There's nothing like a bit of banter to make me feel brighter... I was away from my desk, and I heard my 'phone bleep, and me being half asleep didn't check the number...
"You didn't recognize my number that time, did you Karen?" came the mocking tone on my 'phone. It was my other half.
"If I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have answered my 'phone."
That made him laugh, and he started having a gentle dig at me because I apparently sounded half asleep! I refrained from saying that I'd been up at 04:30 this morning to go horse-riding!
But, that was my decision, and I don't regret it for a moment, as it was a lovely ride this morning... The birds were starting to sing, and Flame was being an absolute angel - almost as if she realized that I was feeling fragile because my shoulder was (and still is) giving me hell.
Ok - I know that going horse-riding probably wasn't the best thing that I could have done, but I'm not going to give up my horse just yet... Ok - if I have to have the shoulder operated on (and I get a horrible feeling I will do) I'll stop riding, but until it gets to that stage then I'll be in the saddle as much as I possibly can.
Ah well, suppose I should think about doing some w*rk, but I'm not really in the mood....
Back later if I get chance.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Getting the Tiger's roar back...
Posted by
Karen
Well, I'm happier than I was yesterday, but that's only because two of the people I really care about have been absolute angels, and helped me get back on my 'paws'.
One of them was my daft hog riding friend, who was a real gem, and made me laugh by telling me about things that he used to do in previous jobs, as well as telling me not to take things too personally - especially where my work is concerned!
The other person was my partner, who came up to see me, and when he realised how down I really was, took me out for a drink, and a chill out at a pub that he knows, in a village between our homes...
I hadn't had anything to eat, simply because when I got home last night, I was far too uptight to eat... So, in theory, I should have been plastered by the time he dropped me off back home last night... But as per normal, the theory didn't follow the actual result - I was stone-cold sober.
Ok - I wouldn't have risked driving, but I was no-where near being drunk, and my partner was a real gent - he made sure that I was in the house ok before he left, and sent me a text message to let me know that he was home ok.
Time to call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be going into a meeting in a couple of minutes...
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
One of them was my daft hog riding friend, who was a real gem, and made me laugh by telling me about things that he used to do in previous jobs, as well as telling me not to take things too personally - especially where my work is concerned!
The other person was my partner, who came up to see me, and when he realised how down I really was, took me out for a drink, and a chill out at a pub that he knows, in a village between our homes...
I hadn't had anything to eat, simply because when I got home last night, I was far too uptight to eat... So, in theory, I should have been plastered by the time he dropped me off back home last night... But as per normal, the theory didn't follow the actual result - I was stone-cold sober.
Ok - I wouldn't have risked driving, but I was no-where near being drunk, and my partner was a real gent - he made sure that I was in the house ok before he left, and sent me a text message to let me know that he was home ok.
Time to call this entry quits - I'm supposed to be going into a meeting in a couple of minutes...
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
You want me to do what??
Posted by
Karen
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Miss a Grand Prix to go shopping? No chance.
That's what the 'phone call was about. The fella that's been making life bearable since I split up with my ex, wanted to take me shopping tomorrow.
I know this may sound surprising - a woman turning down a shopping trip, but unfortunately (or fortunately) for the fella concerned, there's the small matter of the French Grand Prix at Mangy-Cours to be dealt with.
Thankfully, he was really sweet about it, and said that he'd forgotten that the race was on, and if he'd realised, he would have asked me to go out with him today.
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
No, nothing else matters
That made me smile, and I told him that I appreciated the offer, but it would have to wait for a while, as the weekend I get back from Cornwall, I'm off to Silverstone for the British Grand Prix, and the following weekend? I'm hoping to be able to meet up with my daft friend, so I'll have to see what happens.
Not that I'm trying to avoid going shopping with him - far from it. It's just that life's a bit on the hectic side at the moment, and I'm finding it a bit tough to fit in all of my commitments to friends and family!
Time to call this entry quits, I've got bits and pieces to sort out on the computer...
Back tomorrow, if I get chance - otherwise it'll be round about the 11th of July, to allow for me to escape to Silverstone.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
That's what the 'phone call was about. The fella that's been making life bearable since I split up with my ex, wanted to take me shopping tomorrow.
I know this may sound surprising - a woman turning down a shopping trip, but unfortunately (or fortunately) for the fella concerned, there's the small matter of the French Grand Prix at Mangy-Cours to be dealt with.
Thankfully, he was really sweet about it, and said that he'd forgotten that the race was on, and if he'd realised, he would have asked me to go out with him today.
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
No, nothing else matters
That made me smile, and I told him that I appreciated the offer, but it would have to wait for a while, as the weekend I get back from Cornwall, I'm off to Silverstone for the British Grand Prix, and the following weekend? I'm hoping to be able to meet up with my daft friend, so I'll have to see what happens.
Not that I'm trying to avoid going shopping with him - far from it. It's just that life's a bit on the hectic side at the moment, and I'm finding it a bit tough to fit in all of my commitments to friends and family!
Time to call this entry quits, I've got bits and pieces to sort out on the computer...
Back tomorrow, if I get chance - otherwise it'll be round about the 11th of July, to allow for me to escape to Silverstone.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
So I dub thee unforgiven...
Posted by
Karen
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That's the way that I'm dealing with my ex. Ok - I know that it sounds like I'm being incredibly vindictive and nasty, but given the way I'm feeling, I feel entirely justified to react like this.
If I'd had my way, I would have spoken to him face to face, instead of showing the distinct lack of courage and splitting up with him in a 'phone call.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee unforgiven
As for my holiday next week, I'm still going to Devon and Cornwall - but I'm traveling with Mum instead. After I'd split up with my ex, Mum made the suggestion that I still went, but that she came with me, as she said that it would be the best thing I could do - get away from the area for a few days, and try and get myself back to some semblance of normality.
Ok - I appreciate the thought - and the best bit (for me, anyway!) is the fact that we're going to go to the RHS garden at Rosemoor in Devon. (See http://www.rhs.org.uk/WhatsOn/gardens/rosemoor/index.asp)
That's something that I couldn't have done with my ex, as he wasn't that interested in gardening, despite agreeing to go to the Eden project with me (see http://www.edenproject.com/)
So, whatever else may have happened recently, I've got the better end of the deal - I'll be able to go and see things that I want to see - with the added bonus that Mum's a member of the RHS, so the admission will be free, and she can tell me about the plants that I don't recognise!
Suppose I should answer my 'phone before the damned thing drives me mad!
Back later.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
If I'd had my way, I would have spoken to him face to face, instead of showing the distinct lack of courage and splitting up with him in a 'phone call.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee unforgiven
As for my holiday next week, I'm still going to Devon and Cornwall - but I'm traveling with Mum instead. After I'd split up with my ex, Mum made the suggestion that I still went, but that she came with me, as she said that it would be the best thing I could do - get away from the area for a few days, and try and get myself back to some semblance of normality.
Ok - I appreciate the thought - and the best bit (for me, anyway!) is the fact that we're going to go to the RHS garden at Rosemoor in Devon. (See http://www.rhs.org.uk/WhatsOn/gardens/rosemoor/index.asp)
That's something that I couldn't have done with my ex, as he wasn't that interested in gardening, despite agreeing to go to the Eden project with me (see http://www.edenproject.com/)
So, whatever else may have happened recently, I've got the better end of the deal - I'll be able to go and see things that I want to see - with the added bonus that Mum's a member of the RHS, so the admission will be free, and she can tell me about the plants that I don't recognise!
Suppose I should answer my 'phone before the damned thing drives me mad!
Back later.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Back to life...
Posted by
Karen
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Well, I seem to be getting back to some semblance of normality, but I admit that I'm still incredibly fragile.
All it takes is for someone to look sideway at me, and I'm in tears. Thankfully, there's been someone who's been a real tower of strength for me,and has gone out of his way to make sure that I'm ok, and has made sure that I'm being left alone when I need peace and quiet at work.
Outside of work, he's been great fun, and has spoilt me rotten - including taking me to see Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, followed by dinner!
And no - it's not my ex. This is the fella that I got to know whilst I was away, and our friendship has just gotten stronger because he's been a real rock for me to lean on/ fall apart on, and it looks like things may progress.
Obviously, I'm not going to say anymore than that, as the last thing I want to do is put the mockers on something that's making me so happy, so please bear with me.
Guess I should call it quits - I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!
Back when I get chance.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
All it takes is for someone to look sideway at me, and I'm in tears. Thankfully, there's been someone who's been a real tower of strength for me,and has gone out of his way to make sure that I'm ok, and has made sure that I'm being left alone when I need peace and quiet at work.
Outside of work, he's been great fun, and has spoilt me rotten - including taking me to see Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, followed by dinner!
And no - it's not my ex. This is the fella that I got to know whilst I was away, and our friendship has just gotten stronger because he's been a real rock for me to lean on/ fall apart on, and it looks like things may progress.
Obviously, I'm not going to say anymore than that, as the last thing I want to do is put the mockers on something that's making me so happy, so please bear with me.
Guess I should call it quits - I'm supposed to be working, not blogging!
Back when I get chance.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Into the fire
Posted by
Karen
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It’s over.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing abut Tuesday night – I get the feeling that I won’t be in a fit state to see anyone for quite a while.
I can’t type any more – I can barely see the keyboard for my tears.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
I don’t know what I’ll be doing abut Tuesday night – I get the feeling that I won’t be in a fit state to see anyone for quite a while.
I can’t type any more – I can barely see the keyboard for my tears.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Back from the hills…
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Karen
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And the trouble is, I’m almost sure of what my decision will be. I want to call it quits with my partner.
I know this sounds horrible, and that I’ll be judged on the fact that this has come about since I met someone last week, but if the truth be known, I’ve been thinking about calling it quits for a while, but never had the guts to do so.
I know that he’s going to be hurt, and will want answers, but the trouble is, the root cause of our trouble lies with the fact that we’re really too different for things to work.
He wants someone who’s the “stay at home and only go out with him” whereas I’m the one who enjoys spending time with friends, and spending a weekend with Flame and my friends in the Peak District, or the Cotswolds – depending on the mood that takes us all.
But how the hell do you put that into words? There are few occasions that I’m lost for words, as those people who know me can vouch for, but this is one of them.
Now all I’ve got to do is pick the time to tell him that I want out. I know there’s no such thing as a good time to tell someone that a relationship is over, but the longer I leave it, the more he’s likely to harbour hopes of us getting back together.
Damn. My ‘phone’s ringing.
Back later.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
I know this sounds horrible, and that I’ll be judged on the fact that this has come about since I met someone last week, but if the truth be known, I’ve been thinking about calling it quits for a while, but never had the guts to do so.
I know that he’s going to be hurt, and will want answers, but the trouble is, the root cause of our trouble lies with the fact that we’re really too different for things to work.
He wants someone who’s the “stay at home and only go out with him” whereas I’m the one who enjoys spending time with friends, and spending a weekend with Flame and my friends in the Peak District, or the Cotswolds – depending on the mood that takes us all.
But how the hell do you put that into words? There are few occasions that I’m lost for words, as those people who know me can vouch for, but this is one of them.
Now all I’ve got to do is pick the time to tell him that I want out. I know there’s no such thing as a good time to tell someone that a relationship is over, but the longer I leave it, the more he’s likely to harbour hopes of us getting back together.
Damn. My ‘phone’s ringing.
Back later.
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Back to base…
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Karen
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Well, I’m back in the office after being away for four days on the training course…
Ok – I’ve learnt a hell of a lot, and hopefully will be able to give the guys in the field the back-up they deserve. But, being away has really caused me problems with my personal life…
It boils down to the fact that I became close to someone whilst I was away, and this person has been making me laugh, and treating me like I was a real princess.
I know that being away from my normal environment may well have slapped the rose-tinted glasses on, but all it has done is make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
Simply because after I posted the last entry before I went away, my partner and I had a real hum-dinger of a row. It boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want me going, and said that he felt I was putting my job before our relationship, and that I’d been using a variety of excuses to avoid spending any time with him.
I will admit, that was like waving a red-rag to a bull, and I told him exactly what I thought of him. Ok – probably not the best thing I could have done, but it cleared the air between us – even if things are still on the frosty side between us…
Hmm. Not quite the right expression. Frosty is an understatement. Our relationship would make the Antarctic look like the Bahamas at the moment!
The worst part is, since I’ve been back we’ve not spoken. As far as I know, we’re still going to the Grand Prix together, but I will admit to being somewhat apprehensive about going to the West Country with him…
With regards to this other person, until I know what the hell I want to do, we’ve agreed to stay friends, and I’ll avoid rubbing my partner’s nose in the fact that I’m really happy when I’m with this fella.
I mean, we sat chatting on Wednesday night, like we’d known each other all of our lives, and it turned out that we share a similar sense of humour, and a similar outlook on life.
I’ve agreed to meet him on Tuesday night, to go and see a film, and then have dinner with him – as friends. I know that most people reading this will be thinking – yeah right. As if it’ll stop there.
Ok – I admit it is a somewhat underhanded way of dealing with my partner, but if I can get my head in some semblance of order this weekend, I’ll be able to sort things out – I hope.
And what’s the best way for me to do that? Simple. Leave my damned ‘phone at home, and buzz off to the Peak District for a riding weekend with Rachel and the two horses…
Just me, my friend and the horses – I don’t know of a better way to clear my head of an emotional fog – and hopefully have a better idea of what I want to do about this situation…
Suppose I’d better get on with some w*rk, instead of blogging…
Back later if I get chance, otherwise it will be Sunday night before I put the next update on my blog…
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Ok – I’ve learnt a hell of a lot, and hopefully will be able to give the guys in the field the back-up they deserve. But, being away has really caused me problems with my personal life…
It boils down to the fact that I became close to someone whilst I was away, and this person has been making me laugh, and treating me like I was a real princess.
I know that being away from my normal environment may well have slapped the rose-tinted glasses on, but all it has done is make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
Simply because after I posted the last entry before I went away, my partner and I had a real hum-dinger of a row. It boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want me going, and said that he felt I was putting my job before our relationship, and that I’d been using a variety of excuses to avoid spending any time with him.
I will admit, that was like waving a red-rag to a bull, and I told him exactly what I thought of him. Ok – probably not the best thing I could have done, but it cleared the air between us – even if things are still on the frosty side between us…
Hmm. Not quite the right expression. Frosty is an understatement. Our relationship would make the Antarctic look like the Bahamas at the moment!
The worst part is, since I’ve been back we’ve not spoken. As far as I know, we’re still going to the Grand Prix together, but I will admit to being somewhat apprehensive about going to the West Country with him…
With regards to this other person, until I know what the hell I want to do, we’ve agreed to stay friends, and I’ll avoid rubbing my partner’s nose in the fact that I’m really happy when I’m with this fella.
I mean, we sat chatting on Wednesday night, like we’d known each other all of our lives, and it turned out that we share a similar sense of humour, and a similar outlook on life.
I’ve agreed to meet him on Tuesday night, to go and see a film, and then have dinner with him – as friends. I know that most people reading this will be thinking – yeah right. As if it’ll stop there.
Ok – I admit it is a somewhat underhanded way of dealing with my partner, but if I can get my head in some semblance of order this weekend, I’ll be able to sort things out – I hope.
And what’s the best way for me to do that? Simple. Leave my damned ‘phone at home, and buzz off to the Peak District for a riding weekend with Rachel and the two horses…
Just me, my friend and the horses – I don’t know of a better way to clear my head of an emotional fog – and hopefully have a better idea of what I want to do about this situation…
Suppose I’d better get on with some w*rk, instead of blogging…
Back later if I get chance, otherwise it will be Sunday night before I put the next update on my blog…
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
Breaking the habit...
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Karen
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I'm worried. No - it's nothing to do with my ex (he hasn't tried to contact me today, so hopefully he's getting the hint!) but it's to do with my shoulder.
As I've said in previous posts, I've managed to damage my right shoulder again, and am currently undergoing treatment with a physiotherapist. Don't get me wrong, she's very good, but has told me that if I can't rectify the problem with my shoulder blade, then I'll have to see an orthopedic surgeon.
The trouble is, when I damaged the shoulder back in April 2004, it looks like the injury caused the shoulder blade to stick out away from the chest wall, putting strain on the rest of the joint, and causing me no-end of trouble.
And why am I breaking the habit? Simple. I've finally realised that my ex-fiance is a male bunny boiler (if you can have such a thing) and have decided to change my e-mail and mobile phone numbers. I've texted people who's' e-mail addresses I lacked and gave a brief summary of my reasons, and gave them the new details.
To be honest, the Linkin Park track, Breakin' the Habit, sums up just how I'm feeling at this moment in time...
Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume, I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more, than any time before
I have no options left again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
Suppose I'd better log off for tonight - I promised I'd go and see my other half tonight, and it's time I got moving!
Back tomorrow - if I get the chance.
Karen.
Don't let the b'stards get you down.
As I've said in previous posts, I've managed to damage my right shoulder again, and am currently undergoing treatment with a physiotherapist. Don't get me wrong, she's very good, but has told me that if I can't rectify the problem with my shoulder blade, then I'll have to see an orthopedic surgeon.
The trouble is, when I damaged the shoulder back in April 2004, it looks like the injury caused the shoulder blade to stick out away from the chest wall, putting strain on the rest of the joint, and causing me no-end of trouble.
And why am I breaking the habit? Simple. I've finally realised that my ex-fiance is a male bunny boiler (if you can have such a thing) and have decided to change my e-mail and mobile phone numbers. I've texted people who's' e-mail addresses I lacked and gave a brief summary of my reasons, and gave them the new details.
To be honest, the Linkin Park track, Breakin' the Habit, sums up just how I'm feeling at this moment in time...
Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume, I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more, than any time before
I have no options left again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
Suppose I'd better log off for tonight - I promised I'd go and see my other half tonight, and it's time I got moving!
Back tomorrow - if I get the chance.
Karen.
Don't let the b'stards get you down.
Trying to break with the past - but the past won't let me escape
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Karen
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The break away in Edinburgh was just what the doctor ordered - even if I did have a major hangover! But that was self inflicted - I went drinking with some Italian rugby fans after the match. They were drowning their sorrows - I was celebrating, and my other half was just enjoying himself - not to mention trying to block out the freezing cold wind!
The problems arose when we got back to our respective homes. I'd left my 'phone turned off over the weekend, as the people I cared about knew that I was going to be away, and was unlikely to even think about turning my 'phone on, let alone check to see if there were any messages.
When I did turn my 'phone on, I discovered that there were about half a dozen messages - all from my ex-fiance. He sounded desperate, irritated and indifferent, depending on the order that I'd listened to the messages. I will admit, all it did was upset me, as all I want is to be left alone.
But, that wasn't the only trick up his sleeve... He called me last night, and said that he needed to see me, as his father had been diagnosed with cancer, and hadn't got long to live. OK - call me a nasty sceptical cow, but after I'd spoken to him, I called his sister to see what the real truth was.
Yep - you guessed it. He was just stringing me along, as he doesn't know that I'm still in contact with the rest of his family, as I always had time for them. I did the decent thing, and told my other half, who went loopy, and was all in favour of going down south, and beating the living crap out of him.
To be honest, I felt like doing that, but if I did go down south and confront him, it would give him the idea that I care about him, when all I want is for him to leave me the hell alone. And to be honest, it's getting to the stage where I'm worried about answering my 'phone.
I know that there will be people reading this, and who will be sitting there, muttering "Silly cow. Why don't you change your mobile number and e-mail address so that he can't contact you?"
If it was that easy, I would do so, but I fail to see the reason why I should have all the hassle of changing my contact details, just because some moron can't get it through his thick skull that I want nothing more to do with him.
Ah well, time to log of and bog off - I've got stuff to do before I get to bed tonight....
Back when I get chance.
Karen.
Don't let the b'stards get you down.
The problems arose when we got back to our respective homes. I'd left my 'phone turned off over the weekend, as the people I cared about knew that I was going to be away, and was unlikely to even think about turning my 'phone on, let alone check to see if there were any messages.
When I did turn my 'phone on, I discovered that there were about half a dozen messages - all from my ex-fiance. He sounded desperate, irritated and indifferent, depending on the order that I'd listened to the messages. I will admit, all it did was upset me, as all I want is to be left alone.
But, that wasn't the only trick up his sleeve... He called me last night, and said that he needed to see me, as his father had been diagnosed with cancer, and hadn't got long to live. OK - call me a nasty sceptical cow, but after I'd spoken to him, I called his sister to see what the real truth was.
Yep - you guessed it. He was just stringing me along, as he doesn't know that I'm still in contact with the rest of his family, as I always had time for them. I did the decent thing, and told my other half, who went loopy, and was all in favour of going down south, and beating the living crap out of him.
To be honest, I felt like doing that, but if I did go down south and confront him, it would give him the idea that I care about him, when all I want is for him to leave me the hell alone. And to be honest, it's getting to the stage where I'm worried about answering my 'phone.
I know that there will be people reading this, and who will be sitting there, muttering "Silly cow. Why don't you change your mobile number and e-mail address so that he can't contact you?"
If it was that easy, I would do so, but I fail to see the reason why I should have all the hassle of changing my contact details, just because some moron can't get it through his thick skull that I want nothing more to do with him.
Ah well, time to log of and bog off - I've got stuff to do before I get to bed tonight....
Back when I get chance.
Karen.
Don't let the b'stards get you down.
Messing with my head
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Karen
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No, I've not been indulging in illegal substances - it's what my ex-fiance is doing to me. He had a song, Hoobastank: - The Reason, dedicated to me.
Hoobastank The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
So, you can imagine how I felt, when I heard that! Especially as the message said that the song was dedicated to the only girl he ever really loved! ARRGH! *Moment of panic!*
That's the last thing I need at this moment in time - as life seems to be improving, and I'm more than happy on my own for the moment.
If I decide to hook up with someone, I can guarantee that he'll be the last person that I would consider - he made a mess of me the last time, and I'll be damned before I'll let him have another attempt!
I told my best mate what my ex had done, and was told in no uncertain terms that I would be a fool to even consider getting back with him.
I know he's right, and I'm refusing to answer my 'phone when he calls me, and on the odd occasion that he calls me at home, it's amazing how often I'm out!
Still, that's just one advantage of sounding like Mum on the 'phone - I can avoid talking to people that I don't want anything to do with!
Time to call this entry quits - I'm starting to get a bit upset...
Back later.
Possibly.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
Hoobastank The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
So, you can imagine how I felt, when I heard that! Especially as the message said that the song was dedicated to the only girl he ever really loved! ARRGH! *Moment of panic!*
That's the last thing I need at this moment in time - as life seems to be improving, and I'm more than happy on my own for the moment.
If I decide to hook up with someone, I can guarantee that he'll be the last person that I would consider - he made a mess of me the last time, and I'll be damned before I'll let him have another attempt!
I told my best mate what my ex had done, and was told in no uncertain terms that I would be a fool to even consider getting back with him.
I know he's right, and I'm refusing to answer my 'phone when he calls me, and on the odd occasion that he calls me at home, it's amazing how often I'm out!
Still, that's just one advantage of sounding like Mum on the 'phone - I can avoid talking to people that I don't want anything to do with!
Time to call this entry quits - I'm starting to get a bit upset...
Back later.
Possibly.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
Talking about a funeral service (goodbye Daddy)
Posted by
Karen
comments (0)
There's nothing more emotive for me at the moment, than JMJ's Oxygene - part 1. Simply because this was part of the music that I chose for Dad's funeral. As it was a non-religious service (I think the correct term is Humanist), there were no hymns, or sermons. Just tributes from myself, my cousin (who was Dad's Godson) and one of his work colleagues.
I know I keep mentioning Dad, and I guess that now is as good a time as any, to elaborate a bit more about the funeral. It was held at Oakley Wood Crematorium - without a church service first. OK - I know that some people will be horrified at that, but Dad was not a church going person.
So, rather than do was people in the community expected us to do, and hold the funeral at the local church, then go on to the Crem, Mum and I opted for the simple ceremony, where we could remember Dad.
We met the undertakers at the Crem, instead of following the hearse from the family home to the crem, as both Mum and I were of the opinion that Dad would have hated being gawped at by people he had little or no time for.
The music that I chose to enter the chapel to was Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells - Part 1. I was quite aware that it was the theme to the Exorcist movies, but it was a piece of music that both Dad and I liked, even if we did fight over the CD. It was his, but I kept swiping it!
We entered the chapel, and as I was giving a tribute, I had to sit one the end of the bench. That was ok - apart from one thing - I got so close to the end of the bench that I nearly fell off! The only thing that stopped me was Mum grabbing hold of my elbow. Still, Dad would have had a damned good laugh at that!
The minister (for want a better term) did a reading, and then asked me to step up to the lectern. All I could see was the coffin on my right, and I will admit, I was scared witless, until I remembered what a good friend of mine (who was at the funeral with his partner) told me:
"Just look at it like you're telling your Dad what you feel - that will make it easier for you kiddo. People will find the way you react during your tribute to your Dad more telling than anything that you may say."
I will admit, that it made it slightly easier than I'd realised, but it still didn't seem real to me. The other two tributes were lovely - my cousin reminding us all of Dad's sense of humour - one of his comments was "the only time this family seems to get together is for hatch, match and despatch" which unfortunately, turned out to be horribly accurate.
The tribute from Dad’s workmates had us all laughing – especially when it was said that “we practically had to nail Dave’s feet to the floor, to give the rest of us chance to get a look in on the job – he was so eager to get on with it!”
That is, I guess where I get a lot of my characteristics from. People who met me for the first time at the funeral said that I looked like Mum, but my manner was similar to Dad. That made me really proud, and I said to more than one person, that if I was half as successful in my chosen career as Dad, I would be more than happy.
The music for the committal (where the coffin is removed from the chapel – we asked for the curtains to be drawn, as neither Mum nor myself could have coped with seeing that!) was JMJ’s Oxygene - part 1 – which I was told was a warped choice, given that it was a cremation!
I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. All that I care about is the fact that Dad had a good send off, and was surrounded by people who loved and admired him. As we left the chapel, the exit music was Barber’s Adagio for Strings, which was the theme music to Platoon – a film that I knew Dad liked.
It was also on a CD of mine – the very best of Classical Chillout – and I ended up having to burn a copy for Dad, as he kept trying to get his own back, and swipe my CD for once!
Time to call it quits for now – opening up my psyche hasn’t really done me much harm, but it has stirred up feelings that had been quiet for a while…
Back later - possibly. It all depends on how I'm feeling.
Karen
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
I know I keep mentioning Dad, and I guess that now is as good a time as any, to elaborate a bit more about the funeral. It was held at Oakley Wood Crematorium - without a church service first. OK - I know that some people will be horrified at that, but Dad was not a church going person.
So, rather than do was people in the community expected us to do, and hold the funeral at the local church, then go on to the Crem, Mum and I opted for the simple ceremony, where we could remember Dad.
We met the undertakers at the Crem, instead of following the hearse from the family home to the crem, as both Mum and I were of the opinion that Dad would have hated being gawped at by people he had little or no time for.
The music that I chose to enter the chapel to was Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells - Part 1. I was quite aware that it was the theme to the Exorcist movies, but it was a piece of music that both Dad and I liked, even if we did fight over the CD. It was his, but I kept swiping it!
We entered the chapel, and as I was giving a tribute, I had to sit one the end of the bench. That was ok - apart from one thing - I got so close to the end of the bench that I nearly fell off! The only thing that stopped me was Mum grabbing hold of my elbow. Still, Dad would have had a damned good laugh at that!
The minister (for want a better term) did a reading, and then asked me to step up to the lectern. All I could see was the coffin on my right, and I will admit, I was scared witless, until I remembered what a good friend of mine (who was at the funeral with his partner) told me:
"Just look at it like you're telling your Dad what you feel - that will make it easier for you kiddo. People will find the way you react during your tribute to your Dad more telling than anything that you may say."
I will admit, that it made it slightly easier than I'd realised, but it still didn't seem real to me. The other two tributes were lovely - my cousin reminding us all of Dad's sense of humour - one of his comments was "the only time this family seems to get together is for hatch, match and despatch" which unfortunately, turned out to be horribly accurate.
The tribute from Dad’s workmates had us all laughing – especially when it was said that “we practically had to nail Dave’s feet to the floor, to give the rest of us chance to get a look in on the job – he was so eager to get on with it!”
That is, I guess where I get a lot of my characteristics from. People who met me for the first time at the funeral said that I looked like Mum, but my manner was similar to Dad. That made me really proud, and I said to more than one person, that if I was half as successful in my chosen career as Dad, I would be more than happy.
The music for the committal (where the coffin is removed from the chapel – we asked for the curtains to be drawn, as neither Mum nor myself could have coped with seeing that!) was JMJ’s Oxygene - part 1 – which I was told was a warped choice, given that it was a cremation!
I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. All that I care about is the fact that Dad had a good send off, and was surrounded by people who loved and admired him. As we left the chapel, the exit music was Barber’s Adagio for Strings, which was the theme music to Platoon – a film that I knew Dad liked.
It was also on a CD of mine – the very best of Classical Chillout – and I ended up having to burn a copy for Dad, as he kept trying to get his own back, and swipe my CD for once!
Time to call it quits for now – opening up my psyche hasn’t really done me much harm, but it has stirred up feelings that had been quiet for a while…
Back later - possibly. It all depends on how I'm feeling.
Karen
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
This posting stuff's getting scary....
Posted by
Karen
comments (0)
I never realised just how addictive posting could be, until I was browsing through several pages on Ceefax (the BBC's text based TV information service) and thought - I could use that information as a post for my blog.
But, I guess this just gives me somewhere to vent my feelings - and those people who know me, know that I used to do a similar thing when I was at university, with an online diary of sorts, on an external account. It was just something to help me pass the time away, but unfortunately, I kept it updated, instead of updating my notes!
Despite that, I think I got the better end of the deal, as all the people I knew at university, very few have been able to utilise the degree that they got in their job - unless it was computer related!
However, that doesn't stop the regrets, as I left quite a few friends behind when I quit. I also left quite a few a*holes, but that's something I have no regrets about, whatsoever!
Time to call it quits - got stuff to do 'round the house.
Back later.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
But, I guess this just gives me somewhere to vent my feelings - and those people who know me, know that I used to do a similar thing when I was at university, with an online diary of sorts, on an external account. It was just something to help me pass the time away, but unfortunately, I kept it updated, instead of updating my notes!
Despite that, I think I got the better end of the deal, as all the people I knew at university, very few have been able to utilise the degree that they got in their job - unless it was computer related!
However, that doesn't stop the regrets, as I left quite a few friends behind when I quit. I also left quite a few a*holes, but that's something I have no regrets about, whatsoever!
Time to call it quits - got stuff to do 'round the house.
Back later.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
Inside Out..
Posted by
Karen
comments (0)
Listening to a Bryan Adams song - Inside Out, reminds me of the way that my best mate and I are with each other - even though he's very happy with a super lass.
Inside Out
Bryan Adams
The biggest lie you ever told
Your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
The longest night you ever spent
The angriest letter you never sent
The boy you swore you'd never leave
The one you kissed on New Year's Eve
The sweetest dream you had last night
Your darkest hour, your hardest fight
I wanna know you, like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I want to know you, inside out
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
The saddest song you ever heard
The most you said with just one word
The loneliest prayer you ever prayed
The truest vow you ever made
What makes you laugh, what makes you cry
What makes you mad, what gets you by
Your highest high, your lowest low
These are the things I wanna know
I wanna know you like I know myself
I'm waiting for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout,
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
You know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna know your soul, I wanna lose control
C'mon n' let it out
I wanna know you inside out
Ya gotta dig down deep, lose some sleep
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know you're mine
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
For me, this song sums up the meaning of a true friendship. Someone who knows your darkest moments, and your hopes and fears. Ok - I know that some people will find it a weird set up that I am such good mates with an ex, but as I've said in a previous post - we didn't split up because on cheated on the other - we split up because we were too good together as friends to be anything else.
Time to call it quits - I've got to get to my room - there's a program on BBC2 (Horizon) about the new theory on the extinction of the dinosaurs.
Back tomorrow.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
Inside Out
Bryan Adams
The biggest lie you ever told
Your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
The longest night you ever spent
The angriest letter you never sent
The boy you swore you'd never leave
The one you kissed on New Year's Eve
The sweetest dream you had last night
Your darkest hour, your hardest fight
I wanna know you, like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I want to know you, inside out
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
The saddest song you ever heard
The most you said with just one word
The loneliest prayer you ever prayed
The truest vow you ever made
What makes you laugh, what makes you cry
What makes you mad, what gets you by
Your highest high, your lowest low
These are the things I wanna know
I wanna know you like I know myself
I'm waiting for you, there ain't no one else
Talk to me baby, scream and shout
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout,
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know your mind
You know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna know your soul, I wanna lose control
C'mon n' let it out
I wanna know you inside out
Ya gotta dig down deep, lose some sleep
I wanna dig down deep, I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout, I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time, I wanna know you're mine
Ya know there ain't no doubt, I wanna know you inside out
For me, this song sums up the meaning of a true friendship. Someone who knows your darkest moments, and your hopes and fears. Ok - I know that some people will find it a weird set up that I am such good mates with an ex, but as I've said in a previous post - we didn't split up because on cheated on the other - we split up because we were too good together as friends to be anything else.
Time to call it quits - I've got to get to my room - there's a program on BBC2 (Horizon) about the new theory on the extinction of the dinosaurs.
Back tomorrow.
Karen.
Do spiders scream when they see a big fat hairy human in the bath?
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