Walking in the Shadows

Random musings from Warwickshire on life in general... Things that make me laugh, make me cry, things that wind me up beyond all endurance - and everything in between.

Chilling out, and missing someone…

Well, it’s back to the playpen tomorrow, and I have to admit I’m not really looking forward to it. I’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet of this bank holiday (not to mention seeing my beloved on Saturday), and am supposed to be preparing to get my stuff ready for the morning. However, at the moment, I have a severe case of TNFI…

Today has been quite good though – I went back to Milton Keynes with Mum. Now I know that I was there on Saturday, and only managed to get a couple of bits… I don’t think my mind was really on my shopping somehow!

If I’m honest, I was really looking forward to seeing my beloved, as it had been about five weeks since we’d seen each other. Yes, I know that we talk on the phone practically every day, but a phone call can’t give you a hug when you’re feeling really flat, or pull a silly face to make me smile.

But I digress. Milton Keynes was really good. Again, it was a real mixture of opening times, with some stores opening at 09:30 and others opening with their Sunday trading hours.

So, it was into McDonald’s for a Mcbreakfast (this was one of the few places that was open – aside from Dickens & Jones – which has serious delusions of grandeur, but is just overpriced).

After breakfast, Mum and I headed to Marks & Spencer, to have a look around. To be honest, I wasn’t too impressed with what I saw, and privately began to despair of finding anything that I wanted for my impending holiday.

However, things changed when Mum suggested that we headed back to a shop that had been closed when we walked past, on the way to BHS. As I’d given up on the idea of finding a swimsuit, I wasn’t really looking. Murphy’s Law seems to dictate that when you’re not looking, you will find precisely what you are looking for. This happened with my swimsuit.

It’s not anything really magical – it’s plain black with a coloured band decorating the top, but it was the fit that was the real delight. Since I tore my shoulder muscles about six years ago, I’ve had problems with the straps on my swimsuits cutting into it when the shoulder decides to swell up. This one however, has enough stretch in it to be secure when I swim (or move my arms) and still provide a comfortable fit.

Then it was trying to find a travel pack for my contact lens solution. My usual solution comes in a 360ml pack – which is too large to take in my hand luggage (you’re restricted to a maximum of 100ml for liquids) and also rather heavy to put in the case. Again, I’d given up on the idea of trying to get something suitable, but headed into Dolland & Atchison as a last resort…

And came up trumps. They had exactly what I wanted – a preservative free 3% peroxide solution, suitable for soft contact lenses. But I should have guessed that there would be a snag…

It wasn’t listed on the computer system so the poor lady who was dealing with me had to do a hand written receipt, as the head office wasn’t open today, meaning that she couldn’t get the code for the product to go into the computer. But, we overcame this difficulty by using the hand written receipt and a note of what I bought and the quantity.

But even as I was walking around Milton Keynes, all I could think about was my beloved. He seemed so tired when I saw him on Saturday, and I will admit to worrying about him overdoing things. But as I walked past a store (think it was Dorothy Perkins or somewhere like that) I heard Cindi Lauper’s song True Colours playing…

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realise
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
And that’s why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful,
Like a Rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

And I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
And that’s why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful,
Like a Rainbow


This song always reminds me of my beloved, as he’s like me in so many ways – hiding the pain that he feels behind a cold-hearted façade, and rarely letting anyone get close to him. But to me, he’ll always be like a rainbow – something rare and precious, just like his smile.

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be getting my stuff ready for the playpen tomorrow…

Back tomorrow if I get the chance…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Behind Blue Eyes

It’s funny how talking about music that you love can start you thinking about things. It happened to me last night as I was driving home having seen my beloved. We’d been talking about music that we both liked, and I said that one of my favourite songs was by The Who – Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes


In some respects, this reminds me of my beloved. I know he has trust issues (who doesn’t?) but it seems to take an awful lot to get him to trust anyone, if they ever manage to gain his trust at all.

Don’t get me wrong, as a person, he’s a lovely warm guy, but it’s only the very select few that ever get beyond the barriers that he puts in place. I guess this is done to keep him from being hurt. How the hell I have managed to get him to trust me is something that I have no clue how I achieved – only that I have done so.

As well as reminding me of my beloved, it also made me think about my own life. I’m the first to admit that I’m not exactly the easiest person to get on with – most people think that I’m a cold-hearted bitch.

And yes, I will admit to doing very little to dispel that notion with most people. But some how, my beloved seems to have blown open the very defences that keep most people away from me, and I don’t mind admitting that this scares me.

He has admitted that he wants me in his life, and has said that whatever happens, he will be there for me. If I’m honest, I’d given up on the idea of finding someone like this, who would be there for me, and come flying up to see me if I asked.

I once thought I’d been luck enough to find someone like that, but the minute I refused to play ball with his plans (i.e. leave my job & family and move south with him) then that all changed, because of my refusal and he dropped me faster than a plummeting lemming.

So, I learnt my lesson (the painful way as per normal) and learnt to hide behind the façade of an ice bitch, and didn’t really reveal anything of the real me to the people that were brave enough (or should that be stupid enough) to ask me out.

But something about my beloved managed to change my outlook on love & romance – or at least it has done where he is concerned. I’m never going to be one of those simpering fools that flutters their eyelashes to get something resolved (that sort of behaviour annoys the hell out of me, and my late father would be slinging lightening bolts at me if I even tried to do such a thing!)

But I will admit to trying to be a little more well, feminine when we are together and the circumstances allow it. I mean, it’s pointless turning up to a date at somewhere in heels and a skirt when I'm going to be climbing all over things to get photographs!

So I guess the meaning of the song is to show that the initial view of a person may well be wrong – just take a little time to try and get to know someone before you make a judgement. And I know that I may well have found someone who is like the person towards the end of the song – someone who will do anything to help in whatever shape or form that is required.

I guess I should call this entry quits – my dratted PC is telling me that it needs to re-start in order to complete an update from Microsucks…

Back when I get the chance..

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Preparing for another Bank Holiday…

Well, it’s the last day in the playpen for a few days, and I can’t say that I'm going to miss this place.

To say that I am getting to the stage where I need a break is an understatement. I'm heartily sick of the office politics and back stabbing that goes on, and the sooner it gets to 17:00, the better I'm going to feel.

Aside from the stupidity that seems to have become embedded, I'm looking forward to the bank holiday for another reason. I'm seeing my beloved tomorrow (he’s working in the morning, so that means I get to go shopping on my own – more on that in a minute) and am spending some time with Mum.

Tomorrow promises to be great fun, as it will be just about four weeks since I have seen my beloved, and to be honest, I have really missed him. Yes, I know I talk to him on the ‘phone everyday, but to me, that’s not the same as seeing him.

So, because I'm not seeing him until the afternoon, I'm making the most of the time on my own, and am going into Milton Keynes shopping. I’m after a few bits and pieces. Meaning that it’s a trip to La Senza (the bone in my favourite underwired bra broke yesterday, so I’m not happy about that) and I want to go and get a few other bits and pieces whilst I’m down there.

Sunday? Well that’s a day spent with Mum doing various bits & pieces to get ready for our escape at the end of June, and Monday? Well, I’m aiming to head to Leicester with Mum for a look around..

Ah well, guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back when I get chance (most likely Tuesday)

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

A miracle on Downing Street

Who said that miracles don’t occur? Just look at the one that has happened in UK politics this morning. The Conservatives & the Liberal Democrats have formed a coalition government – the first time since 1930 that such a thing has occurred.

David Cameron becomes the new PM, with Nick Clegg (the Liberal Democrat leader) becoming the deputy PM, with the various cabinet posts and other government jobs being shared by the two parties.

All I can do now, is just sit back and watch what happens, but if I’m honest, I doubt very much that it can be worse for me than the last 13 years have been.

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Things that make you go awwww

It's the silly little things that my beloved does that makes the day fly past - and this was one of them.

He sent me this picture:


With the message:

Thought I'd send this to you

It's the daft things that he does that makes me smile - and this is a good example of it.

Ah well, I guess I should be getting on with some w*rk, but I have got severe TNFI…

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

After the election, now the real politics come into view

Well, the country has voted, and declared a hung parliament. Not the sort of hanging that I would have liked (I doubt if there are enough lampposts in Whitehall for that) but one that means no party go enough votes to form a government.

So, it looks like Labour is going to cling on, in the vain hope that they can form a so-called rainbow coalition of the small parties in an attempt to keep the Conservatives out. On the other side, you have the Conservatives talking to the Liberal Democrats in an attempt to form a coalition to remove Labour.

I know that Gordon Brown, as the incumbent Prime Minster has the right to try and get some form of government sorted out, and if that falls flat on its’ face, then the leader of the opposition (David Cameron) gets to have a go.

It’s enough to make your head spin, and people are wondering why they bothered to vote, if the current government is determined to cling onto power by any means possible, and the other parties are looking to link up with each other.

Politics makes for strange bedfellows, and to be honest the sooner they get this sorted out, the sooner life can return to normal!

Ah well, time to call this quits – I want to get some peace and quiet!

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most

Zen Teachings

This got sent to me by a colleague, and I make no apologies for posting it.

Enjoy.


Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most


****************************************************

Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.


2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.


3. No-one is listening until you fart.


4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else..


5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.


7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.


11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


12. Some days you are the fly; some days you are the windscreen


13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.


14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ..... And most of that comes from bad judgment.


15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.


16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.


17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.


18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... Then things just keep getting worse.


20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Bank holiday blues

This is the first May bank holiday for about four years that I have spent at home. Normally, I’m with my beloved, visiting Brooklands for Auto Italia, but this year… Well circumstances have conspired to keep me in Warwickshire for once.

Not that I’m objecting – too much anyway, as it means that I avoid the birch pollen that always seems to make me so dratted ill every time I go down there. Ok – this year I would have known what the problem was (my asthma) and how to control it – in theory.

So, to make up for this, I decided to take Mum out. Or should that be we decided that we would go up to the Peak Shopping Village. Yes – this was for my own selfish motives (I’m looking for a new pair of black leather clogs, as I’ve kicked the living daylights out of my black nubuck ones!) Plus, it was a chance to get out of the area, and try to chill out.

We arrived ok (even though one part of the route was closed – thank god for Mum being able to read a map) and got parked with relative ease.

The first stop was a small bag store, which stocked a few pieces of Kipling. And that was where I found the bag that I had been considering. It was exactly what I had been looking for – the only problem was that the store didn’t have the colour I wanted (Wild Blue). Sod's law that – and I guess I should have realised that would set part of the tone for the day.



Ok – that’s a tad unfair. I struck out on the search for the perfect clog (plenty of nubuck, but no leather ones that I liked) but I was successful in Cotton Traders.

I’d been searching for a particular type of rugby shirt – it’s got a granddad style collar, and I’d not been able to find any. Well, this time I struck gold, and got two, as they are perfect for casual wear, without looking too casual – almost a smart casual I guess…

After that, we decided to head for a coffee in the little coffee shop. It’s quite depressing at times (not to mention expensive) and it wasn’t helped by some woman who’s laugh (Ok – cackle) would have put most witches to shame. But, it was a chance to sit down and talk about the next part of our travels, as Mum was (and still is) looking for a pair of shoes.

We decided to head to Masson Mill – just outside Matlock Bath. That’s a place that I really enjoy driving though, simply because the traffic is normally hell, meaning that I get the chance to have a good look at the bikes that had congregated. Normally, you get everything from little Vespa scooters to Harley Davidson motorbikes that cost more than the 207 – and have more bling on them than a US rapper.

This time, it was a real disappointment. Plenty of Vauxhall Corsas that had been modified in a vain attempt to make them look better (as you can tell, I’m not a fan of the Corsa) and a few run of the mill Japanese sports bikes, but nothing that had me wishing for heavier traffic so I could have a lingering look.

We got to Masson Mill, and pulled into the car park, only to be greeted with a sign that said that parking fees now applied. Ok – I can understand why, as it is within easy walking distance of Matlock Bath.

Mum and I paid, and I was directed to the best parking space for me (it was on the second floor). Not a problem and I parked ok, but I will admit to muttering about the placement of the steel support girders that made it a very cautious swing into the space.

We then headed into the mill, and had a wander around – which lasted all of about 15 minutes, with both Mum and myself saying that it wasn’t worth the parking fee and that we would strike this one off the list of places that we stopped at.

Getting out of the parking space was great fun. Not. Simply because of the way that I had taken the car into the space, it meant that I had very little room to swing the nose / front end of the car out, as I had a blasted great Lexus 4x4 parked beside me.

So, Mum was a real trooper, and helped me back out of the space by guiding me at the back and then carefully walking around the front end to make sure that I could start the turn without damaging my car.

Getting out was not a problem (thank god for a good throttle response in the 207) and it was time to head towards home, and think about stopping somewhere for lunch. Our usual stop, where we’re in the area, is a pub at Ambergate, called the Hurt Arms.

The food there isn’t bad at all, and it was one of the few times that I was cursing the fact that I was driving. Why? Because they had a speciality beer that was flavoured with passion fruit of all things.

Ok – I know I could have let Mum drive, but I prefer her to do the map reading for me, as that is not one of my strong points (I suspect that this may be an inherited trait from Dad, as he couldn’t read a map either – and he was a Queen’s Scout!)

So we stopped again at Belper, and yet again, that was a failure for the pair of us. But in all honesty, I wasn’t too worried, as it had given my car a good run, which is what it needed, as it tends to get short runs during the week, with me going to work.

Yesterday (Sunday), it was a case of heading to Bicester Shopping village. This place has delusions of grandeur, and to be honest, I would have thought it would have been better placed near Chester. But I digress.

The reason that we had decided to go (ok – the only reason) we decided to go was because there is a Kipling outlet shop down there. Ok – I know the stock is about a year out of date (if you’re bothered by such things) but it means that you can get some really good deals on bags down there.

I managed to get myself a new wash bag (it’s about time I had a decent one to travel with) and Mum managed to get a little handbag as well. After that, we decided to have a look around.


If you want designer labels - and I’m talking things like Ralph Lauren, Jimmy Choo (more on that in a minute) and Versace, then this is the place for you. However, I am not really a fan of designer labels - ok – I admit that my perfume is usually Dior, but that’s because I’ve worn their fragrances for more years that I am going to admit to.

Mum spotted the Jimmy Choo shop (yes – he of the super expensive shoes that everyone raves about) and dragged me in. Dragged being the operative word here. Simply because I loathe high heels (I can’t walk in the dratted things – give me a nice comfortable pair of loafers any day) and I honestly can’t see what all the fuss is about. From what I could see, they were extremely narrow, and overpriced. But, as I said, not my choice of shoe.

But there was further torture to come. Ugg have a shop down at Bicester as well, and again, I don’t see the appeal of the things. They look, well, ugly. As for the practicality – that was non-existent as far as I could see.

Simply because they are designed for Australian winters, which are cold and dry, not like the UK winters that are cold and bloody wet. Meaning that if you wear these bug ugly things out without waterproofing them, you have just ruined a pair of £200 plus boots.

So after we left (and thanked our lucky stars that we had gotten down there for opening time, as the queues for the car park were back to the A41) we stopped at the Bicester garden centre.

Now I’ve passed this numerous times on my travels, and have never thought to stop there. Ok, it’s a Wyevale garden centre, but there are quite a few shops there as well – including Lakeland and Cotton Traders.

This was far more to my liking than the blasted designer outlet (even if there was a Laura Ashley shop – not somewhat I had any intention of going near), and Mum and I were quite impressed. However, the garden centre wasn’t brilliant, and we both agreed that the only time that it would be worth going to would be if we had gone to the shopping village just up the road. So read for that, we won’t be back for about another six months at least.

Now onto today. Mum and I were at a loss to think of somewhere to go, and as we were linking up with Carole and her daughters, we decided that we would meet them down at Milton Keynes. The original idea had been to go to Worcester, but as the weather wasn’t good, we opted for Milton Keynes (at least that’s under cover!)

Mum and I got down there for about 10:30, only to see all the spaces at the front (nearest the shopping centre) all parked up. We were wondering if we would get a space to park, when I spotted Amber waving her arms, standing in a space that was just perfect for us.

So, Mum parked, and we got out, and were promptly cuddled by both girls, who seemed delighted to see both Mum and myself. I asked Carole what time the centre opening times were (they’re stuck on the entrance doors) and she told us that it was 11:00. All I could think was that I would be really miffed if I’d been paying £1.20 per hour only to discover that most of the shops didn’t open until 11am.

We headed to Burger King as our usual breakfast stop is in BHS – which wasn’t open and Amber and Elian were almost chewing Mum’s walking stick, as they’d not had breakfast according to Carole, as they wanted to have a bacon roll.

That wasn’t too bad, and we had a wander around various shops with Amber and Elian running interference for Mum (by making sure that people had to walk around them and Mum) instead of the other way around.

As per normal, we stopped in Waterstones (ok – Costa coffee) for a while, and I left Mum and Carole talking whilst I headed to my favourite shop – Lush. Simply because I’d run out of a couple of bits (and wanted a lump of conditioner to take on holiday) and the girls weren’t going to miss out on a trip to Lush without their Mum. Little monsters, the pair of them.

I got my Vanishing Cream (it’s a really good moisturiser that suits my weird skin) as well as my lump of conditioner. The girls got a few bits (think it was bath stuff – bath bombs and bubble bars) – mostly for Carole as a present, and I think it was a thank you gift for bringing them to Milton Keynes for once.

So it was back to Waterstones. I’d spotted a couple of books that I wanted – they were on a three for two offer, and as I knew that Mum had picked one up on the same offer, I thought it would be perfect. Only for Amber and Elian to disappear into the children’s’ section.

This was somewhat daunting for me, as I never venture into that area under normal circumstances. But I needn’t have worried. They’d spotted three books that they wanted – on the same offer as mine, and had gone to get them.

So we rejoined the rest of our party, and we finished off our drinks. Mine was a large vanilla latte, which Amber had designs on. I had to threaten to make her walk home before she would leave my coffee alone, and that only worked until she pointed out that Carole wouldn’t be so unkind to her. But, she did leave my coffee alone – I think it was the threat from her mother that she wouldn’t buy the books that the two of them had picked out.

It was then time to move and we headed to Debenhams. Now normally I avoid this store like the plague, as the cosmetic department stinks with the mixture of perfumes that seem to be squirted into the air.

This time, I was actually looking for a price of a perfume – Dior’s Dolce Vita. That was fine, until some pushy sales assistant started recommending the latest perfume from Dior – think it was Miss Dior Cherie (or something like that). She finally got the message that I wasn’t interested, when Amber asked if that was the one that smelt like toilet cleaner on me. Nice child, but it had the desired effect!

We then headed back to the car, where both Mum and I were treated to another cuddle from the girls, and we headed for home.

As I type this I am quietly mulling over this bank holiday. Ok – I haven’t seen my beloved, so I am a bit flat (ok – very flat) but spending time with Mum has been really nice – as we don’t really spend that much time together during the week, simply because I am not very sociable when I come home from work. All I want to do is chill out and ignore the world.

Ah well, I guess I should call this quits – I need to do some ironing so that I’ve got something to wear for the playpen tomorrow.

Back when I get chance…

Karen

Now some things you hold on to - and some you just let go
Seems like the ones that you can't have
Are the ones that you want most