Behind Blue Eyes

It’s funny how talking about music that you love can start you thinking about things. It happened to me last night as I was driving home having seen my beloved. We’d been talking about music that we both liked, and I said that one of my favourite songs was by The Who – Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

In some respects, this reminds me of my beloved. I know he has trust issues (who doesn’t?) but it seems to take an awful lot to get him to trust anyone, if they ever manage to gain his trust at all.

Don’t get me wrong, as a person, he’s a lovely warm guy, but it’s only the very select few that ever get beyond the barriers that he puts in place. I guess this is done to keep him from being hurt. How the hell I have managed to get him to trust me is something that I have no clue how I achieved – only that I have done so.

As well as reminding me of my beloved, it also made me think about my own life. I’m the first to admit that I’m not exactly the easiest person to get on with – most people think that I’m a cold-hearted bitch.

And yes, I will admit to doing very little to dispel that notion with most people. But some how, my beloved seems to have blown open the very defences that keep most people away from me, and I don’t mind admitting that this scares me.

He has admitted that he wants me in his life, and has said that whatever happens, he will be there for me. If I’m honest, I’d given up on the idea of finding someone like this, who would be there for me, and come flying up to see me if I asked.

I once thought I’d been luck enough to find someone like that, but the minute I refused to play ball with his plans (i.e. leave my job & family and move south with him) then that all changed, because of my refusal and he dropped me faster than a plummeting lemming.

So, I learnt my lesson (the painful way as per normal) and learnt to hide behind the façade of an ice bitch, and didn’t really reveal anything of the real me to the people that were brave enough (or should that be stupid enough) to ask me out.

But something about my beloved managed to change my outlook on love & romance – or at least it has done where he is concerned. I’m never going to be one of those simpering fools that flutters their eyelashes to get something resolved (that sort of behaviour annoys the hell out of me, and my late father would be slinging lightening bolts at me if I even tried to do such a thing!)

But I will admit to trying to be a little more well, feminine when we are together and the circumstances allow it. I mean, it’s pointless turning up to a date at somewhere in heels and a skirt when I'm going to be climbing all over things to get photographs!

So I guess the meaning of the song is to show that the initial view of a person may well be wrong – just take a little time to try and get to know someone before you make a judgement. And I know that I may well have found someone who is like the person towards the end of the song – someone who will do anything to help in whatever shape or form that is required.

I guess I should call this entry quits – my dratted PC is telling me that it needs to re-start in order to complete an update from Microsucks…

Back when I get the chance..

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most