowered by someone else, and that the only option left to the singer is to get the hell out of the relationship. See what you make of it…

Thorn in my side
Eurythmics [spoken] You gave me such a bad time
[spoken] Tried to hurt me
[spoken] But now I know

Thorn in my side
You know that’s all you ever were
A bundle of lies
You know that it’s all that it was worth

I should have known better
But I trusted you at first
I should have know better
But I got what I deserved

To run away from you
Was all that I could do
To run away from you
Was all that I could do
To run away from you
Was all that I could do
To run away from you
Was all that I could do

Thorn in my side
You know that’s all you’ll ever be
So don’t think you know better
‘Cause that’s what you mean to me

I was feeling complicated
I was feeling low
Now every time I think of you
I shiver to the bone

To run away from you
Was all that I could do
To run away from you

Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run
Run, run, run, run

To run away from you
Was all that I could do
To run away from you
Was all that I could do

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t regret getting involved with him the first time, but I should have listened to my gut instincts and stayed away when we first split up, instead of allowing myself to be talked into giving the relationship another try. Crazy I know, but again, another song sums up how low I was feeling towards the end of the relationship…

The Rasmus
The One I Love


Haven't slept in a week
My bed has become my coffin
Cannot breath, cannot speak
My head's like a bomb, still waiting
Take my heart and take my soul
I don't need them anymore

The one I love
Is striking me down on my knees
[The one I love] Drowning me in my dreams
[The one I love] Over and over again
Dragging me under

Hypnotized by the night
Silently rising beside me
Emptiness, nothingness
Is burning a hole inside me
Take my faith and take my pride
I don't need them anymore

The one I love
Is striking me down on my knees
Drowning me in my dreams
[The one I love] Over and over again
[The one I love] Dragging me under

This bed has become my chapel of stone
A garden of darkness to where I'm thrown
So take my life, I don't need it anymore

The one I love
Is striking me down on my knees
The one I love
Drowning me in my dreams
The one I love
Over and over again
Dragging me under

All I can say is thank God I got out before I married him – otherwise I would be in a bigger mess than I am now. Admittedly, I’m single and more than happy with that situation (despite what people may think – I don’t need to be arm candy for some fella – been there, done that and got the battle scars thank you very much!)

Ah well, suppose I'd better call this entry quits - I've got to be up and around in a few hours - I'm going Christmas shopping.

Back later - if I'm not too bumped, bruised and battered from the trip!

Karen.


Do spiders scream when they see a bug fat hairy human in the bath?