Revenge

Again, another joke, and this has been doing the rounds for years. It’s the sort of thing that has had me giggling at my desk, when not much else has been able to do so.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

********************************************

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'

Of course the Madam said 'No'.

The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!'

The Burglar

Sometimes, a joke gets sent that really makes me grin – and this was one of them. I make no apologies for posting it either.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

****************************************************
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

"Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep", the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you"

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Fire up the mower – it’s time to annoy the neighbours

Well, it was the first mowing of the season yesterday. And much to my amazement (and Mum’s) the mower started first time. It’s a bit of a beast (it’s got a 21 inch cutting deck) and can almost drag me off my feet.

Mum hates it – she maintains that it always refuses to start for her, whereas I get on with it really well – even if it can be a pain to manoeuvre at times. But, despite that, it does a really good job on the grass – and made cutting the lawn painless - just annoying for the neighbours as I had to restart the mower several times, mainly because I needed to empty the grass box, and I couldn’t keep the mower running whilst I did so.

Aside from that, it was good to be out in the garden, and I didn’t wheeze too badly. But this could have been due to the fact that I was wearing a fume mask to keep out the nasty pollen. I must have looked a right idiot, but as it worked, I really didn’t care.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working.

Back later if I get the chance…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Stud Rooster

This joke came from my beloved, and I make no apologies for posting it, as it made me laugh first thing this morning, when not much else has managed to do so.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

**********************************************************

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young roster says, 'Beat it: you are washed up and I am taking over..'

The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop. But how about giving me a little head start?'

The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. I'll give you 50 feet'

The old rooster takes off running. About 10 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 10 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the porch when he sees the roosters running by. The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.

The farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits...

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit....... Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this story?

Don't mess with the old farts - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE

Something that really wound me up.

It’s not often that I comment on a newspaper article, but this one really got to me in a major way. I’ll post the story, and then put my thoughts at the end of it…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*********************************

In which I discover poverty...in the foyer of a Premier Inn
By Liz Jones

It's not great being poor in Britain.

The rich have their path through life smoothed and buffed. For the less well-off, everything – even the tiniest of things – is difficult.

Take my experience on Thursday. I drove down from the Lake District to London for work, not thinking I would be unable to book a hotel room because of the cancelled flights.

I rang all the usual places I stay in: fully booked, apart from a junior suite at the Haymarket Hotel that was going for £550, plus VAT, plus internet, plus breakfast. Even I baulked at that.

I finally got a room in a Premier Inn in Kensington. I couldn’t find it, never having had the need to notice it before. I called them. It turned out I was about 100ft from the hotel, but not one member of staff could read a map or even make themselves understood.

‘I am outside Earl’s Court Tube!’ I shouted.

‘Earl’s what? What iz that?’

In the end, the manager fetched an English-speaking guest who tried to talk me down. I got there.

No one would park my car, or knew how I could get to a car park. ‘Can you put my bag in my room while I find somewhere to park?’ I asked the manager. ‘No, we don’t put cases in rooms. This is a budget hotel.’

In the end, Kristina from Latvia took pity on me and watched my case until she ended her shift.

‘I have to be in my room in front of the TV by 8.30pm,’ I told the young Indian female member of staff when I finally returned, looking as though I’d been deployed in a war zone, from parking my car. ‘The debate! The Election!’ I yelled, just like Eddy in Absolutely Fabulous.

I was met with an uncomprehending stare. ‘Get me a glass of prosecco!’ I shouted, and people – normal people, the sort who are used to carrying their own cases and parking their own cars – began to point and stare.

‘Still or sparkling?’ the Indian woman said to me.

‘Sparkling!’ I snapped. ‘It only comes in sparkling!’

My room was hideous, with a sign over the taps saying, ‘Beware, hot water.’ Maybe the people who stay here need these sorts of instructions.

I’d missed the first half hour of the Prime Ministerial debate. All three were white, middle-aged, middle-class.

David Cameron made sure he remembered the names of the questioners and the name of a man in his constituency who came to him with cancer, just to prove he is in touch with the ‘little people’.

I also found it grating he kept mentioning his son, repeating how indebted he was to the nurses who looked after him. All three wanted to make sure they called members of our armed forces ‘heroes’ and ‘heroines’. I mean, come on, let’s just take it as read that polite policemen, good teachers, safe soldiers and lots of kind nurses are a good idea.

Gordon Brown couldn’t remember the names of people, but he sure as hell remembered the names of helicopters. He kept muttering how important it is for old people to be cared for in their own homes. Really? Is it? How revolutionary of him to come up with that.

Only Nick Clegg seemed genuine.

I’m one of the great undecided (I was nearly one of the great unwashed when I discovered my Premier Inn bathroom only had soap that came from a dispenser). I want my life to be easier (tax breaks for married couples!) but I have glimpsed what it’s like to be poor and it’s hideous and tiring and boring.

I’ve been driving a Ka because it’s cheaper than my BMW and I can’t tell you how motorists in London beep me and push me out the way. It’s as though suddenly I’ve become invisible.

My column the other week wondering why on earth people who earn more than £100,000 are always the ones being punished, tutted over by badly dressed BBC news reporters standing outside Westminster, was based on the assumption that only high earners work hard and have stress.

The next morning, after my cold night on a hard purple bed, I rushed through reception, trailing my own suitcase, at 7.30am. There at the purple console was the Indian woman from the night before. ‘Ye Gods,’ I said to her. ‘Don’t you ever go to bed?’

She laughed. She told me what she earns, ‘I am thinking just above the minimum’, and the hours she works; everything’s Premier, it seems, but the wages.

‘Are lots of people rude to you?’ I asked her. ‘Oh yes, it’s quite stressful.’

I asked if she knew who she was going to vote for. ‘When you went to park last night, we put the TV on in reception so you could watch it here. And so I saw some of it, and I thought Nick Clegg was a very nice man.’

Although it pains me to say this, I’m beginning to think so, too.

***********************************************

Now I read Liz Jones’ thoughts on life on Exmoor every week (she publishes her version of a blog in the YOU magazine), and the more I read of her columns, the more I begin to think that this woman doesn’t live in the real world. Don’t get me wrong – moving to the countryside from the town can be a big move – you get so used to the facilities in the town that you expect the countryside to be the same.

Yes, I know that it can be difficult as a single person, but she doesn’t really help herself by insulting people in the local area in a national newspaper. Ok – she employs local people, but the comments are far more hurtful than the employment that she says that she brings to the area.

Then reading this entry this morning was the final straw, and I just saw red. She seems to be of the opinion that because there was no-one to park her car (I would rather park my own car than let someone else drive it thank you very much), and no-one to ferry her case to her room, that the accomodation offered (as well as the staff) were not worthy of being treated with respect. The comments about the other guests was unnecessary (and I am sorry to say becoming rather typical of someone who has lived her life in a sort of isolated vacuum of high fashion and stupid prices.)

If she was that bothered about the room, then why didn’t she ask for the Good Night Guarantee to be used? And as for the comment about the bathroom – I'm sorry, but I much prefer to take my own toiletries with me – even when I stay at a 4* hotel. That way, I know that the stuff that I am using is my choice.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I am not averse to staying at Premier Inn, and am more than happy to stay at one, because all I ask for when I am travelling in the UK is a decent bed, a good shower and somewhere safe for my car.

Needless to say, any sympathy that I had for Ms Jones has evaporated. Yes, I’ll continue to read her thoughts (and complaints) on life, but I am sorry to say that I’ll be taking her woes with a pinch of salt, as I consider them to be minor troubles that she has managed to bring on her own head.

Time to call this quits – I want to watch the re-run of the Chinese Grand Prix (I fell asleep trying to watch it live!)

Back tomorrow.

K.

Ash Chaos

This has been quite an interesting story for me – mainly because it keeps the blasted election off the news! But in truth, it’s mainly because a closure like this is almost unprecedented – even 9/11 didn’t cause this much chaos.

People keep wondering why NATS (the air traffic control people here in the UK) have taken such dramatic action. Simple. It’s for safety reasons, as aircraft cannot detect ash in the flight path. A good example is the BA flight that was caught in such an event back in 1982.

I do recall this incident, but I feel that the BBC has done a much better job of explaining what happened than I could ever do…

*********************************

When volcanic ash stopped a Jumbo at 37,000ft

A plume of volcanic ash from Iceland has led to flights across the UK being grounded. The events around one British Airways flight in 1982 reveal the potential dangers of this sort of dust.

When all four engines on the Boeing 747 being flown by Captain Eric Moody shut down at 37,000ft, he hadn't a clue why.

It wasn't until later, when Capt Moody, his crew and the 247 passengers on board the flight, were safely back on the ground, that he discovered the cause of the narrowly averted catastrophe - volcanic ash.

Airports are being closed across the UK after dust which spewed from a volcano in Iceland, began drifting southwards. The experience of Capt Moody, almost 30 years ago, shows the potential danger clouds of volcanic ash present to modern jet aircraft.

There had been no hint of trouble when flight BA 009 took off from Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia on the evening of 24 June, 1982.

Heading for Perth, Australia, the weather forecast for the five-hour journey was good and the crew were anticipating an uneventful flight.

The first sign of trouble came as the plane, which had hit cruising height, headed past Java over the south-eastern Indian Ocean.

Capt Moody, who had left the cockpit for a stroll, was summoned back to the flight deck. As he climbed the stairs of the Jumbo he noticed puffs of "smoke" billowing from the vents in the floor and detected an acrid smell.

When he opened the door to the cockpit he saw the windscreen ablaze with a St Elmo's fire - a discharge of static electricity.

But that alone wasn't enough to cause alarm, Capt Moody says, recalling the events when he spoke to BBC's Good Morning Scotland on Thursday.

That's not unusual in high whispy cloud. But it developed into something more than we'd ever seen before."

Looking out the side windows of the cockpit, the crew noticed the front of the engines were glowing as if lit inside.

Then Capt Moody's flight engineer detailed the impact the dust was having on the aircraft itself.

"Engine failure number four... engine failure number two," he said.

"Three's gone… They've all gone."

Within a few moments, a passenger jet powered by four Rolls Royce engines had become a glider.

Needing time to calmly consider his options, Capt Moody used autopilot to put the plane into a gentle descent, and instructed his first officer to issue a mayday call.

While the crew on the flight deck were frantically trying to figure out the cause of this freak failure, many passengers were largely unaware that anything was wrong.

But eventually, when the passenger oxygen masks dropped as the plane steepened its descent, the news had to be announced.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are all doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."

Eventually, after quarter of an hour without any power, the engines were brought back to life. Ash had clogged the engines, which only restarted when enough of the molten ash solidified and broke off.

"We glided from 37,000ft to 12,000ft before we got [the engines] going again," recalls Cpt Moody.

The plane headed back to Jakarta where it landed safely, though even then one of the engines had failed again.

It was two days before investigators confirmed that volcanic ash had been responsible for the near disaster. The plane had flown into a cloud of dust spewed out by an eruption of Mount Galunggung, 110 miles south east of Jakarta.

A close examination of the plane revealed the damage a plume of these tiny particles can do to an engine - the tips of the turbine blades had been ground away. The findings were eventually incorporated into a report on the dangers of volcanic ash to aircraft.

Reflecting on the chilling events of that flight 28 years later, Capt Moody, who lives in Camberley in Surrey, shows the sort of understatement characteristic of those in his profession.

"It was, yeah, a little bit frightening."

********************

So, this is the reason why the aircraft have been prevented from flying. Yes, it’s very inconvenient, but I personally would prefer to put up with the inconvenience rather than risking having one or more engines fail whilst I am 37,000 feet thank you very much.

(You can read more about the Jakarta incident on Cpt Moody’s own website -Eric Moody - but please note that the document is in .PDF file format)

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I'm supposed to be working, not blogging…

Back later (or when I get fed up with work again!)


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Vatican reacts to cardinal's gay-link paedophile claim

This is the follow up to the previous story, again from the BBC website. I’ll put my thoughts at the end, as per normal.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

****************************************************

The Vatican has distanced itself from remarks made by a senior cardinal, who linked homosexuality with paedophilia in the abuse scandal facing the Church.

It was not the responsibility of the Church authorities to make "assertions of a specifically psychological or medical nature", a statement said.

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone said it was homosexuality - not clerical celibacy - which lay behind the abuse of children.

Earlier, France condemned the cardinal for making "an unacceptable linkage".

Earlier this month, Pope Benedict's personal preacher apologised for having compared criticism of the Roman Catholic Church over abuse allegations to "the collective violence suffered by the Jews".

In a sermon, Father Raniero Cantalamessa likened allegations that the Vatican had systematically hushed up cases of sexual abuse of children by priests to the "most shameful aspects of anti-Semitism", with the use of stereotypes and the spreading of collective guilt.

The Vatican said his remarks did not represent its official view.

'Confession of weakness'

Cardinal Bertone, the Vatican's secretary of state, was attempting to defuse the scandals currently afflicting the Church during a visit to Chile on Monday, when he denied that celibacy was to blame.

"Many psychologists, many psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relationship between celibacy and paedophilia but many others have demonstrated, I was told recently, that there is a relationship between homosexuality and paedophilia," he said.

“That is true. I have the documents of the psychologists. That is the problem."

On Tuesday, the Vatican issued a statement questioning the cardinal's decision to discuss the matter, but also detailing its "statistical data" on the abuse of minors by priests.

The truth is that Bertone is clumsily trying to shift attention to homosexuality and away from the focus on new crimes against children that emerge every day

Aurelio Mancuso, former head of Italian gay rights association Arcigay

Ten percent of the cases referred to Church authorities concerned paedophilia in the "strict sense" and the other 90% concerned sex between priests and adolescents, it said.

Of those, 60% had to do with homosexual acts and 30% with heterosexual acts, it added.

Earlier, France - where an estimated 60% of the population are Catholic - criticised Cardinal Bertone's remarks.

"This is an unacceptable linkage and we condemn this," foreign ministry spokesman Bernard Valero told reporters in Paris.

"France is firmly engaged in the struggle against discrimination and prejudice linked to sexual orientation and gender identity."

In Italy, gay rights activist Aurelio Mancuso accused the cardinal of "clumsily trying to shift attention to homosexuality and away from the focus on new crimes against children that emerge every day".

Commentators in the Italian press also criticised the remarks.

In Corriere della Sera, Piero Ostellino said the Pope should be "protected" from the "imprudent remarks of some high prelates", while La Repubblica's Francesco Merlo said the "Church is hurting itself, not homosexuals".

The attempt to link homosexuality with paedophilia was a "dramatic confession of weakness [betraying] the confused state in which the Catholic Church now finds itself," Mr Merlo added.

****************************************************

For once, the Catholic Church has spoken out to distance itself from comments made by a senior church member. But this doesn’t help the fact that this seems to be coming from the very heart of the Church, and all it does is alienate people from the Church, and give more ammunition to the critics.


K.

Vatican comment on paedophiles draws gay groups' anger

Again, another story from the BBC website, and as per normal, I’ll put my thoughts and comments at the end of the post.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

********************************************************

Gay rights activists have criticised a Vatican official who sought to link homosexuality to paedophilia when commenting on child sex abuse scandals.  

The UK's Stonewall group said it was astonishing gay people should still be dealing with "such an offensive myth".

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone had said homosexuality, not celibacy, lay behind the child sex abuse scandals.

The cardinal, the Vatican's foreign minister, was speaking in Chile, where his comments were also condemned.

Cardinal Bertone was attempting to defuse the scandals currently afflicting the Catholic Church, which are largely cases of priests molesting children, mainly boys, the BBC's David Willey reports from Rome.

He added that some "surprising" initiatives regarding the sex abuse scandal would soon be revealed but did not elaborate.

'I have the documents'

Visiting the Chilean capital Santiago on Monday, Cardinal Bertone told a news conference: "Many psychologists, many psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relationship between celibacy and paedophilia but many others have demonstrated, I was told recently, that there is a relationship between homosexuality and paedophilia.

"That is true. I have the documents of the psychologists. That is the problem."

Patricio Walker, a Chilean senator who helped draft anti-paedophile laws, said he would like to see what scientific studies the cardinal was referring to because he thought he was wrong.

A Chilean communist MP, Hugo Gutierrez, told AFP news agency: "Celibacy does more damage to a human being than homosexuality, which is a freely made choice.

"I'm shocked by these words from a senior dignitary of the Church."

In Rome, the head of Italian gay rights group Gaylib, Enrico Oliari, said it was "worrying that the foreign minister of a state that occupies the heart of the Italian capital would use arguments that are considered passé even in the Third World".

Aurelio Mancuso, former president of a Italian gay rights association Arcigay, said: "The truth is that Bertone is clumsily trying to shift attention to homosexuality and away from the focus on new crimes against children that emerge every day."

The Pope's spokesman has indicated that Benedict may have a discreet private meeting with victims of clerical sexual abuse in Malta during his visit there this coming weekend.

The Pope should not feel he is under the pressure of the glare of the media if such a meeting takes place, Fr Federico Lombardi said, so that he can listen and communicate with them.

In Malta, 10 men have taken three Catholic priests to court for alleged child abuse in their youth and have asked to meet the Pope. There has been a high incidence of reported cases on the small Mediterranean island, whose inhabitants are mainly Catholic, our Rome correspondent notes.

********************************************************

What planet is this guy on? I thought that thoughts (and comments) like this belonged back in the dark ages. Ok, I know that the Catholic Church doesn’t approve of homosexuality, but this guy is seen as second only to the Pope in importance.

It’s comments like this that really damage the image of the Church, and give more ammunition to people like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens.

Time to call this quits – I’ve been given some work to do, much to my disgust.

Back later.

K.

Bored with the election

According to the BBC Election website, there are 22 days to go before the election. I'm getting fed up already, but I am going to vote – that way, I have the right to complain later this year if things aren’t going as I’d hoped for.

And it’s not just me getting fed up with this damned election coverage. Practically everyone that you speak to is fed up with the election at the moment. I appreciate that it is important to understand what the various parties are promising, and how they are going to deal with the issues that are important to people. However, there is such a thing as saturation point.

You turn on the news, and the first ten or more minutes are taken up with the squabbles that the manifesto launches have spawned, followed by the “talking heads” trying to make it sound interesting (and justify the fact that they have a job with the various news organisations!)

Needless to say, it’s getting to the point where I won’t watch the news on the TV, as I am getting really fed up. It boils down to a choice (as far as I can see) of Tory, Tory Lite and Others. The only difference that I can see between Labour & Conservative on some points, is the colour of the rosette that the slimy creature (sorry prospective MP) wears when they come sliming around, asking for you to vote for them.

Again, that’s another sore point for me. You only get to see your MP when there is an election in the offing, and they need to get you to vote for them, so that they can get back on the gravy train.

Now I'm not saying that all politicians are like that – just the majority of them. I know that they hold “surgeries” where they appear to take your concerns seriously (at least while you’re in their office) but how much do they actually do when they get back to Westminster from the rest of the county?

Someone needs to remind these people that there is more to life than the playpen that is Westminster, and that the rest of the UK wants this election over and done with, so that we can get back on with our lives!

Ah well, guess I should get on with some w*rk, instead of blogging…

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Atheist Richard Dawkins backs campaign to arrest Pope

As per normal, I’ll post this story (it comes straight from the BBC website) and then put my comments / thoughts at the end.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*************************************************************************

Leading atheist Richard Dawkins has backed a campaign to have the Pope arrested for "crimes against humanity" when he visits the UK later this year.

Professor Dawkins said he "whole-heartedly" backed the initiative led by atheist Christopher Hitchens.

UK human rights lawyers are preparing a case to charge Pope Benedict XVI over his alleged cover-up of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church.

Dr William Oddie, former editor of The Catholic Herald, labelled it "lunatic".

Campaigners hope to cast a shadow over the Pope's planned visit to the UK in September - the first visit by a Pope since 1982.

Prof Dawkins wrote on his blog: "I am optimistic that we shall raise public consciousness to the point where the British government will find it very awkward indeed to go ahead with the Pope's visit."

And writing in the Guardian on Tuesday, columnist George Monbiot wrote: "Picture the pope awaiting trial in British prison, and you begin to grasp the implications of the radical idea that has never been applied: equality before the law."

The BBC's religious affairs correspondent Robert Pigott said the anti-Pope campaign could be seen as a mischievous attempt to create an "air of criminality" around the Pope.

"The controversy over alleged Papal involvement in the cover-up of child sex abuse is providing atheists with a stick with which to beat religion," he said.

The Pope's visit was announced shortly before allegations surfaced that he had signed a letter which delayed the punishment of a paedophile priest in the US.

Legal state?

This followed a series of child abuse scandals involving the Catholic Church in the US, the Irish Republic, Germany and Norway.

The Vatican has defended the Pope, saying the Pope is willing to meet more victims of clerical abuse, while the Church has published an internet guide as to how bishops deal with accusations of sexual abuse.

Barrister Geoffrey Robertson and solicitor Mark Stephens are considering whether they could either ask the Crown Prosecution Service to initiate criminal proceedings against the Pope; launch their own civil action or refer his case to the International Criminal Court.

Author Christopher Hitchens said he does not believe the Vatican to be a legal state which raises questions as to whether the Pope, as head of state, could claim diplomatic immunity.

He said: "The UN at its inception refused membership to the Vatican but has allowed it a unique "observer status", permitting it to become signatory to treaties such as the Law of the Sea and (ironically) the Convention on the Rights of the Child, and to speak and vote at UN conferences where it promotes its controversial dogmas on abortion, contraception and homosexuality."

The group have cited as precedent the recent case of Israel's former foreign minister Tzipi Livni, who cancelled a visit to London after a British judge issued an arrest warrant over her alleged involvement with the conflict in Gaza.

But Dr Oddie, former editor of The Catholic Herald, said the campaign demonstrated how "wonderfully lunatic" both Christopher Hitchens and Professor Dawkins were.

"What's lawful is what is lawfully agreed by lawful authorities, in this case Italian law - the government of Italy - and secondly, international law, determined by the United Nations. Both legal authorities accept the Vatican is a legal state.

"Christopher Hitchens is entitled to say it shouldn't be one, but he can't say it isn't one - it's like people in a lunatic society saying they are Napoleon," he said.

The Vatican has ruled out any possibility of a papal resignation over the scandal.


*************************************************************************

Now I’ve read most of Richard Dawkins’ books, and I admire the man as a scientist, and the fact that he is not afraid to court controversy like this. However, I personally don’t think that this is the right way to deal with the issues that are being raised.

I don’t agree with the Church’s stance on issues like homosexuality (two of my best friends are gay) and I don’t feel that women should be forced into bearing children when they cannot feed them, or there is a medical reason for not bearing more children and the issues of health that contraception can assist with are well known. And I’m not just talking about HIV prevention, but the prevention of diseases such as Hepatitis B & C.

The best way to deal with this (in my option) is to push to one side all the dogma that comes from both sides, and allows for a rational debate of the pros and cons of the stances that both sides have adopted. But somehow, I doubt such an event will ever occur.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working, not blogging…

Back when I get the chance.


K.

Trying to get back in the saddle, and other issues...

Well this weekend has been somewhat of a surprise. I went down to Milton Keynes with Mum on Saturday, and as per normal, started the trip in Marks & Spencer. Mum had seen a pair of trousers that she was quite taken with, and was looking for them. Now normally, this is a recipe for disaster, as very often the store hasn’t got the size that she is looking for, or if the size is available, it’s a revolting colour that Mum won’t wear.

But the shopping gods must have been smiling on us, as Mum not only got the trousers that she’d been looking at, but a pair of jeans as well. This is almost unheard of for Mum – it’s normally me that manages things like that.

So, it was then on to another store, and another success for Mum – she manage to get a really pretty t-shirt, and it didn’t cost a fortune! After that, it was just a case of wandering around, as there were only a couple of places that I wanted to go to – one was John Lewis (I’m still trying to find the perfume by Balmain – Ambergris).

Now I would have thought that John Lewis would have been the sort of store to stock the more “unusual” fragrances, as it prides itself on being slightly more above the herd that places like Debenhams.

I was less than impressed when I got a glazed look in response to my enquiry about Ambergris (the one guy didn’t even know who Balmain was), and was told that “we have lots of other nice perfumes available.” That’s fine if you don’t know what you’re looking for, but if you’re looking for a specific perfume, don’t tell someone about something totally different!

So, muttering darkly about the lack of common sense that was displayed, it was then off to our usual coffee stop – Costa Coffee in Waterstones. Again, Waterstones was something of a let down for Mum – she was looking for the Nick Ferrari book - The World and London According to Nick Ferrari. Me? I was looking for holiday reading (Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel being one of the titles I was looking for.)

Unfortunately, Waterstones let the pair of down, simply because Wolf Hall was on three for two (not a problem there), but there were no other books that I wanted to get as well as Wolf Hall.

Then, we decided to call it quits, as Mum was starting to get tired (and her back was pulling) and headed to the supermarket. Now this was more successful than Waterstones, as I managed to get Wolf Hall and a two in one by Kathy Reichs – both of which will be going on holiday with me.

Now onto today. Since I lost my beloved horse, Heart of Flame, my friends have been doing their bit to make me smile, and more to the point, encourage me to go and look for another horse. This has been something I have been reluctant to do, as I am still tying to come to terms with Flame’s untimely death. However, this was a deal that was done between Rachel and Mum, the idea being that if they sprung it on me, I couldn’t wriggle out.

Needless to say, the first I knew of this was when Rachel called me on Friday night, asking me if I’d still got my body armour and hat. I said that I had, and she left it at that, sot saying anymore until the end of the call when she dropped her little bomb on me. She’d arranged for me to go and see a two year-old thoroughbred, who was the sister of her horse, Tequila Sunrise.

I will admit to being speechless (and missed the chance to try and escape from this commitment).

So, this morning, I found myself in the back of Rachel’s car, heading to the wilds of Worcestershire, with my riding hat, body armour & riding boots in the boot of the car, as I didn’t know what to expect.

We arrived at this ordinary looking house (I honestly don’t know what I was expecting – a mansion I think!) and were greeted warmly by the breeder. He was a typical country gent, complete with the battered green Barbour coat, corduroy trousers, green wellington boots and this was capped off by a battered flat cap of indeterminate colour.

I looked over the paddocks, and there were quite a few young horses grazing, but one that really caught my eye. She was a black filly, and just seemed to have something about her that just seemed to speak to me...

She came bounding over (a bit like an over enthusiastic kid) and stood patiently whilst I made a fuss of her. I turned my back, and she wandered off to graze. Whilst we were talking, I felt this warm breath on my neck, and the little filly had come over to see me, and was resting her head on my shoulder!

I gave her a gentle (if absent minded) scratch, and was rewarded with horse dribble on my shoulder. I haven’t bought her (yet) because I am waiting for my vet to go and check her over – he may well pick up on something that I miss, meaning that I will have needless vets’ bills and heartache in the future.

Ah well, I guess I should call this quits – I need to get some bits and pieces sorted out before I return to the playpen.

Back tomorrow if I get the chance…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Questions you just can't answer

Sometimes, something really good hits my inbox – and this is one of them. I make no apology for posting this – it made me giggle.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


************************************************************

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Did you ever stop and wonder.....


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 Stop singing and read on........

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Something that made me grin

It’s not often that a party election poster makes me smile (or even laugh out loud) – most of them cause me to grit my teeth, and wish the damned election was over and done with. But these two posters did make me smile – the second one more than the first:

This struck a chord with me - not because I support the Labour party (I'm not even sure that I support the Conservative party if I'm honest) - it's just because in the early part of the 1980s, the Audi Quattro was the car to have. Every petrol head wanted one – I had a poster of the Quattro in full “flight” when it was rallying:

So, seeing these two posters did bring a smile to my face, if only for the memories that the car itself brought back to me.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits - I've got to start thinking about getting dinner sorted.

Back later (if I get the chance)

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Back from Chester

Well, I’m back home, and as I type this, I am struggling to keep my eyes open. Why? Because I drove back from Chester this afternoon, (ok, it’s only 105 miles, but it seems a heck of a lot further!) and I didn’t sleep very well last night. Ok – Friday night I crashed out – but that was because I’d been on the go since 06:00 Friday morning, and I’d spent about four hours walking around Cheshire Oaks Shopping Outlet.

Friday wasn’t too bad – I expected to get drenched (at least that was the weather forecast) and so Mum and I spent the time dodging into various stores. Our first proper stop was the Marks &Spencer outlet where I managed to get some bits and pieces, and discovered the reason why I’d not seen the stock in the “regular” M&S stores. It turns out that they (M&S) have some stock specially made for the outlet stores, meaning that if you want a particular item in a certain pattern / colour, then you have to travel to one of these dratted outlet stores, which is a bit of a pain, as the nearest shop that I know of is in Mansfield.

Aside from that, Cheshire Oaks was quite good for me (yes – I visited the Cadbury’s Shop again) and also managed to get a couple of bits from La Senza, for less than the price of one item. But the real achievement for me was being able to get some Revlon eye shadow for £3.00. Now I know people will be thinking that this must have been an old colour, hence the reason for it being so cheap. Well, as this shop was a Revlon group outlet, it meant that it was current stock. So I was more than happy to get that, especially as it is £7.99 on the high street.

Then it was to our overnight stopping point – the Premier Inn attached to the Twirl of Hay (think it’s listed as Chester south-east). I know I was not impressed with this restaurant/ bar the last time I visited Chester, but this time, things seemed to be a lot better. The menu seemed slightly better and I don’t know if it was my imagination, but the seating seemed more spacious. But this could have been due to the change of table shape – round instead of square, meaning that there was more space for diners.

After dinner, it was a case of heading back to the room (which was comfortable and clean – what I’ve come to expect from the Premier Inns whenever I’ve stayed at them) and sorting out the plans for the following day.

As per normal, Mum and I went to breakfast at 08:00, with the idea being that we would get the bits from the room that we wanted (things like my camera and my car keys) after breakfast. Breakfast itself was good – the staff couldn’t do enough to help Mum and myself. However, the family from Hell shattered our peace. Ok – let me be more specific. The mother from Hell.

They weren’t sitting on the table next to us originally, but the selfish cow decided to move them to the table next to us, and then proceeded to spend the next 30 + minutes berating her youngest child. I felt sorry for the poor little mite – she (the mother) was nagging her to eat the apple from the fruit salad. I could fully sympathise with the child – the apple was tasteless, and sour – and if I thought that, then God alone knows what that poor kid thought. Then she started berating the child for not drinking her milk – the child wanted to drink water. Ok – I can understand if the kid had been demanding Coca-Cola, but I couldn’t see what the problem was, as the kid had a bowl of cereal with milk already.

Needless to say, Mum and I didn’t linger over breakfast – more because we had plans to get into Chester than the family on the table next to us (but they didn’t really help). Once we’d got the bits from our room (ok – make that once I’d got the bits from our room – I wanted my camera and other bits that went with it) we then headed for the Park & Ride (think it’s the Broughton one).

We got into Chester, and I started taking photographs. The first one was the clock on the city wall (think it’s East gate) as I’ve always been fascinated by this imposing clock (and it’s one of the things that really sticks in my mind about Chester)

It was just a case of wandering around, and seeing what was what. I will say one thing about Chester – it’s not somewhere that I would make a specific shopping trip, as there are very few chain stores – but that’s not something that I am too unhappy about, as it makes for a more interesting trip. Again, I went to the Royal Perfumery, and admittedly I didn’t find the perfume that I was looking for this time (it’s the “new” Balmain perfume – Ambergris (according to the very helpful young lady in the store, it was launched in 2008.)

We then had a walk around and as it was getting towards lunch time, we decided to find somewhere for lunch. Again, we found a really good pub – the Victoria, which is located on Watergate Row North.

Apparently, this is the oldest pub in Chester (I only know this because I bought a postcard showing the historic pubs in Chester – it’s listed as the Chester heritage pub crawl – but apparently most of the pubs on this postcard are now closed). Despite this, the food was really good, as was the service and Mum and I really enjoyed the peace and quiet – not to mention the sit down.

After lunch, we started exploring again, and we came across a fascinating shop – the Cartoon Gallery, which is located on Watergate Row South (see The Cartoon Gallery Ltd) There were several prints that had me giggling, and both Mum and I agreed that we wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face if we worked there.

After that, we headed towards the Cathedral (I’d been promising myself that I would go this time, hence the reason for the camera being with me). Mum didn’t fancy walking around with me, and we agreed that I would meet her at a coffee shop nearby, and off I went.

The Cathedral charges an admission of £5.00, this is to help maintain the building, as well as provide funds for the heating and lighting of the building. As I walked in, I heard people complaining about this charge, and to be honest, I couldn’t see the issue with it, as Coventry Cathedral does the same thing.

The first thing that I noticed as I entered the Cathedral, was the stained glass panels on the left hand side.

Then, going through the doors into the main body of the Cathedral, there were the most amazing mosaic panels, depicting figures from the Old Testament.

The rest of the Cathederal was something special, and I think that the best thing I can do is let the photographs do the talking (I’ll try to put some details where I can)

This picture was painted on caterpiller silk!

After I’d been around the Cathederal, I went to join Mum, and head back to the park and ride bus stop. Or at least that was the plan… I’d been after a couple of bits in my favourite store (Lush) and as it was en-route, I said that I would stop in there to get the bits that I wanted.

The staff were real stars, and I managed to get everything that I’d wanted, (including the new serum bar, Saving Face) and met several people that I’d been chatting to on the Lush Forum, and even found out some information on why one of my favourite products was being discontinued.

It was then time to get the park and ride bus back. This was like a rugby scrum (without the discipline) but me being a very cheeky brat managed to get a seat for Mum, as she was really suffering with her back (think she managed to sleep awkwardly on Friday night), so that meant that she was able to sit down for the short trip back to the park and ride.

We got back to the car, and as today is Easter Sunday, I thought it was advisable to refuel the car, as I wasn’t sure if the petrol station at Sainsbury’s was going to be open today (as it turned out, it was, but it would have been just my luck for it to have been closed).

I have to admit, I was really pleased, as the car took just under 15 litres of petrol, meaning that I’d got a range on the fuel tank of over 440miles! Not bad for a 1.6 120bph automatic…

Saturday night wasn’t too bad, apart from the inconsiderate idiots in the Premier Inn (but that was nothing that the staff could assist with – short of banging on doors at 08:00 this morning.)

There was one plus side though this morning – the family from hell were no-where near us, and the lad who served us was horrified as apparently, kids are not allowed in the area where Mum and I had chosen to sit.

After breakfast, we headed back to the room, and as the Malaysian Grand Prix started at 09:00, I was able to watch the race from start to finish, and then get the little bit of packing done and we were able to get on the road back home.

As it is Easter Sunday, we weren’t sure if there would be anything open en-route, due to the Sunday trading laws. However, we were lucky as the antiques centre near Bridgemere Garden World was open (we think that they got around the rules because it was individuals trading under one roof, so it wasn’t one large shop (or barn) that was being used).

It was really busy, and both Mum and I were of the opinion that people were so used to being able to go shopping on a Sunday, that they were desperate for something to do, hence the reason why there were so many people there.

Ah well, I guess I should call this quits – I’ve got stuff to do, including sorting the car out (I’m out of screen wash!)

Back when I get the chance…


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Complaint

Again, I make no apologies for posting this - it's the sort of thing that just brings a silly grin to my face.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

**********

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

Obituary

I make no apologies for posting this – it made me laugh.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71…

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes

Being reduced to tears… By a book

It’s not often that a book does this to me, but last night, a book managed to reduce me to tears. Not once, but a total of four times.

This is something of a record for me, as I’m not normally the sort that cries at this sort of thing, but this book for some reason just hooked me totally. It’s Succubus Shadows by Richelle Meade (think it’s book number five in the Georgina Kincaid series)

So, as I’m sitting on the sofa last night, I got towards the end of the book, and that was it – I lost it in about four different places, and looked a total wreck by the time that I had finished the book.

It was the ending that totally got me, and I won’t spoil it for people, suffice to say that it was somewhat unexpected, and I now can’t wait for the next instalment – whenever that’s going to be!

Guess I should think about doing some w*rk, but I’m suffering from TNFI – and it’s only Tuesday!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Traffic Camera

Well, the jokes are coming in thick and fast today – people must have realised that I was grumpy cow when I came in this morning, so have decided to try and cheer me up.

This is the latest joke to hit my inbox – enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


**********************************************

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.


You can't fix stupid.

The scent of freshness

Apologies if this has already been posted, but it really made me laugh...

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*********************************

A new supermarket opened in Double Bay, Sydney, Australia

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and bratwurst.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped John Smith's beer.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalising smell of fresh baked bread & cakes.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

What have we learned in 2,065 years?

I make no apologies for this post - I think it sums up the UK's situation perfectly.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*************************************

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."

Cicero - 55 BC


Nothing, apparently.