Ok - I admit that I've been somewhat lax about updating my blog recently, as I've had more important things to worry about - namely my god-sprog getting out of hospital - which is a relief for me, as towards the end of her stay, the little rat was trying to throttle me with my chain whenever she got the chance!
Aside from that, there was the preparation required for the annual piss-up that is the departmental Christmas party – this year; it was held at Hall Green Dog racing stadium... How I refrained from making comments about certain (female) members of staff coming out of trap three, I don’t know!*Grin*
Despite that, it was a damned good night out, and I was smart enough to avoid going out clubbing with the rest of them, as I’d already experienced a hangover at work, and didn’t plan on repeating the experience!
There have also been several jokes floating around, and this was one that I thought worthy of posting:
In the Late 1800s a little girl named Virginia asked the New York Times if there was a Santa Clause. The reply is now famous. Someone thought it would be fun to ask the scientists at NASA the same question. Here is their reply:
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.
There are two billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children,that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 138 million or so.
At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes.One presumes there is at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat snacks, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million houses are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops.
This means that Santa's sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 mps. The average reindeer runs at 15 mph.
The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 TONS, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lbs. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see first paragraph) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we cannot do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer.
This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the British liner QE2.
353,430 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates an enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy..... Per second..... Each! In short, they will burst in flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 1,750,006 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,325,015 pounds of force.
CONCLUSION: If there was a Santa, he's dead now.
Aside from that, there was the preparation required for the annual piss-up that is the departmental Christmas party – this year; it was held at Hall Green Dog racing stadium... How I refrained from making comments about certain (female) members of staff coming out of trap three, I don’t know!*Grin*
Despite that, it was a damned good night out, and I was smart enough to avoid going out clubbing with the rest of them, as I’d already experienced a hangover at work, and didn’t plan on repeating the experience!
There have also been several jokes floating around, and this was one that I thought worthy of posting:
In the Late 1800s a little girl named Virginia asked the New York Times if there was a Santa Clause. The reply is now famous. Someone thought it would be fun to ask the scientists at NASA the same question. Here is their reply:
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.
There are two billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children,that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 138 million or so.
At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes.One presumes there is at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat snacks, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million houses are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops.
This means that Santa's sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 mps. The average reindeer runs at 15 mph.
The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 TONS, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lbs. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see first paragraph) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we cannot do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer.
This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the British liner QE2.
353,430 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates an enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy..... Per second..... Each! In short, they will burst in flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 1,750,006 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,325,015 pounds of force.
CONCLUSION: If there was a Santa, he's dead now.
I make no appologies for this - I found it funny....
Time to call it quits - I need to get some sleep tonight, as I've got to go and fight the hoards in Leamington tomorrow morning... I must be barmy!
Back tomorrow - if I'm still in one piece!
Karen.
I walk where others fear to tread
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