Complaint

Again, I make no apologies for posting this - it's the sort of thing that just brings a silly grin to my face.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

**********

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

Obituary

I make no apologies for posting this – it made me laugh.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71…

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes

Being reduced to tears… By a book

It’s not often that a book does this to me, but last night, a book managed to reduce me to tears. Not once, but a total of four times.

This is something of a record for me, as I’m not normally the sort that cries at this sort of thing, but this book for some reason just hooked me totally. It’s Succubus Shadows by Richelle Meade (think it’s book number five in the Georgina Kincaid series)

So, as I’m sitting on the sofa last night, I got towards the end of the book, and that was it – I lost it in about four different places, and looked a total wreck by the time that I had finished the book.

It was the ending that totally got me, and I won’t spoil it for people, suffice to say that it was somewhat unexpected, and I now can’t wait for the next instalment – whenever that’s going to be!

Guess I should think about doing some w*rk, but I’m suffering from TNFI – and it’s only Tuesday!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Traffic Camera

Well, the jokes are coming in thick and fast today – people must have realised that I was grumpy cow when I came in this morning, so have decided to try and cheer me up.

This is the latest joke to hit my inbox – enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


**********************************************

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.


You can't fix stupid.

The scent of freshness

Apologies if this has already been posted, but it really made me laugh...

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*********************************

A new supermarket opened in Double Bay, Sydney, Australia

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and bratwurst.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped John Smith's beer.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalising smell of fresh baked bread & cakes.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

What have we learned in 2,065 years?

I make no apologies for this post - I think it sums up the UK's situation perfectly.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*************************************

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."

Cicero - 55 BC


Nothing, apparently.

The weekend, and other rants

I apologise now – this post will be full of ranting, as quite a few things riled me over this weekend (and on the way into work if I’m honest!)

The weekend started ok – Mum and I headed for Milton Keynes (we had been planning to go to the Peak Shopping village, but as the weather was rotten, we decided against that option) we got parked, again, no problems and started shopping.

Mum was looking for a lightweight jacket, something slightly heavier than her rain coat and lighter than her fleece. Now you would have thought that it would have been an easy job. Not a chance. The coats that were available were either revolting colours (bright orange, anyone?) or had a hood on them (I think Mum’s comment was along the lines of “I’m not looking like a bloody pixy!”)

Aside from that, it wasn’t too bad until we got to Waterstones. Now I’m a great bookworm (I read most things within reason – just not Mills & Boon or anything by Barbara Cartland – I draw the line there!) and was starting the hunt for holiday reading. I know I’ve got three months, but the sooner I start, the better.

So, I was able to find the one book I was really interested in – Wolf Hall – on the Waterstones 3 for 2 offer… Could I find any others? Could I hell. So it wasn’t worth me getting the one book (think it’s about £7.99) without getting something else to go with it.

Then it was into Lush. As per normal, the staff in there were superstars, and were only too happy to reassure me about the “disappearance” of one my favourite products – Heavenly Bodies (it’s a divine chocolate smelling soft soap, that works miracles on my skin in the shower).

So, it was then into Debenhams. Which was like a rugby scrum (ok – a scrum without the discipline) and sales people (whom I am guessing are on commission) squirting revolting perfumes into the air. And people wonder why I dislike going in there?

Needless to say, it wasn’t very good, and I wasn’t too impressed with the stock that I saw. It was either very expensive (things that were priced £59 and above, when they looked worth about £9) or it was totally impractical.

So, we headed back to the car, and went food shopping. Not bad, but the Tesco was a bit of a mess layout wise (in my opinion anyway) but the cider was on offer (as the prices have risen 10% above inflation as of midnight last night) it was worth me buying some!

Sunday wasn’t too bad (apart from the fact that we moved onto BST – meaning I lost an hour in bed!) – I watched the Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix, before heading out to Evesham.

As Mum had somehow managed to pull a muscle in her back, I drove. Now normally, this isn’t a problem. The problem arose when I got onto the single carriageway. Simply because there was a cycle race in progress. I mean, what idiot allows a cycle race on a major road? Ok – I admit it was a Sunday, but the A46 is not a pleasant road, simply because of the amount of heavy goods vehicles that use it.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the damned race then went down the duel carriageway (which has a speed limit of 70mph) towards Evesham, and they (the cyclists) were so intent on their damned racing, that they were taking no notice of any other traffic around them – including cars that wanted to turn at an island that they were using as their personal bend, to sling them back up the other side of the carriageway towards Stratford-Upon-Avon.

I muttered several things about the parentage of the idiot that allowed the road to be used for this race, and said that I would be amazed if someone wasn’t seriously hurt. Well, one of these days, I’ll listen to my instincts… Whilst I was in the garden centre, I heard a helicopter, very fast and very low. When I came out of the garden centre, I looked across towards the A46… And saw the Midlands Air Ambulance hovering, looking for a place to land.

So, as I went to exit onto the island that the cyclists had been merrily whizzing around (totally oblivious to the traffic around them) I saw that the police had blocked the northbound (the one heading towards Stratford) and were just moving the cones to allow a fast response paramedic access to the road.

I guess that one (or possibly more) had encountered some traffic, with nasty results. Don’t get me wrong, I know that in a collision, a cyclist will inevitably come off worst, but these cyclists were the type that I call Lycra Louts – the ones that are totally single minded about their race, and be damned to anything (or anyone) that uses the same piece of road.

So that meant that I had to use an alternative route home. Not a problem as I find the A46 boring (not to mention bad for the fuel economy on the car and equally bad for my driving licence!) The road wasn’t too bad, and I guessed that the police were sending people back to the motorway, if they wanted to get to Stratford. However, those of us with local knowledge used to old road and avoided the massive detour the accident had forced onto the traffic.

Now onto today’s rant. As I was heading into work, it started to rain. Ok – this is the UK in spring, and you accept things like this. I was always told that you used dipped headlights, to allow other road users to see you. I ended up losing count of the number of people that had either no light on at all, or pea bulbs that masquerade as sidelights.

Add into that, you had the “I’ve got 5 mins to get to work” brigade, and driving is not fun, especially when you seem to spend more time watching your rear-view mirror, trying to make sure that the prat behind you doesn’t rear-end you because it’s too damned close to stop!

Ah well, enough ranting for now – I guess I should think about doing some w*rk, but I’ve got severe TNFI, and it’s only Monday… But I guess this could be something to do with the fact that I’m only w*rking (or should that be attending) 3 ½ days this week, due to Easter and me having Thursday afternoon off…

Back later, if I get the chance.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

ARRRGH!!!

I think this title sums up my feelings at the moment… I’ve just had a ‘phone call from my bank’s fraud prevention team. Because I’ve not used my bank card for the past couple of weeks (I’ve used cash to make the necessary purchases) they stopped my card because “the usage was out of pattern”.

Thanks, but getting a phone call like this (and a voicemail left as well) really shook me up. OK – I appreciate why they stopped my card (thank god I found out now and not when I was trying to use the card to pay for something) but it does scare you a bit.

Because I was able to identify the various bits and prices (petrol, Amazon book purchase, Kipling (Mum’s birthday present)) they unblocked the card. In a way, it’s good to know they are keeping tabs on things, but a call like that does scare the smeg out of you (especially as I’ve had my card cloned in the past!)

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I need to be seen to be getting on with some work…

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Cider drinking: What's the a-peel?

This comes straight from the BBC website – I’ll put my comments at the end.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

************************
The government has whacked a big increase on cider duty, but what is it about the apple-based beverage that excites such strong passions from drinkers?

Cider is going to cost more. Duty rates will increase by 10% above inflation and it's going to have fans spluttering into their scrumpy.

Recent years have been good to cider drinkers and the industry that goes with it. The marketing drive carried out by Irish brand Magners in the mid-2000s changed everything.

Marketing people called it the "cider-over-ice" effect, and the adverts conjured up images of hazy summer days spent with photogenic friends in Grade I-listed country pubs. Sales rocketed, doubling across the UK between 2004 and 2008, according to the Welsh Perry and Cider Society.

But cider has a dark side, craft producer Roy Bailey of Lambourn Valley notes.  "There are a lot of 'industrial' high strength ciders not greatly connected to apples," he says. "These are the ones people get from supermarkets and get drunk in parks."

Such brews are a fixture on park benches in many areas of the country as well as providing a rite of passage for underage drinkers.

Gateway drink

So it's perhaps not surprising that a disproportionate tax on cider might seem like a good idea to those in power. Indeed cider with a strength over 7.5% will have its duty increased by even more than the 10% above inflation on ordinary strength cider.

CIDER FACTS
Romans said to have brewed alcohol from apples

Came to England after the Norman conquest

Made from apples that are crushed to press out the juice, which ferments spontaneously

Cider that is made by traditional methods - allowed to ferment naturally - is called scrumpy, from a word meaning small and shrivelled

"From 1 September 2010, the technical definition of cider will be changed to ensure products that more closely resemble made-wines [the strongest varieties] are taxed appropriately," the Budget Report says. "The industry has a very clear choice - it can either see this extra duty imposed or it can choose to reduce the alcoholic strength of its ciders," a Treasury Official told Reuters.

As a producer of fewer than 70 hectolitres of cider a year, Roy Bailey is in any case small enough to be exempt from duty under special rules. But he is still worried on the impact on other bigger craft producers.

"Most producers of craft cider are very civilised. People don't drink craft cider to get smashed," says Mr Bailey.  "Cider has greatly improved - it isn't just a rough farm drink. These people make quality products. Cider like this is really as good as wine. It's not a pub drink. More a drink to savour with a meal."

Yet for some cider struggles to shake off its stigma as a gateway drink to the grown-up world of alcohol. Sweet and fizzy, some varieties at least are as close in taste to a can of pop as they are to a delicately-brewed ale.

But that's a generalisation that takes no account of the wide range of ciders on the market, says Jan Gale, of cider pub the Coronation Tap in Bristol.

In-cider dealing

"It's quite sophisticated. It's not all rough, scrumpy cider for country folk," she says, batting away suggestions it's merely a drink for childish palates.

"It's sweet, dry, cloudy, carbonated, all sorts. It's a personal choice."

Fellow enthusiast, Richard Knibbs, rhapsodises about the simple pleasures of a pint.

"A really dry cider sets your tongue on fire. It's a different experience than beer," says Mr Knibbs, owner of Ye Olde Cider Bar in Newton Abbot, Devon, since 1973. "With bottled single-variety apple ciders, you get lovely, lovely flavour. Beers don't have the same lingering taste of a really nice cider".

Despite its explicit dedication to preserving traditional beer, the Campaign for Real Ale (Camra) also has a watching brief over the fortunes of cider.

It is understandably irked by the Treasury's sudden interest in the brew and is demanding government action to support and protect "small real cider producers".

"Hitting small real cider producers with this hike will cause irreparable damage to one of the nation's most historic craft industries," says Camra's chief executive Mike Benner. "The government must introduce a relief package to support the UK's small cider producers."

The British Beer and Pub Association has also indicated its annoyance at all of the rises on duty.

But perhaps the most alarming opposition came in the form of a statement released to news agencies by West Country folk group The Wurzels, known for their hit, I Am A Cider Drinker.

It read: "We are all very upset that scrumpy cider, being one of the few pleasures that we cherish down here on the farm in the West Country, is being hit by such a tax rise."

And while the groups music may struggle for mainstream appeal these days - they haven't troubled the top 40 in more than 30 years - their cider sentiments will doubtless have more popular appeal.

************************************************
Great. Another one of life's pleasures is to be taxed out of existance. I’m not one of these “binge drinkers” – in fact, it can take me about three days to drink a bottle of cider.

So, because the tax is due to hit on Sunday, I’m going to stock up tomorrow and make to most of my cider – regardless of what this “Big Brother” set up thinks.

Back later, if I get the chance.

K.

A non-event budget…

Well, our “beloved” chancellor has given the budget – and given that the election is a matter of weeks away (the date has yet to be confirmed, but most commentators are fairly sure that it will be May 6th) the budget was full of non- surprises – barring one.

I’ve taken the main points (i.e. the bits that affect me and my family) from the BBC website, and put my own comments below.

Fuel, Cigarettes & Alcohol Duties

3p fuel duty rise to be phased in, in three stages between April and January 2011 rather than in one go next month.

This kicks in on April 1st (rather appropriate), with further rises planned for October 1st and January 2011. I get the impression that the government panicked at the thought of 32 million fuming drivers voting in the election…

Cider duty to rise by 10% above inflation from midnight on Sunday.
Wine, beer and spirit duties to rise by 2% from midnight on Sunday and further 2% rise planned for two years from 2013.

Tobacco duty up 1% from midnight on Sunday and by 2% in real terms each year until 2014

As if this government hasn’t done enough to kill the pubs already. This will be almost the final nail in the coffin of the local pub. I guess that they (the government) are trying to hit the drinkers as the smokers are giving up.


Help for Business

£385m to maintain road network

Start repairing some bloody pot-holes! I thought that was what my road theft (sorry – road fund) licence was for!

Other Taxes & Allowances:

Limits on Individual Savings Accounts to rise in line with inflation
No changes to VAT or income tax planned
Inheritance tax threshold frozen for four years

Hmmm – talk about stealing the oppostion’s thunder. The Tories have been talking about inheritance tax for the past three years or so… The VAT has been left alone, because it caused more trouble than it was really worth and didn’t bring in as much money as was anticipated. Individual Savings Accounts (ISAs) at the moment are almost worthless, as the bank rate sucks if you’re a saver (it’s 0.5%) – good if you have a mortgage though…

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be w*rking, not blogging.

Back later, if I get the chance.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Test drive crash results in £300,000 insurance claim

The phrase "Whoops" comes to mind on this one...

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


************************************
Repairs to a supercar damaged when a test drive went wrong near Aberdeen are set to cost an insurance firm £300,000.

The Pagani Zonda S, which would cost more than £500,000 to buy, was involved in a crash last September.

The car has been sent for repair to Modena in Italy, where the vehicles are made.

A spokesperson for insurers Aviva said: "This is the biggest insurance payout we have had for repairs to a private car in the UK."

'Painstakingly constructed'

The spokesperson said: "This is out of the ordinary for an insurer.

"Although the vehicle was badly damaged, Aviva decided that the car may be repairable and set about making arrangements for the car to be shipped across to Modena, Italy, home of Pagani, the vehicle manufacturer.

"There are roughly only 10 Zondas produced per year and they are painstakingly constructed."

The insurance claim was lodged by the test driver, not the owner of the car.

An Irish ghost story

This got sent to me by a good friend, and I will admit that it made me laugh.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***************************

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying… And wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other... 'Look Paddy… There's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'

Now is the spring of our discontent

It seems like there have been nothing but strikes reported in the news this past week, with the BA cabin crew having a three day strike (another four day strike is due to start on Saturday), British Gas voting for a strike (the dates for this are still to be confirmed) the Rail Signalmen voting for a strike over Easter, and now the civil servants are on strike today.

It does make you wonder if people are getting fed up with the “powers that be” – the only people I have no sympathy with are the BA cabin crew, because their colleagues at Gatwick have been operating the reduced crew levels for the past 12 months, and passengers have noticed no difference in levels of service, not to mention the pay is way over the market rate.

But the strikers aren’t the only ones who are unhappy. My beloved is still unhappy with his current employment – even more so since he had to move office. Previously, his workplace was about a 20min drive from home – now it’s more like 1¼ hrs to and from the office, meaning that he has to leave home at some stupid hour in the morning (think it’s about 06:30) to get to his playpen.

So, until things change for the better in the economy, my beloved is stuck in a job that he hates, in an office that he loathes. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars that I’ve got a job that I enjoy, with people (most people I should say) that I like.

Back later if I get the chance…


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Movement orders

Great. I’ve got to move desks. Again. I thought it was too good to be bloody true that I was going to get left where I was.

This was the mail that got sent out with the dratted plan:

In order to integrate more thoroughly the core call takers in our group with those that conduct mainly account administration work, we are having a seating reorganisation.

I have attached a diagram showing the new layout.

We believe we have covered all areas where people need to interact but if we have missed anything, or you have a good business reason why an aspect of this is not appropriate, please let us know.

All being well the move will take place on Good Friday 2nd April.

In preparation for the move would you please take the opportunity to have a good clear up of your work station, we can provide black bin bags if you need.

Now normally, I wouldn’t bitch about the move – my only request on the last move was that I wouldn’t be sitting where my right shoulder would be hit by the downdraft from the air conditioning.

Thankfully, it looks like this has been thought about and I won’t have to worry about the draft.

The only slight grump I have, is that I’ll have to sort my desk out – again. But on the positive side, it will allow me to dispose of a load of junk that I’ve managed to accumulate over the nearly 6 years that I’ve worked here (God, where has that time gone???)

Ah well, I guess that I should get on with some work, but I really am suffering from TNFI, which isn’t good as it’s only Tuesday!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Graze box and other rants

This sounds really tasty, and looking on the website, there are quite a few bits I would be interested in munching on - especially as I got a "get first box free, second box half price code" (1Y4BJ6MN)

Or at least that was the plan until I went to register… There’s a little check box that asks if you’ve got a nut allergy. I do, and so I selected the option…

Only to have the following message displayed:

Sorry, graze is currently not available for people with a nut allergy as our food is packed in an environment where traces of nuts are present.

We will have a nut-free packing environment in the near future, so please check back soon.

Ok – I can accept this, because a nut allergy can be fatal, and the company are just trying to protect themselves against being sued because someone had an allergic reaction. But it does bug the hell out of me when practically ALL packaged foods say “may contain traces of nuts and/or seeds”

Again, I understand the reason why, but it is most frustrating. I mean, you get the “Free From” range – which I think is a good idea, but they only do the easy stuff to avoid – gluten, lactose, sugar and things like that. No-one (as far as I am aware) does a range that is free from nuts. Which is insane, as people like me would quite happily buy it.

Ah well, enough ranting for now – I suppose I’d better think about doing some w*rk, but it’s Friday, and I’ve got TNFI…

Back later (possibly)


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Sussex boy, aged five, crashes parents' car

This comes from the BBC website. I have just one question – why were the parents’ keeping the car keys where the kid could get at them?

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

************************************

A five-year-old Sussex boy took his parents' car for a drive before crashing it into a wall.

Sussex Police said the youngster managed to drive the automatic Mitsubishi Shogun about four miles on roads east of Chichester.

Officers were alerted at 0700 GMT by a man who reported seeing a small boy at the wheel of the vehicle. His father also contacted police minutes later.

The boy was found unharmed in the vehicle in Pook Lane, Lavant.

Other damage

Police subsequently received reports of three other vehicles which were damaged by the Shogun, two of which were parked.

This was a remarkable incident and both the boy and other road-users clearly had a lucky escape


Pc Mark Ryan,
Sussex Police

Witnesses reported seeing the vehicle being driven slowly, but erratically, early on Thursday.

Drivers told police they had seen the car on a short stretch of the A27 between Tangmere and the junction with A285.

Officers believe the car then turned up the A285 to Halnaker before heading to Lavant where it eventually crashed.

A driver who had seen the accident stayed with the boy and waited for the emergency services to arrive.

The youngster was taken to St Richards Hospital for a check-up before being reunited with his family.

Pc Mark Ryan of Sussex Police Road Policing Unit said: "This was a remarkable incident and both the boy and other road-users clearly had a lucky escape, as a serious collision could have happened at any stage".

9 Months Later...

Some times you get a joke that really makes you smile – and this is one of them.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*************************************************

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realise its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said.  "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, err, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes, ' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you...? You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

Bored on switchboard

Because one of our receptionists has called in sick (the poor kid didn’t look well yesterday) I’ve been sent out here. Don’t get me wrong – I thoroughly enjoy the peace and quiet but I do miss having access to my own e-mails. Plus, it means that I get asked to sort out things out whilst I am out here.

Now this is where the problems start. Simply because when I'm at my desk, I’ve got all the information that I need to hand, and can deal with most problems fairly fast, with minimum fuss. When I'm out here, it’s a different matter. Trying to get people to understand that it’s a dratted nuisance to sort things out here seems to be beyond some peoples’ comprehension.

Why? Because if the switchboard goes, then I have to answer that and deal with any query that arises, no matter how involved that may be, which in turn annoys the person that you were originally trying to help. It’s a no win situation for me.

At the moment though, it’s lovely and quiet – I’ve got the BBC new channel on in the background (which allows me to keep up to date with the news – I'm somewhat of a news junkie!)

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’ve got some w*rk to do – worst luck.

Back later…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Petrol prices set for record high, says AA

This comes straight from the BBC website – just what I don’t need – more damned scaremongering about fuel prices…

And it doesn’t help with things like this being promoted on BBC Breakfast this morning. Me being me thought “oh, I’ll go to the fuel station before I head into the playpen. Not a chance. The queues were stupid, and people were getting quite bad tempered.

I wouldn’t object, but most of the price that I pay for my petrol at the moment (£1.13 a litre) is tax of one form or another – the theory being that this would go towards maintenance of the roads – the way my road theft (sorry road fund) licence money is supposed to.

It was revealed last week, that to repair a pot hole properly, it costs £50. Well, in that case, can someone please repair the 4.2 pot holes that are owed to my family because we fork out enough in dratted taxes for this to be done.

Ah well, on to the post….

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

************************************

Petrol prices could hit a record high of £1.20 a litre in the next few weeks, according to the AA.

Increases in the wholesale price of petrol since January are to blame for the rise in forecourt prices, the motoring organisation said.

It urged the Chancellor, Alistair Darling, to postpone the introduction of a planned 3 pence rise in petrol duty due to come in on 1 April.

The AA said families now pay £52 a month more on petrol than a year ago.

The average petrol price is currently just over £1.15 a litre.

"The UK is barely out of recession, yet petrol prices threaten to rise to record prices seen during the boom of 2008 - shortly before the collapse into recession," said AA president Edmund King.

"If families, drivers on fixed incomes and those on low pay were unable to cope with record prices then, they are even less likely now."

'Complete disgrace'

The price of oil is a major determinant of the price of petrol, and yet the current oil price of about $80 a barrel is far below the $147 a barrel-high seen in the summer of 2008, the last time petrol prices neared £1.20 a litre.

This has led many to question why petrol costs so much right now.

Lindsay Hoyle, Labour MP on the Commons business committee, told the Daily Telegraph: "Crude oil has gone up this year, but nothing like the rise in petrol prices.

Motorists are being legally mugged at the forecourt by petrol companies."

He called the current high price of petrol a "complete disgrace".

Analysts said increased refining costs and the weakening of sterling against the dollar - the currency in which oil is priced - helped to explain some of the increase in petrol prices.

Merry Hill? More like Merry HELL.

I think the title sums this up perfectly. Mum and I decided to go to the Merry Hill shopping centre, to see what was there, as we’d not been for about three years. And on reflection, I can see why it was so long since we’d been. Parking there is hell, and to be honest, the place needs another department store (one other than Debenhams)

We got there at 08:30 (it was the only way that we could get a decent parking space!) As most stores didn’t open until 09:00, we opted for a McBreakfast (it was the only place that was open!)

So, once 9am hit, Mum and I started our shopping… And the pair of us were rather disappointed. Maybe it’s because I’m comparing it with Milton Keynes (which is a similar size – just all on one level as opposed to two levels like Merry Hill) but I was left distinctly un-impressed.

All the stores seemed…. I think the term is “pokey” and badly organised, and as for Debenhams... The less said the better. It smacked of desperation across the entire shopping centre, and has done very little to encourage me to venture back there.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working… And the department bitch is back in – worst luck.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most