Start the day with a smile.... And get it over with!

This was something that did make me smile, and I just couldn't resist posting it....

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS!!!"
Guess I should think about doing some work, but I've got a severe case of TNFI...

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

You're off for how long???

Well, my friend has been to see his GP, and has been signed off for three weeks! The poor guy didn't sound too good, and said that he felt like he was getting no support from the company that he works for, as they seem to be giving the impression that he's pulling a fast one.

If it had been anyone other than him, I would have been inclined to agree, but I know him well enough to know that he struggles into work - even when I tell him that he's not fit enough to be in.

But, I get the feeling that he's going to need a daft ear to bend, and I'll do my best to help him.

Guess that I should call this quits - I've got to sort the furry fiends out before I crawl into my pit...

Back tomorrow.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Worrying about a friend...

Getting a message like this at 07:15 in the morning is not a good sign...

Good morning Kaz, just to say that I am going back to the hospital.
I can't move much this morning, so I'm leaving now and not going in.
Will let you know what's going on later. Take good care..

Poor sod. I will admit to being worried about him until I called him at lunchtime. He'd finally escaped from the hospital, and had been told that he'd either sprained his back or shifted a disc.

The bit that did make me wonder was the mere fact that the hospital told him that he had to go to his GP if he wanted a sick note, as they were unable to sign him off.

That struck me as a little peculiar, but as he lives in a different region to me, it could be that his local NHS trust has a different policy to the one here - the consultant in A & E tried to sign me me off when I went to see him with broken ribs!

Time to call this quits - I want to veg out..

Back tomorrow.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Next time you think you are having a bad day in the office ...

I'm sorry - this was too good not to post!

*************************************************

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers. He performs underwater repairs on off-shore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,


Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I must first bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my BR chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Trying to re-assure a friend...

Trying to re-assure a friend that he’s not going crazy after his car accident is not an easy thing to do.

He sent me the following text:

Kaz, please talk to me.

I called him and the poor guy was nearly in tears, and said that he was scared of being in a car. He admitted that he was constantly looking in the rear-view mirror, and hated being in traffic.

It was really distressing for me to hear him so upset, and I did my best to re-assure him that he wasn’t going mad, and that it was a normal reaction given what had happened to him yesterday.

But, at the end of the day, all I can do is re-assure him, and give him whatever help and assistance I can over the 'phone, and when I see him, make him realise that he's a really special guy to me, and that I would (and will) move Heaven & Earth to help him if he needs my help.

Time to call this quits - it's about the time Mum gets home from the late shift.

Back tomorrow.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

I must have been a real b'stard in a previous existance...

What makes me say that? Simple. It's not been a good day for me at all.

First of all, I woke up this morning to discover a water leak in the bathroom, meaning that we've had to call out an emergency plumber to fix the leak (the toilet cistern feed was leaking), plus there have been tiles comming off the wall in the kitchen, as the water soaked through the floorboards and loosened the adhesive.

Then, I sent a text message to my friend asking if he was ok, only to get the following reply:

Kaz, I can't talk now - I'll call you in a bit.

I will admit to feeling slightly apprehensive, and then when I got this message from him - I burst into tears!

Hiya, I'm sorry to say the GTi is in a bad way. I've just been involved in an RTA, but I'm at home.

As soon as I was calm enough (which took a few seconds), I called him. It turned out that he'd been shunted into the back of another car when he was comming back from an escape, and was fairly sure that the car was going to be a write off.

I will admit to nagging him to go to the hospital though, and asked him to let me know that he was ok - which he did so. It turns out that he has whiplash, and that he hurts like hell.

But, as far as I'm concerned, he's in one piece. Cars are bits of metals that can be repaired or replaced - but flesh and blood is infinitely more important.

Time to call this quits - I need to get to bed.

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Trying to salvage a friendship....

Sometimes, I feel like a real low life. I got a text from an old friend of mine, that really upset me...

Not heard from you for a month, Mum died on Feb 20.

Where was my friend when I needed you?

I mean, when the hell can you say to a text like that??? I will admit, I had to think fast on my feet, and sent a reply saying that I'd been out of the country, and had only just gotten back.

Thankfully, my friend didn't hold a grudge against me, and we got talking about various things, and I will admit, when I put the 'phone down, I was quite upset.

But, as luck would have it, I was able to speak to my daft friend later, and he said that he was a little bit upset because he was getting rid of his current bike, but was looking forward to getting the new one.

I thought I'd managed to hide the fact that I was feeling down, but obviously, I didn't do it well enough, and he asked whet was wrong. When I told him about the 'phone call I'd had, he seemed quite quite upset that I hadn't called him.

It wasn't a case of not wanting to call him - I did - I just needed time to get my emotions under some form of control, as I could see myself bursting into tears on the 'phone, as all the previous phone call had done was dig up the memories and emotions that I had done my best to bury after Dad died.

Guess I should call this quits - I need to get some sleep tonight...

Back tomorrow if I get the chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

More rotten jokes…

It’s at times like this when you realise just who your friends really are – they’re the ones who go out of their way to make you smile and laugh (even if it does hurt like hell to do so!)

I get all sorts of jokes sent to me, but this was one that really did make me flinch with pain, simply because I was laughing so much!

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman Pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua figured convincing him a Chihuahua was a seeing eye dog may be too far fetched, but thought "what the heck", so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing Eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a fuckin' Chihuahua???!!"

Back tomorrow, if my ribs have improved any…

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

In a world of pain…

I’m beginning to wonder if I should be in… I slipped in the kitchen last night, and fell and landed against the edge of the sink… Ok – not normally a big problem, but I landed on the side that had the cracked ribs…

I called my friend and we spoke for a while, until he persuaded me to go to the hospital to get myself checked out… I will admit, I felt guilty about asking Mum to take me to the A&E department, but when she saw the state I was in, I got earache for not telling her earlier!

I got home at 00:45, and could just about see straight enough to send my friend a message to let him know that I was ok, but I will admit to being spaced out of my brain cell (I’d had a pethadine jab) – I felt like I was floating! (Now I know how Fred must feel on catnip!)

I sent him an e-mail to say I was in the office, and he replied, telling me that I shouldn’t be in…

…hope you are ok but the drugs must have done your head in. What are you doing in work you silly girl? Just make sure that whoever needs to know knows about your situation.

 It’s nearly time for me to take some more painkillers – and I don’t know when I’ll be back to updating this, as my ribs are hurting the whole time I’m sitting at the computer…

Back when I get relatively pain-free…

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Something to brighten a dreary day…

I’m bored. However, I’m lucky enough to have people out in the big bad world who’ll send me such gems as this:

WHY I AM TIRED
For a couple years, I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood circulation, or anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Based on our own Government statistics here's why:
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time, there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
Guess I should get on with some w*rk, but I’m suffering from a severe lack of interest…

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Planning another escape…

I get back from one escape, and I immediately start planning another escape – with the same person!

This time, it’s the Italian car day at Brooklands, and from what I’ve been told, it should be one hell of a weekend. Apparently, there are loads of cars there, and you get the chance to walk around, ask questions and get your sticky little mitts on them as well!

I’ve got to admit, I’m really looking forward to this, and all I need to do is find out what date this is, and see if Mum’s got anything planned, as the last thing I want to do is upset her…

Guess I should call this quits - I’m supposed to be working…

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

A fun but tiring weekend…

It was just the sort of weekend I needed to brighten my mood after a rotten week.

I got to our meeting point, and was able to sneak up on my friend who had his back to the door, and made him jump by giving him a cuddle. We had a coffee and talked about the route to Cosford – which meant that we would have to use the M6… Ok – not a problem there, as it was a Saturday, but I knew from past experience that traffic could be hell.

The museum at Cosford opened at 10am, and there were a couple of aircraft outside... Not an issue, but it was blowing a gale across the airfield, and I was shivering, despite the fact that I had a heavy coat on – as it was my legs that were cold!

Once inside, my friend was a real angel and guided my frozen carcass to the hot air vents, which supplied heat to the museum building – and me! Once I was warmed up (ok – not nearly as warm as I would have liked, but I don’t think my friend would have been too keen on staying by the heater as it was quite a drive to get to Cosford!), we started to go ‘round the museum.

I will admit, I was wishing that Dad was with me, as he would have really enjoyed the museum – simply because he would have been able to tell me about the passenger aircraft that my friend and I were looking at.

The exhibits were incredible, and I will admit being awestruck by the sheer size of the Lincoln bomb bay, and my friend was a real angel, and explained about the different ways that the bombs could be loaded, and also showed me the loading diagram on the side of the bomb bay.

I also saw one of my favourite aircraft – the Spitfire. Ok – I know that sounds corny, but it really is a favourite of mine, and I’ve been lucky enough to see one flying several times – and one of those times was when the Lancaster bomber was flying as well…

We then walked down to the other hangar, where there were a variety of aircraft, including the York transport aircraft – which was another derivation of the Lancaster bomber. My friend was quite upset, as the aircraft had its tail pointing towards us, and we were unable to go around the front, but he took the time to explain what the differences were and what it was used for.

The one thing that he was determined to do was go and see the Vulcan cockpit simulation... Ok – not a problem there, as I was interested as well, but I didn’t realise that I was claustrophobic.

Which is crazy, simply because I didn’t have a problem when I went ‘round St Michael’s cave in Gibraltar. I couldn’t stay in there, and I gave my friend quite a fright when he turned ‘round, and I’d gone!

What I did was scoot out as fast as I could, and headed for the Concorde engine, as it was something that I was interested in (as I’ve got several bits of one at home, thanks to Dad, who used to work for British Airways!)

I didn’t hear him walking up behind me, and he returned the fright that I’d given him earlier in the day, and was quite concerned about me. I explained that I had felt very uncomfortable, and needed to get out of there as fast as I could. He was really sweet, and said that if he’d known that I was claustrophobic, he wouldn’t have let me go in there!

We then decided that it was time for a coffee, and as the coffee shop was in the main building, it meant that I got cold again! I wasn’t terribly impressed, and headed straight for the coffee shop, whilst he went ‘round the shop.

Once that was sorted, we then headed for our over night stopping point – which was the Mellor Park Premier Inn at Wolverhampton – as my friend wanted to go to Chapel Ash Harley Davidson the following day.

Before we went to dinner, he got this bag out, and told me to hold out my hands, and close my eyes… I will admit to being somewhat suspicious, as he can be quite a wind up merchant, but I decided to trust him. I felt something soft and furry against my hands, and when I opened my eyes, he’d given me this really sweet little toy tiger!

He said that it was the only one in the basket, and had made the most of the fact that I’d gone for a coffee, as it meant that he could dig through properly, and see if he could find a little tiger for me! Needless to say, the tiger was duly named Cosford, after the place that he was bought, and I hooked him straight onto my car keys, so that he was safe.

I then gave him the little teddy that I’d got him (it came with a miniature bottle of Bells whisky) and he immediately called it Grumpy, as it had a seriously grumpy expression on it face!

We then decided to go to the adjoining pub for dinner, which was really good, and I have to admit, I was absolutely shattered – but equally over the moon, as Scotland had won the Calcutta Cup! (It’s a trophy that is contested between the English and Scottish rugby union teams)

The following day, we headed for Chapel Ash, and had a quiet wander around… I bought myself this magnificent t-shirt, in shades of blue, with the union jack on the back – much to the disgust and annoyance of my friend, as it was the one that he wanted!

The drive back was ok – apart from the fact that I really aggravated my shoulder injury, by being too damned stubborn to stop and have a break – which caused my friend quite a bit of worry, as we parted company at Warwick services, and he admitted that he was worried about me, as he wouldn’t be there to act as my back up if anything went wrong!

But, I survived, and had a really good weekend, and the memories will keep me smiling when I’m feeling down…

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Time to call this quits – I’m supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back when I get chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

It's been a long time, but my time is finally near.

It's so close to me going away for the weekend that I can scarcely believe it. Simply because the time seems to have been dragging, and I know tonight that I am going to have an awful job getting some sleep.Ok, I'm an insomniac anyway, but I get the feeling that tonight will be worse that normal...

It's been a long road, getting from there to here.
It's been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I can feel the change in the wind right now, nothing's in my way.
And they're not gonna hold me down no more,
No they're not gonna hold me down.

But, the best bit is knowing that I'm going to be spending a weekend with a really good friend, and know that I can let the barriers down,and be myself without having to put on the usual front that I have when I'm in the office....

I've known the wind so cold, I've seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine ...

Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got faith to believe, I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul, and no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star; I've got faith, faith of the heart.

Guess I should call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back later if I get chance...

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

In the office, and in pain...

My shoulder's killing me, and I'm beginning to wish that I hadn't decided to drive today. Thankfully, Mum's insured on the car, so if my shoulder is as painful when I finish at 17:00, I'll drive down to see Mum, and then ask her to drive home.

What doesn't help me, is when I get smart ass comments about me going horse riding. I wouldn't object in the slightest if I had been riding,but the closest I've been to a horse was going to see Flame this morning, and giving her a treat - a couple of apples that I'd picked up at Sainsbury's on Sunday.

But, the thing that's worrying me is Saturday. I'm supposed to be going to Cosford with my daft hog riding friend. Ok - I know that doesn't sound too bad, but it's about an 80 mile drive - most of it motorway.

But, I guess the way to deal with it is dose myself up with painkillers before I go and meet my friend, and try my best to hide the fact that my shoulder is killing me.

Failing that, I'm just going to have to grin and bear it, and admit that my shoulder is giving me a great deal of trouble, and take the consequences head on.

Guess I should call this entry quits - I need to get some bits and pieces sorted out.

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Starting to walk on air...

There's something about talking to a good friend that really lifts me.

I called my daft hog riding friend at lunchtime, and he was making me laugh, complaining about his phone and hands-free kit packing up. Once he'd had his grump about that, we got talking about various things - including his trip to see We Will Rock You in London last night.

He said that it was really good, as he really likes his Queen music, and said that there were some parts that had him in tears, as he admitted that he's rather vulnerable at the moment, and was grateful that the theatre was dark!

We got talking about our trip to Cosford, and we've agreed to meet between 08:00 and 08:30, and the second one there not only buys the coffee and also gets a huge hug. That made me blush, and I have to admit that I was really glad that I was in the car, and not anywhere that I could be seen!

Once we get to Cosford, we've both agreed to turn our 'phones off, and he has said that he'll have no need for his phone, as he would be holding my hand the whole time, and that when he hugged me, he said that it would take an awful lot to make him let go of me! That made my smile get even bigger, and I have to admit, I'm counting the hours until I see him, as he means an awful lot to me.

We had to end the call as he was arriving at his next customer's premises, and he said that he would see me very soon, and would speak to me later this evening, when he finishes work.

Time to call this quits - I've got four tyres to locate for an order...

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Something smells fishy. Very fishy indeed. Positively tuna casserole.

And I think I know where the smell is coming from. I'm getting landed with dealing with the account that I have to run weekly reports for. Ok - not normally a problem, but I get the impression that it could be another poison chalice for me, and I have enough on my plate dealing with the OTR stuff.

But, at least I've been asked if I want to have more to do with this account... I suppose I could have refused, but the way things are looking at the moment, refusal would not have been very healthy for my career. Don't get me wrong, I'm not worried about my job - it's just that recently, I've had a few wobbles, and I don't really want to blot my copy book any further.

To add insult to injury, I've also got to speak to my line manager tomorrow about one report for this damned account, as they want to know what stock will be available for them every week.

Err, excuse me, I'll just use my crystal ball to see what all the other customers are going to order. There is no way that it can be done with the present system, as I know damned well that the data will be obsolete even before it's left my in-box.

Guess I should call this entry quits - it's nearly time for me to escape on my lunch.

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Back in the saddle? I wish.

Well, I've got my body armour, but I'm not fit enough to go riding yet. The armour fits nicely, but it still hurts to breathe when I've got it on, and that tells me that I'm still recovering from the injuries that I sustained when Flame kicked me.

Ok - I know that it could be an awful lot worse - and I could be in hospital recovering , but I was hoping to be able to start riding as soon as I got my armour. So, it means that on a nice sunny afternoon, there's no buggering off down to the farm to get Canute (or Flame) saddled up, and disappearing off into the the hills.

So, I guess that it means a few more weeks of being careful, and not doing anything bloody stupid, until I can breath without pain when wearing the armour.

Time to call this quits - I'm supposed to be looking on the web for a new digital camera...

Back when I get chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug

And today was my day to be the bug. I seemed to get splattered on practically every windshield that I encountered, and all it did was spread my confidence like a bug's innards.

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're a fool in love
Sometimes you're the Louisville slugger
Sometimes you're the ball
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're going to lose it all

But, I'm lucky enough to have friends who do their damnedest to scrape my confidence up off the windshield of life, and send me e-mails like this:

What can I say 'bout my friend Karen?
She is kind, warm hearted, with a devilish sense of humour
She is small but all the best things come in small packages
She is fiery yet gentle she is lovely and caring yet doesn't show everyone
She is private yet outgoing she shows love and affection
She loves cuddles and will get some and kisses as well
I love her company she is great fun I know the real Karen and there is only one
I wouldn't want her any other way so don't you change not for anyone
Don't you cry there is no need for you are not alone
You are strong and you are the best never let them tell you that you are not
You're a winner and that's what sets you apart from the rest
Winners make it happen losers let it happen and you ain't a loser and you know it
Take your strength from those who really know you not those who think they know you
Lean on those that you can count on not those who count on you
Use the shoulders given to you, they may be uncomfortable but use them to rest your head or cry on
Use the cuddles you receive as they are silent but mean so much
Thank you for being my friend your friendship means so much to me and I cherish it always as I cherish you

When I read that, it was all I could do to say at my desk, and not run outside and find somewhere I could cry my eyes out.

Time to call this quits - I'm about to get savaged by the cats - they're hungry and I've not fed them yet!

Back later - if I'm in one piece!

Karen

Learning to fly but I don't have wings

Shattered dreams, and a shattered heart?

On the work front, it's been a good day for me. On the personal front - it's been a disaster - and not for me, but for someone whom I care about a great deal.

I realised that something was wrong, when my friend sent me an e-mail, telling me that he wouldn't be answering his 'phone to anyone, and that he wouldn't be sending any e-mails either..

Normally, if I get an e-mail like that, my immediate thought is "what the hell have I done to upset him this time", but he seemed to realise that would be my first thought when I read the message.

He was at pains to point out that it was nothing that I'd done, but he just needed time to get his emotions together, and would be in contact with me soon.

Ok - not a lot I could say about that, but I don't mind admitting that my mind was on anything but my work, and was only too keen to make a run for it at 17:00...

As Mum was working the late shift, it meant that I had the house to myself, and was able to sort out bits and pieces, whilst having a part of my mind on whether my friend was ok...

I got my answer soon enough. My mobile chimed, and I had a text message from my friend, asking me if I could call him...

I did, and it was like someone had blown a hole in the Hoover dam. He was distraught, and in tears, and I will admit to feeling helpless, as there is only so much that you can do when you're at the end of the 'phone, and there's a fair distance between you.

And now you've given me, given me,

Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams,

Feel like I could run away, run away,

From this empty heart

At the end of the day, all anyone can do is act as a shoulder for someone to cry on, and when they're in that sort of emotional state, try to keep their head above the emotional tsunami the best that you can.

Time to call this quits - I've got things to do, and the reception on my mobile stinks, so I need to be somewhere where I can get a call on my 'phone.

Back when I get chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Bored, and time is dragging...

It’s one of those days when time seems to be dragging its heels, and I’m reduced to scratting around trying to find something to keep me out of mischief… But, thankfully there have been several good jokes coming my way…

Three guys - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also be a farmer. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in our out - it's virtually impenetrable."

The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."

This was one of the others that made me snigger…


Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.

One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary... Basically the same thing.

This one, though was the one that made me grin….

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied.

He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

Hmm – suppose I should look like I’m working, but I’m suffering from a severe case of TNFI…

Back later, if I get chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don't have wings