Another Bank Holiday, and more travelling

Well, it’s the end of anther bank holiday – this time it was a four day run, as it was the Royal Wedding on the Friday, and the traditional May Day bank holiday today.

Me being me, didn’t spend the bank holiday at home. Instead, I travelled down to see my best friend and his family, and made the usual trip to Auto Italia at Brooklands.

Now the trip on Friday started out quite well, and I was making my leisurely way down the A5, and was starting to wonder if the weather was going to improve, as it was misty, murky, and generally overcast – and didn’t improve the further south I went!

For once, I didn’t manage to get lost, and arrived at my friend’s house, in time to see the Royal Wedding. Bugger. I was planning on avoiding it, but there was no way I could politely get out of it… but in a way, it wasn’t as bad as thought it would be, as it gave me a chance to sit and relax…

My friend arrived, and joined in the commentary with not so subtle comments about the camera angles from the BBC coverage, not to mention the dust that was very apparent of the tops of the wooden decorations on the choir area… Ah – the magic of television!

The rest of the day went quietly, with jokes being told, and plans for the following day being sorted – including lunch (we were taking a cool bag to Brooklands – past experience had taught the pair of us to take food & drink with us!)

The evening, after dinner, we sat watching the documentary Mega Factories (it had been on the National Geographic channel.) This time, it was on the Jack Daniels factory. Now, as it happens, I was given a bottle of Gentleman Jack. Now I am the first one to admit that I am not a great Bourbon fan… In fact, I normally avoid the stuff like the plague – but only because I had no inclination to try it…

However, having seen the program on the Jack Daniels factory, I found myself thinking about this bottle, and decided that it best thing to do would be to take the bottle with me, and crack it open with someone I could share a laugh and a drink with…

So, me being me, cracked the bottle open and shared it with my friend, who was a real sweetie, and showed me the difference between Gentleman Jack and the more “common” (for want of a better term – no offence intended!) Old No. 7. I have to admit that Gentleman Jack is a heck of a lot smoother, sweeter and smokier tasting…

However, there was a sting in the tail for me. I had the worst night’s sleep I have had for ages – and I would swear blind that it was the JD that did me in. So, it taught me one thing – don’t drink the stuff before I go to bed!

The following morning, I was squeaking like I was on helium again. No – not a chest infection this time – it was my hay fever that had gotten to my vocal cords. Aside from giving me nightmares, the JD had helped me to forget to take my Q-var inhaler (the brown preventer), so my immune system decided to go into overdrive…

Needless to say this caused much hilarity for my friend, but I took the ribbing good naturedly, as I knew that it wasn’t meant maliciously…

Brooklands itself has really changed since the last time I was down there – and in some ways, I’m sorry to say that it is to the detriment of the Auto Italia show. The cars were quite spectacular as normal (including the Ferrari Enzo) but there were not the normal range of cars… It seemed that the Lamborghini contingent was an awful lot smaller than normal, and that the Ferrari 430 Scuderia was rather too common for my liking, and there were no Pagani Zondas or Bugattis of any flavour – let alone the Veyron.

The test hill was only run the once, but that was well worth it, as some of the cars nearly didn’t make it up (mainly the small Fiats – things like the Cinquecento) but there were a couple of cars that were rather special going up the hill – including the Lamborghini & Ferrari safety cars…

After we’d watched the cars blasting (or not blasting) their merry way up the test hill, we had a walk around some of the cars that were organised into their respective car clubs… The one that did make me smile was a green Fiat campervan with a sticker on the rear screen that read:

Scrap that refuses to die

It really made me smile, and reminded me of the sticker that I’d had on my Toyota Yaris:

Not available from Toys ‘R’ Us

We finally left Brooklands at 16:50 (ish) and once we were on the grassy area where the car was parked, I freely admit to taking my shoes off, so that I could walk barefoot. Not because my feet hurt – far from it – they were too damned hot in my shoes!

We stopped off at the Marquis of Granby pub on the way home (no idea whereabouts – that’s one of the problems with not being local area) and had a drink in the gardens – well away from the smokers.

My friend seemed to be doing his best to cheer me up, as I have to admit that I was feeling somewhat flat…

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

Runaway Train – Soul Asylum

I explained what was happening (or not happening) with the cardio appointment, and I have to admit that I was really quite scared, because I thought that he would go loopy because I’d not mentioned it to him…

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway Train – Soul Asylum

Thankfully, I will admit to severely underestimating him. He was a real angel, and told me that he would be there for me, and all I had to do was pick the ‘phone up to him, and he would move heaven and earth to get to me. I don’t know what I would do without his friendship, and it’s really reassuring to know that there is someone out there who is willing to provide that sort of support to me.

Now that the world isn't ending
It's love that I'm sending to you
Isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do

Hero – Chad Koeger

We headed for home, but the trouble was, I was too damned tired to do the chilli justice, and freely admit to sparking out cold on the sofa (and snoring according to my friend!)

Sunday was a more relaxed day, and we went to the Aces High gallery in Wendover, in the morning. That place is becoming lethal to me, as I bought another print – this one of the Vulcan...

The afternoon was spent dribbling over some beautiful classic cars (even if I did think that a couple of the cars should have been excluded – one of them being a Jaguar XJS – the only thing that could have been called was scrap!)

Now onto today. I knew that I was heading for home, and I would be going to see my god-daughter, Amber. I also knew that Amber was less than impressed with me, because I’d been to Auto Italia, and not taken her (the kid is Tifosi – she almost bleeds scarlet and gold!). I arrived at her home, and she was standing in the front door, with a face like a major thunderstorm, and I knew that I was in real trouble with her…

Or at least I was until I burst into tears. It wasn’t intentional – far from it. it was a combination of stress over her reaction, and me being worried about my forthcoming hospital stay. Ok – I don’t know the date of it just yet, but it was (and still is) preying on my mind.

Amber was such a sweetie – she ran over to me, and flung her arms around me, and kept wiping the tears away with her handkerchief, telling me that I was going to be ok – she would thump anyone who hurt me! I mean, what can you say when your goddaughter says that to you?

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone!

Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day

So, as I type this, I am emotionally drained, and far form ready to go into the playpen tomorrow, but I guess that I had better call this quits, so that I can try and get some sleep tonight.

Back when I get the chance.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Best Laugh Today

Occasionally, I get a real gem of an e-mail, and this is one of them.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

************************************************************************

It can be hard keeping a straight face as a court reporter..

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Things that make you go “Smeg”

The car service for one. My 207 has had its 40,000 service, and it flagged a couple of issues… One of them being that the rear exhaust bracket (it’s corroded) and the other being a temperature senor that was leaking.

Now I know that the car has thrown its toys out of the pram a few weeks ago, when it threw the gearbox error at me… It turns out that this sensor could have been the reason for the snatchy gear changes when the little monster was cold. So, Arbury have sorted the sensor, and all I have to do is go and collect the little monster (without getting nabbed by the sales team, who seem to be desperate for the monster!)

Ah well, time to log off and go and collect the beastie…

Back when I get chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

That’s what’s been happening just recently. If things can go wrong, they have done. I had the car serviced – ok – not an issue there – until I got a call from the garage to say that there was a problem, and a couple of advisories….

Now I hate it when I get that sort of call. It turned out that the problem was a blasted sensor on the cooling system that had decided to start leaking. Ok – not a major leak – but it was one of those little nasties that could develop into a major problem – and it would be just my luck for it to go when I was on the motorway.

The advisory was to say that the offside front tyre had 3.5mm left on the tread (the UK legal limit is 1.6mm) and that the back box on the exhaust pipe is showing signs of corrosion.

So, the sensor was replaced, and the car seems to be running ok. Thankfully, it looks like this sensor problem has sorted out the gearbox issue (but I still keep the little monster in full auto mode until it’s got some heat into the engine!)

The tyres can wait until I can get the tyres that I want, as I know what suits both the car and me, but the back box I’ll ask for a second opinion , as I don’t want to rush off out and spend money needlessly on the car…

Ah well, time to call it quits – I’ve got stuff to sort out before I pick the car up.

Back later…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

The rights and wrongs of digital books

Most people who know me, know that I am a real bookworm, and have been wrestling with the idea of getting one of the e-readers that is currently on the market. So, I was interested to read this article on the BBC website. I'll post it in full (and provide the link as normal) then put my thoughts at the end.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


********************************************

Reading on screen has to get more like reading a book, says Bill Thompson

The recent rapid growth of the market for electronic editions of contemporary fiction, with some titles selling more in digital marketplaces than they do in printed form, seems unlikely to tail off. The latter part of 2010 may mark the point from which future historians date the transition to screen-based reading for literary fiction as well as reference works.

Amazon's Kindle E-reader

Amazon recently announced that during September it sold more Kindle books than print books for the top ten, hundred and even thousand bestselling books on its US website, and other retailers will no doubt see the same as Christmas approaches.

Page turner

Everyone involved in the book trade, as we will probably continue to call it for some years, is trying to decide how to respond to this change and anticipate the imminent arrival of the sort of creative destruction that has swept through the music industry, but few seem to have many good ideas.

Independent publishers like Faber & Faber and Canongate, both of whom I spend time talking to about the impact of digital publishing (though not for money), are trying hard to remain relevant, and initiatives like the new electronic publishing service, Faber Factory, are a sign that they understand the changing market.

However, even they are not yet willing to accept that the price of electronic texts is too high, and that readers will not pay the same for a bunch of bits as they will for a bound book, since the market knows that it costs less to send electrons over a network than it does to buy paper, make books out of it and ship the physical objects around the world.

We should not allow the law to treat the products of creative expression in the same way as we do physical property

Bill Thompson

They also seem unprepared for the fundamental shift in the whole basis of their business that digital distribution brings about.

Something important happens when the text of a book is peeled away from the physical book, exposing the important distinction between the law as it applies to property and copyright law, and this has significant implications for how publishers make money - or even whether they will do so at all.

When you buy a book you take ownership of the wood pulp, ink and glue that makes up the object, and anyone taking it away from you without permission is stealing. But you do not own, and never have owned, the copyright.

If the author is still alive or died fewer than 70 years ago then that list of words and punctuation, in that precise order, may be protected in various ways, limiting your ability to reproduce some or all of the list.

When you buy an digital copy to read on your e-book reader, phone or laptop all you get is the copyrighted bit, and what you pay for is a licence to have a copy or copies of the text.

You don't "own" an object - all you have is an agreement, and the things you can do with it are limited both by copyright law and by the terms of the legal licence agreement you enter into when you make your purchase.

Kindle and iPad users are acutely aware of this, because the digital rights management system used to limit copying of purchased e-books makes it impossible to share one with a friend in the way that we are all accustomed to do with physical books, while the licence makes it impossible to sell our second-hand e-books to others and defray the cost of new purchases.

Lending list

Limits on lending rights could hit libraries

Amazon recently announced that it will let Kindle owners "lend" books, but only for two weeks and only once per title. It clearly expects to get a lot of positive publicity for following the approach of other e-book readers like the Barnes and Noble "Nook", but all they have done is to highlight exactly what we are giving up as we move from buying books to licensing content for our digital devices.

Perhaps the worst thing about the new feature is that Amazon will give publishers a veto over sharing their titles. For a company with a reputation for pushing publishers into distribution deals that they find very difficult to work with, Amazon seems very wary of doing anything that might upset the rights holders.


When the new Kindle shipped with a feature that let it read texts aloud in a synthesised voice it only took a few angry huffs and puffs from the US Author's Guild before the facility was made optional, to be turned off at the behest of the publisher.

And now Amazon is careful to announce the publisher-friendly aspects of its new feature, highlighting the fact that when you pay your money for a Kindle edition you aren't buying a book, and you certainly aren't buying an e-book that is in any way equivalent to a printed codex.


I'd be happy with a system that let me transfer my purchases rather than sharing them - I don't expect my one download of a copy of the new Jonathan Frantzen to provide for the reading needs of my entire extended family at the same time, but lending my Kindle - or in this case my iPad - means lending every book (and every other app), which is not the same as just lending one book.

There is one bright spot in all this, though. Amazon's business model offers us the clearest possible demonstration that we should not allow the law to treat the products of creative expression in the same way as we do physical property.

The idea of "intellectual property" deliberately conflates the two and allows politicians to pretend that laws about physical property should extend to digital downloads. We need to challenge this unjustifiable elision if we are to think seriously about copyright and business models in the age of electronics.


Bill Thompson is an independent journalist and regular commentator on the BBC World Service programme Digital Planet. He is currently working with the BBC on its archive project.

*******************************************************************************
This article has hit the main argument against e-books (for me anyway) on the head.  Plus, there is the practical side - you can drop your paperback into the swimming pool / bath, curse a little bit, and then wait for it to dry out.  However, if you drop your e-reader into the water...  Well you can kiss good bye to a pile of money. 

Add into that, you cannot sit and read during take off and landing when flying (and you have to lug the charger and all the associated bits) then you get to the stage where for someone like me it's just not worth it at the moment.

So I guess that I'll just have to remain loyal to the paperback - until these issues are resolved.

Back when I get the chance...


K.

Hitman on the Golf Course

Occasionally, you get a real howler of a joke, and this is one of them. I make no apologies for posting it – it’s made me giggle on a day when not much else has been able to do so.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

************************************************************************

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you, my partner didn't turn up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight... 'Here are my tools.'

'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked. WHOA! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her, he's naked too!!!

He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'

'Can you do two for me right now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'

'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

'Are you going to do it or not?' said the golfer impatiently.

'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here.'

Trying to find a horse…

As people may or may not know, I’ve been searching for a horse to replace my beloved Heart of Flame, and have struck out every time I thought I’d found “the one”.

Again, it looks like fate has turned away from me again, as I thought I’d found the perfect horse. He’s a Lusitano, and is as gentle as a lamb. However, when I went for a ride, it felt like he was pulling to one side. The best way to describe this, is to imagine a car with tracking problems – it pulls to one side. Well, that was how this horse felt.

So, as it stands at the moment, I am waiting for an independent report on the horse, as the last thing that I need to do is buy him, and discover that I have more vets bills than my damned insurance will cover.

Needless to say, I am on the verge of giving up, as this search has caused nothing but heartache for me, but part of me is whispering “keep the faith – you’ll find one” – especially as I have really missed being able to go for an early morning ride.

Ah well, time to call this quits – I need to get some sleep.

Back when I get the chance…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

The formation with feeling

I make no apologies for posting this - as per normal it was sent to me by my American friends.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*********************************************************************
Look at this carefully........... It is brilliant, and another true example of British Humor!!


The British government scrapped the Harrier fleet and on their farewell formation flypast over the Houses of Parliament they gave the government a message............

Lean back a bit from your computer monitor and squint.


Seriously......................... push your chair back a couple of feet.

My hat off to the lad that was leading this bloody gaggle..................

Spider web fire risk prompts Mazda6 recall

Some things you just can’t make up – and this is one of them.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***************************************************************************

Japanese carmaker Mazda has announced it is recalling 65,000 cars in North and Central America because of concerns over spiders in the fuel system. 

A Mazda spokesman said dealers had found 20 cases where webs of yellow sac spiders were found in a vent line.

The company said this could increase pressure in the fuel tank, leading to possible cracks and a risk of fire.

Dealers will check the cars for cracks, clean out any webs and install a spring in the line to keep out the spiders.

About 50,000 Mazda6 vehicles from the 2009-10 model years are being recalled in the United States, with another 15,000 in Canada, Mexico and Puerto Rico.

Mazda spokesman Jeremy Barnes said it was not clear why the yellow sac spider liked to build nests in the Mazda6.

"Perhaps yellow sac spiders like to go zoom-zoom?" he joked, referring to Mazda's advertising slogan for the car.

The company said it did not know of any accidents or fires caused by the spider webs.

Vile hackers

Not a happy person at the moment. A few months ago, a website that I use had been hacked, and card details were taken. Ok – not an issue, as the company concerned notified everyone, and I thought I was safe. Just how wrong can you damned well be.

I got a call from the bank, and as I was on a call at the time, I hit “reject” on my phone, meaning that it would go through to my voicemail. It did, and I got the message that everyone dreads…

“This is a message for Karen – you’ll hear an automated message after a few seconds of music. {Music} Please call ABC bank on {tel. number} reference code xxx”

Smeg. So I tore out of the office like the back of my trousers were on fire to call the bank. And yep. My card had been hit. The vermin had tried to use it to credit an Xbox live account, and as luck would have it, I’d already told the bank that I don’t have an Xbox, and if they saw anything like that, then it was certainly suspect.

So the bank has now cancelled my card, and I now have to wait until this time next week for a replacement to be sent. Needless to say, I am not a happy person, but in all honesty I am glad that the bank picked the issue up.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’ve got a home to go to.

Back when I get the chance…


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Lol Cats Strike Again!

It's a slow day, so web surfing has been one of the few things that has kept me sane...

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

**************************************************************************




see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

More from Lol Cats...

It's the company propaganda meeting today (I mean conference) and as I went last year, I've refused to go this year. So, that's meant that I have time on my hands to go web surfing, and it's amazing what you can find. These pictures (and captions) all come from the Lol Cats' website.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*******************************************************************


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

An enjoyable day off

Well, I finally managed to get a day to myself, and go shopping with Carol. We opted to go to Milton Keynes, because the weather was grotty (we had originally planned to go to Leicester, but neither of us fancied getting cold & wet!)

We got parked in the multi-story car park (the location of the damned thing seems to be a state secret, as there are NO signs to tell you where the damned thing is), and I refused to pay the extortionate rate the city council want to charge for the privilege of parking close to the centre, or walk miles to get into the main shopping area.

The first stop was Boots, as I wanted to get a new hairdryer that I could take away with me when I travel in the UK. Ok – not a problem there, in theory, as I was after a travel dryer and had seen one on the website that would have done the job perfectly, without costing silly money.

However, in practise, it was a non-starter. Simply because the dratted thing had sold out. Mind you, it was on offer, so I couldn’t really complain. But I did manage to get a dryer. It’s a BaByliss 2000w dryer, and is nice and lightweight, and didn’t cost silly money. The only drawback as such, is that it’s not a travel dryer, so it’s a little on the large side, but as it’s going to be travelling in the UK with me, that’s not really an issue.

Then, it was on to the clothes shopping. Both Carol and I were looking for a new top, and I was the one that struck gold. I got a top that I had been eyeing up far ages in the sale. It was marked down from its full price of £35.00 to £17.50!

To say I was pleased was an understatement, and Carol also managed to get the top that she had been looking for – a denim shirt:

  

It was then time to head for our normal coffee stop – Costa Coffee, which just happens to be in my favourite bookshop – Waterstones. That book shop is one of the few places where I can usually find at least one book that I am interested in, and true to form, I managed to get three for two. They were:

• The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory
• 1000 Years of Annoying the French by Stephen Clarke
• The Secret Crown by Chris Kuzneski

 
Then it was off for a coffee, and a chat, whilst we planned our next move –which turned out to be a trip to Lush, as the pair of us were after their new limited edition shower gel, called It’s Raining Men.

Now this little treat is part of the limited edition Valentine range, and in my opinion, smells better on the skin than in the bottle. It’s supposed to have the same scent as Honey I Washed The Kids soap, and I have to admit that I am not really bothered about the soap scent, yet this shower gel is one that has hooked me.

I also got a pot of my favourite shampoo – Big. This sounds revolting, as it contains quite a lot of sea salt, but it does wonders for my hair, as it gives it more volume than any other volumising shampoo that I have come across. And it smells really good as well – it reminds me of a citrus margarita.

Carol also got a couple of bits, and we then started to wander back towards the car. As we walked, Carol asked me it I had ever fancied going for a pedicure. Now I am the first to admit that my feet in the winter don’t get very much attention, and I have tremendous amounts of hard skin on my heels and the balls of my feet. She said that she’d been reading about this company, called Feet Therapy.

Now I had sort of heard of this company, as I’d seen one of their “stores” when I was in York, and hadn’t really paid much attention to it, other than noticing that the windows were running with condensation.

So we walked to the store, and were met by a really pleasant fella, and he explained what the process would be.

The first step, was to rinse our feet off, and get rid of any fluff and nasty chemicals that we had used on our feet. No chance of that, as I don’t tend to use anything on my feet in winter. I work on the principal that my feet are hidden in boots / shoes, so no-one gets to see them!

Then, it was into the tank with the fish. No – I'm not joking – you put your feet into a tank with fish in them. Not just any fish, but Garra Rufa fish, that really seem to enjoy munching on dead / dry / scaly skin.

It tickled at first, but as far as I was concerned, the water was warm, and that was good enough for me. I have to admit, it was an odd sensation, but at the end of the session, my feet felt really good – like I’d had a really good scrape at my feet with a pumice stone.

Then it was my turn to treat Carol. I wanted to get my eyebrows tidied up, and knew of a good store en-route to the car park that would do the job perfectly. Now I know that this can be a tad on the painful side (but the results are well worth it).

I admit that I was flinching, but poor Carol was almost being scraped off the ceiling! She did admit that it was worth the pain (albeit it somewhat grudgingly) and we then headed back to the car with the shopping, as I had no intention of carrying it with me anymore, as my hands were starting to complain at that point.

Then, it was off to go and get lunch. Now Milton Keynes has a variety of eating places, and most of them are a little too fancy for what we were after – what we wanted was something that wasn’t over the top (which ruled out places like Wagamama) and not somewhere that was particularly child friendly (which ruled out Burger King and McDonalds).

I then remembered that there was a JD Wetherspoons near by, and I know from past experience that the food in the group as a whole was pretty good, and this one was no exception.

We both opted for the Beer & Burger offer (only in my case it was a glass of Pepsi as I was driving – Carol also opted for a Pepsi, as she didn’t fancy a beer).

Then it was back into the centre, and heading to the car, as the pair of us were knackered, and heading home, the driving standard was not good – including the bloody fool in the 59 plate Saab that decided that he/she/it was not required to obey the 40mph speed limit, and then promptly started tail gaiting the poor sod in front of them I was only too glad to get rid of the idiot if I'm honest.

Ah well, time to call this quits – I’ve got mo be back in the playpen tomorrow…

Back tomorrow if I get the chance…


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Thought for the New Year....

TO MY DEAREST FRIENDS & FAMILY:

There were probably many, many times this year when I may have
Disturbed you,
Troubled you,
Pestered you,
Irritated you,
Bugged you,
Or got on your nerves....

So today I just wanted to tell you...........

Suck it up Cupcake!!!


'Cause there are NO CHANGES planned for 2011 !!!

On the squeak.

Yet again, I have been hit with the lurgy. A triple whammy this time, with a dose of ‘flu (ok – not too bad – I’d had the jab), a chest infection and my asthma deciding to go haywire.

The ‘flu and the chest infection haven’t really helped my asthma, and when I went to see the doctor on Friday morning, I was squeaking and wheezing like there was no tomorrow – so it was straight onto the antibiotics and steroid pills (enough to get Mum to duck if I started coughing) and plenty of rest and fluids.

Ok – that go me through until Monday, when I started having to rely really heavily on my blue inhaler, but it didn’t really seem to help. So, back to the doctor I duly go, only to be put on a nebuliser.

This looks like an oxygen mask, with a little pot underneath which seemed to have two colourless liquids mixed in, and was then placed over the nose and mouth, with the instructions to breathe normally.

Ok – so far so good. However, it reminded me of a compressor (guess it was in a way) and all I could see was a sort of vapour escaping from the two side vents. But there was one slight drawback – I had to take my glasses off so that I could read, as the mask was a little too big for me. But, beggars can’t be choosers, and I have to admit that it has helped (as has having a hot water bottle semi permanently attached!)

Now onto the other problem… The boiler has started to play up, meaning that there is little heating in the house (hence the hot water bottle) and British Gas (in their alleged infinite wisdom) decided that as the boiler was running after a fashion, that they would cancel the engineer’s visit that I had booked for Tuesday PM.

Now that was ok on Monday, as the solution that my beloved gave me on Sunday night (bleed the radiators of air bubbles) had seemed to work. But this boiler has proven over the years to be a temperamental little SOB, and has now decided to really play silly buggers. It looks like the air pressure switch is playing up, meaning that the burner won’t catch properly (ah, the joys of the trouble shooting guide in the boiler handbook.)

Now comes the real kick in the teeth. Because the blasted thing is 20 years old, it would be very difficult to get another service contract on it, despite the fact that it normally runs without any problems. So, as I type this, I am sitting at my computer cursing British Gas and wishing that we had insisted on the engineer coming out, whilst Mum is giving British Gas a real blasting on the ‘phone.

I doubt that it will do much good, but I can understand her frustration, as we cancelled the original appointment at the request of British Gas, as we did have heating of a sort. However, the minute we try and point out that one of our neighbours is having a routine service visit, we then get told that because it was booked several weeks ago, then that can’t be changed. Thanks for bloody nothing.

It makes me wonder what the smeg my family have paid out all this money to British Gas over the years for this damned service contract, when all the dopes at the call centre can do is suggest that we go and buy a dimplex heater from B & Q. congratulations – they’ve sold out, and we are snowed in, so even if we wanted to get one, we can’t get out.

Ah well, guess I should go and reheat the hot water bottle and find something to keep myself out of mischief…

Back when I get the chance.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells… chaos all the way

I make no apologies for this entry – it was in today’s Daily Mail, and I have to admit it did make me giggle. All credit to Richard Littlejohn – mine is but to post.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*****************
There’s nothing like a good old singsong to raise the spirits up difficult times such as these. With that in mind, I thought I should update same classic holiday hits to reflect the widespread travel disruption which has caused so much mayhem over the past few days. I had hoped to include Chris Rea’s Driving home for Christmas, but due to adverse weather conditions at Scotch Corner on the A1 it has been delayed indefinitely. If you’re stuck on a train, or marooned at the airport, feel free to sing along.

Walking in a winter wonderland

The phones ring
No one’s listening
All the staff
Have gone missing
Check the website
You won’t get a flight
Stranded in the Heathrow hinterland.

Locked away
Are the gritters
Read about it
On Twitter
It’s nobody’s fault
We ran out of salt
Stranded in a Winter Blunderland.

Snowfall came
Without warning
You could blame
Global warming
But nobody cares
About the polar bears
When they’re stranded in a Winter Blunderland.


Jingle Bells

Stuck here in the snow
On the Hendon way
Nowhere else to go
It’s been like this all day.
Drivers sound their horns
Lorries flash their lights
It’s all a waste of time
We won’t get home tonight.

Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Chaos all the way
What a drag it is to sit
In the Hendon way,
Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
No one gives a toss
According to the radio,
They’ve just closed Brent cross.


Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus’s sled has broken down

He planned to come by reindeer
But Rudolph had a crash
Now his sleigh’s been grounded
By a cloud of volcanic ash.

So he plotted his route
He checked it twice
But he didn’t spot
That sheet of black ice.

Santa Claus’s sled has broken down
Santa Claus’s sled has broken down
Santa Claus’s sled has broken down


I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday

When the snowman brings the snow
How is he supposed to know
That the whole country will descend into disarray?
If you jump in your car
And try to get away
You’ll only spend your Christmas morning
In the slow lane of the M1 motorway

Well thank God it isn’t Christmas every day,
When the trains stop running
And the buses melt away
Well thank God it isn’t Christmas every day,
Just get the snow ploughs out for Christmas.


Let It Snow

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But you don’t need to be that insightful,
In Winter, a halfwit should know
It’ll snow, it’ll snow.

The moment the clouds start spitting
It’s time to start gritting
Not behave like a headless chicken
It’s only snow, only snow, only snow


Do They Know It’s Christmas?

It’s Christmas time,
There’s no chance to get away
At Christmas time
You can always rely on BAA
In our world of chaos
Where nothing ever works
Throw another log on the fire and stay indoors

But say a prayer
For the unlucky ones
At Christmas time, they’ll be stuck for days at Terminal One,
There’s a world inside the airport
That’s just like a transit camp,
And the traffic isn’t flowing
Because they’ve closed the exit ramp
And the only food on offer
Is cold and three days old
Well tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you.

And it always snows in Ing-er-land at Christmas time
But every year the story is the same
The moment that it snows
They shut down all the roads
Do they care it’s Christmas time at all?

Freeze the world…


I’m Dreaming of A White Christmas

I’m dreading another White Christmas
Just like we’ve had the past three years,
When the snow is falling
The response is appalling
And your bets laid plans will end in tears.

I’m dreading another White Christmas,
Next year I’m going to Sandy Lane,
That’s weather permitting,
If they remember the gritting,
At Gatwick and de-ice the plane.

Lol Cats

This is a website that I stumbled across, and decicded to have a look at..

All I will say is enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

**************************************************************************

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

More on Wiki Leaks...

This was a cartoon from a news web site that I stumbled across, and I thought it summed up the current hysteria really well...


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

*********************************************************************************

Wikileaks...

This website has been in the news rather a lot just recently, because it's self-styled "editor-in-chief" Julian Assange, has taken it upon himself to publish confidential documents from the US government.

A lot of this stuff has been little more than private gossip from diplomats, and is of no real interest to people (apart from the people that the diplomats have been less than complimentary about) , but revealing things that could cause real problems for governments and military alike is not on.

Now I am all in favour of free speech - and will do my utmost to defend it (and freely admit that I applauded Wikileaks for the details that they released about the atrocities in Iraq) but things such as:

Fears that terrorists may acquire Pakistani nuclear material

Several Arab leaders urged attack on Iran over nuclear issue

US instructs spying on key UN officials

China's changing ties with North Korea

Yemen approved US strikes on militants

Personal and embarrassing comments on world leaders

Afghan leader Hamid Karzai freed dangerous detainees

Russia is a "virtual mafia state" with widespread corruption and bribery

Afghan President Hamid Karzai is "paranoid and weak"

The extent of corruption in Afghanistan

Chinese leadership 'hacked Google'

A list of key global facilities the US says are vital to its national security

should not have been released. I've just covered the very vague topics that the documents cover, as I really and truly do not believe that the should have been put up on the web for all to read. I wouldn't be surprised if the US government asked for this man to be extradited to the US to face possible terrorism and / or espionage charges.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits - it's nearly the end of my lunch break.

Back when I get the chance

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

World Cup? More like World fiasco.

Well, the hype is over and England has failed in the bid to win the world cup. I'm not upset - far from it, as I dislike football, but what annoys me is the money that has been wasted on the bid.

Ok - I know that it would have been good for the country's economy, and raised the UK profile but it does make we wonder what FIFA were (or more to the point weren't) think about when they awarded the 2018 cup to Russia. I could understand the cup going to South Africa (vuvuzelas anyone?) as there hasn't been an African World Cup, but Russia? Sorry, that doesn't make sense to me.

I'm not saying that the England bid was perfect - far from it - but as far as I can tell, the infrastructure is already in place (and will have been improved further because of the 2012 Olympics in London) but all the reports are saying that Russia will have to do an awful lot of building to be able to cope with the influx of fans...

Add into that, it does make you wonder how much damge the BBC Panorama programme did to the bid. Yes - I agree that the allegations of corruption in FIFA need to be made public, but surely that Panorama programme could have been held over until the voting was over and done with, as it appears to have done quite a bit of damage to the bid.

Ah well, at least we have the Olympics (2012) and Rugby World Cup (2015) to look forward to..

Guess I should call this quits - I'm falling asleep at my PC again...

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Jokes to brighten a gloomy day...

It's a tad on the slow side, so my friends and colleagues have been sending me jokes to make me giggle.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************************************************

A farmer named Godfrey was overseeing his stock in a remote moorland pasture in North Yorkshire when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced towards him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Godfrey looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Godfrey.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.

Then Godfrey says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of Parliament for our Government", says Godfrey.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep....


Now give me back my dog.


And:

Christmas Cake Recipe

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake
recipe so here goes:Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get
tired of typing this up every year!
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality..

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Christmas

It’s “Snow” Joke

The British seem incapable of coping with winter weather. Now I am not saying that I enjoy this sort of weather - far from it, it’s just the mere fact that the South East of the country gets hit, and it appears to the media that the world is ending.

Parts of the UK are badly hit – I won’t dispute that, but what bugs the living daylights out of me, is the fact that the media has gone into a flat panic demanding to know why the highways agency, the airports and the railways cannot cope with the snow, and are demanding to know why Scandinavian countries cope.

Simple answer to that – they know almost to the week when they will be getting snow and it’s an annual occurrence, so they have all the equipment that they require to deal with this type of weather.

The UK however, has only really had this type of weather the past couple of years, as the weather in the winter tends to run to mild and snow free. So, if the local authorities and the highways agency would be pilloried by the media for wasting money on equipment that is hardly used. So they’re damned by the media which ever way they decide to jump.

Aside from that, I am also getting fed up with the attitude of fellow shoppers – including the stroppy old bat in Waterstones the other day. She was quite rude to the poor lad who was serving her, and I really couldn’t see any reason for her being grumpy – other than the fact that she was an old trout.

Add into that, the mere fact that it’s getting to the stage where you need full riot protection gear to go anywhere near a shopping centre and you get one unhappy person.

And yes – I am the sort that says “Bah Humbug!” as I am getting fed up with Christmas being rammed down my throat – starting in bloody September. I am not against Christmas – far from it. It’s just that the push towards Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every damned year.

Ah well, time to call this quits – I’m starting to fall asleep in front of my pc, and I have to be in the playpen tomorrow.

Back when I get the chance,

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Weather Warning

I make no apologies for posting this - it made me grin.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************************************************


Weather Warning - we are expecting 2 feet of snow

King Arthur and the Witch

Something else that made me smile this morning, and all I will say is read this all the way through.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************************

King Arthur and the Witch:

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?... What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high, as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below.

BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.

OKAY?















Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?



The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly

The Husband Store

It's amazing what I get sent, and I just couldn't resist posing this, as it really made me giggle this morning.

Enjoy.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

***********************************************

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


(Scroll and keep reading!)


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Returning from an escape - Part II…

Well, I’ve done my unpacking – it was more a case of getting the washing out of the case so that Mum doesn’t spend ages wondering what is clean and what needs washing from the trip.

After we’d been to York on Wednesday, we headed south (ok – I got it wrong with the Satnav, and took a slight detour), but eventually ended up on the right route – the A1M south, with the intention of linking up with the main M1.

That was something that really surprised me. Compared with the idiots on the motorways in this area, the driving standard was incredible – as there were very few people doing over the 70mph limit… Normally, if you’re doing 70mph on the M1 in this area, you’re in the inside lane (lane 1) with the HGVs chasing you. I suspect that this is due to rigorous enforcement of the speed limits by the motorway police patrols.

Once off the motorway (and Mum had finished cursing me for the fact that I had chosen Darth Vader as the Satnav voice, which comes out with such gems as “I sense an exit approaching” and “You have reached your destination – but you are not a Jedi yet”), the Satnav took me the most obscure route possible to the Premier Inn, but we managed get there…

And once I had done so, I did wonder if I’d gotten the right place, as it looked totally different to the image on the website. It was the right one, and I will admit to having second thoughts about the accommodation, but pushed them to the back of my mind.

We got checked in, and headed to the room, where I promptly flopped onto the bed with my book (Hannibal by Robert Harris – the book that the film is based on and is infinitely more scary), and started to chill out…

Or at least I did until the noise of a train shattered the peace that I was trying to establish. Cursing as I clambered off the bed, I went to the window, and spotted that the main East Coast railway line was about 1/3rd of a mile away from us, and appeared to be on the same level as our room (which was on the first floor.)

Not a good sign, and I should have realised that things weren’t going to improve. We’d booked dinner in the restaurant / bar of the hotel, and when we got seated, it was freezing cold. As Mum remarked “what bright spark puts the A/C on in the middle of November?” and we weren’t the only ones to object…

Dinner itself wasn’t much to write about (it was tasty, and filled a gap to a point) and I was only too glad to crawl into my pit… Until the noise from the bar (which kicked out at midnight) woke me up. I don’t know if it was the smokers having their final nicotine fix before they went to bed, but they didn’t endear themselves to either me or Mum.

But the best was yet to come. As per normal, my alarm went off at 07:00 (I’m beginning to really dislike the James Blunt Song “You’re Beautiful” but that’s only because it’s my alarm clock tone!) and I staggered out of bed to grab a shower.

Or so the plan was. Mum had already tried the hot water in the basin, and it was non-existent. So, I called the reception, and they sent someone up to sort it. Fine. Not. We were told that if we left it about 30 mins, then there should be hot water, as everyone was using the showers at the same time, meaning that there was no spare hot water.

To say I was unimpressed was an understatement, and Mum and I both went down for breakfast, hoping that there would be hot water when we got back. There was – just about, and the pair of us were muttering very darkly about it, and both agreed that this was probably the worst Premier Inn that we had ever stayed in.

However, it was very convent for Meadowhall (see http://www.meadowhall.co.uk/)and we managed to get parked very easily. Almost too easily if I’m honest, and we soon found the reason why. The place didn’t open until 10:00, and we were about an hour too early. Thank god for Costa Coffee which was open, and allowed the pair of us to plot our movements around the centre.

It’s a bit of a weird set up, and although it’s on two levels, very few shops had both levels taken, meaning that if you wanted to go to the upper level, you had to either find an escalator or fight your way into a lift (or risk being toppled on the stairs.)

On the whole, I would say that it’s reminiscent of Merry Hill, and yes, there were some interesting individual shops, but if I’m brutally honest, I wouldn’t make a special trip to go up there.

The Thursday night was just as bad as the previous night, and again, it was a case of no hot water, despite the fact that I decided to treat myself to an extra half hour in bed. But not that I was able to sleep, again due to the damned noise. And yet again, there was no hot water, and this was about 08:30!

Mum and I did something that we’ve never had cause to do in the whole time that we’ve used Premier Inn – we invoked the “Goodnight Guarantee” for both nights, as the pair of us were exhausted. Mum was worried about me driving but I knew as soon as I was out of that grotty place, and heading for home I would feel 100% better.

As I type this, yes, I am tired, but I know that I’ll feel better once I have crawled into my own bed, and had the joyful sound that is Wrennie Hendrix (that’s what I call our resident wren – I swear the little sod has a Stratocaster and power amp that it uses to serenade the garden) waking me up tomorrow morning.

Ah well, time to call this quits – I’ve got to be up early tomorrow morning – there appears to be no rest for the horrible..

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Returning from an escape- Part I…

Well, I’m back from my break in York and Sheffield. As per normal, I’ll split this into two posts, otherwise a single post will be way too long and complicated.

Mum and I left home at 05:55 on Monday, with the rain hammering down. The idea was to get through the bottleneck at Derby, as I refused to use the M1. Not because I am afraid of motorways, far from it. It’s more a case of preserving my driving license and helping the fuel economy on the car (and given the weather conditions, the spray on the motorway would have been horrendous to drive in).

So, it wasn’t a bad run and we were through Derby and well en-route when we decided to stop for breakfast (think we were near Alfreton). So, we stopped at the Little Chef. Ok – not a problem there, but Mum and I were the only ones in the restaurant. Considering it was attached to a Travel Lodge, the guests didn’t seem to be showing any inclination to eat there.

Mind you, I guess that I can see the reason why. A breakfast at the Premier Inn group that I tend to stay in will cost £7.95 for the Premier Breakfast, which is everything that is on offer, from croissants to a full cooked breakfast and everything in between, with drinks included in the price. However, a breakfast at the Little Chef would be about £10 (or more), as you would have to buy the breakfast and drinks of your choice individually.

Aside from that, I appreciated the break as driving in the rain wasn’t pleasant – mainly because it was dark until about 07:30 (I loathe the switch back to GMT – the only benefit that I can see is the fact that I get an extra hour in bed the day or rather night that the clocks go back).

Then it was back on track, again avoiding the motorway, and to be honest, there wasn’t much to look at (or stop off for) on the way up to York…  Or at least not until I spotted a sign that said “York Designer Village"

That was it. The perfect place to stop and have a break from driving, as I was getting bored with driving, and Mum was starting to suffer from “numb bum” syndrome. So, we parked and headed into the outlet.

To call it a designer outlet was somewhat misleading. Yes, there were a few designer outlets there (think one of them was Armani, and another was L K Bennett) but most of them were the usual run of the mill high street shops – places like Next and Marks & Spencer spring to mind immediately, with a few others mixed in with them.

Lunch was nothing too special – it was a jacket potato (ok – mine had chicken tikka as the filling) but it did the job, and allowed us to get back on the road to the Premier Inn that I had booked for the first part of our trip.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, and we managed to locate the Premier Inn without much hassle.

The approach to the hotel was somewhat disconcerting, but once I’d gotten over the fact that it was almost a single track road to get past the pub that the hotel was behind, it was nice and easy to park.

The hotel itself was very well appointed – just what I’ve come to expect from Premier inn, and although the bathroom was a slightly odd layout, (the bathroom door was placed so that the toilet area could be closed off from the main bathroom) it was just what I wanted. Apart from the fact that there was a shower cubical instead of a bath.

Ok – that did take some getting used to, as it didn’t allow as much movement space as I am accustomed to, but once I was used it, it was nice and easy to use, with plenty of hot water.

Dinner was at the Dormouse, which was part of the Vintage Inn group – not one that I know much about (although I think there is a pub that I’ve been to with my beloved that is part of the same group – I’ll have to ask him) and to say that I was spoilt for choice was an understatement.

Good beer (think things like Black Sheep and Sharps Doombar on draught) and the food menu was very good as well. To say that I was stuffed after my choice was an understatement (but I think that the pint of Doombar helped as well!)

The following morning, after breakfast Mum and I headed into York, using the Park and Ride (think it was the Rawston Lane one – I can recall that it was the Green line though) The weather was vile, and I have to admit, York is rather reminiscent of a rabbit warren – and is hardly compact when it comes to shopping. It’s ok I guess if you know your way around the city, but as I haven’t been to York for about 20 years or so, things have changed an awful lot.

As the weather was so vile (think heavy rain and very cold wind) Mum and I spent most of our time dodging in and out of the various shops. The one I was pleased to find was Culppeper – there was one in Leamington many years ago, but it closed and has been replaced by some perfume shop or other…

Aside from that, there were quite a few individual shops, that ranged from really interesting (things like the Whisky Shop on Coppergate) to the run of the mill (like Marks and Spencer)

As the weather was so vile, I skipped my trip to see York Minster, as I was cold and tired – I think the early start on Monday had knocked the living daylights out of me, so it was a cold walk back to the bus stop. Thankfully, we didn’t have too long to wait, and we were soon back in the room at the hotel (and I have to admit that I was soon asleep!)

The following day (Wednesday) we headed back into York, as I was determined to go around the Minster. Again, it wasn’t very pleasant weather, but at least it wasn’t raining – just blasted cold. As Mum didn’t fancy going around the Minster, we agreed to meet in the Costa coffee shop that was near (ok – opposite) the park and ride bus stop.

So, off I scampered to the Minster- only to discover the entrance had been changed, and was in a different location. But that was soon overcome, and I entered the Minster. The memories came flooding back, as the last time I was there was with Dad, and I remember being awestruck even then.

I spent a shorter time there than I would have really liked, but as I was supposed to be heading to our next stop, it meant I couldn’t spend as long as I would have liked (plus I didn’t have my camera with me – something for which I am kicking myself for) but as I was going to be going to Sheffield Meadowhall I didn’t really want to have to leave the camera in the car…

Ah well, time to call this quits – I’m supposed to be unpacking – not blogging.

Back later with the details about the Sheffield leg of the trip…


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most