Getting ready to escape…

As I type this, I don’t mind admitting that I’m nervous. Why I have no idea, but I guess that it’s just me being slightly apprehensive – simply because I’m heading south to spend a few days with my daft hog riding friend and his family.

Thankfully, he’s been a real darling and sent me directions, so all I have to do is read them and follow them to the point where we’re supposed to meet up...

Aside from that, I gave Mum her birthday present last night, and I half expected her to lynch me as she realised what I’d bought her as soon as she saw the bag it was in (no – I didn’t wrap it up – I just about had time to draw breath on Wednesday, let alone get the peace and quiet to wrap the present up!)

What I’d bought her was a piece of studio glass – from the Okra glass factory. It was a one off piece made for B W Thornton in Stratford, and as soon as I saw it, I fell for it.

Ok – I knew that I would end up going there for Mum’s present, but I had no idea what to get her, and was totally open minded about what I got – the only limit being that I was unwilling to pay more that £200 for whatever I decided to get her.

Admittedly, £200 sounds an awful lot, but given that Dad and I had bought one piece for £350 (which is truly spectacular), I felt that it was a reasonable level to set. In the end, the piece was very reasonable - £60!

Mum was over the moon, and said that it was just the sort of thing that she would have bought, and that she knew as soon as she saw the bag what it was likely to be… I just neglected to tell her that I’d taken yesterday morning off to get it for her!

I also had to go back to Warwick hospital yesterday... I was due to see the sawbones about my shoulder (which is no better - more in a bit) and also got my ribs checked over. The ribs have healed, and I've been given the all clear to start riding again, as long as I wear my body armour!

However, the shoulder is still giving me serious grief, and I don't think I've done myself any favours by refusing the cortisone jab that the sawbones wanted to do yesterday.

The only reason that I refused was because I'm heading south today, and I have no intention of going to see a good friend when I'm in pain with my shoulder and suffering from the after effects of the cortisone jab. So, it's off to the hospital on July 6th to get the jab in the shoulder.

Until then, I'm going to have to grin and bear it, and hope that I'm not too bad tempered after the drive this afternoon...

Guess I should call this entry quits – I’m supposed to be working, not blogging!

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Tears, frustration and irritation

Today has not been a good day for me. It started off when I had a row with one of the girls in the office, as I refused to go to the quiz night next month. Why? Simply because it will be two years to the date that my Dad died – and I have FAR more important things to do, other than watching the members of my department making complete fools of themselves with their lack of knowledge on world events.

To compound a rotten day in the office you can add into the equation the mere fact that I’m still in pain because of my trip to the chiropractor (who’s still trying to finish putting my vertebrae back into their correct positions), and you get an unhappy tigger.

The final straw that broke the tigger’s back was when the alarm went off for no apparent reason. Which is why I’m sitting at my computer at 00:23 updating my blog – thank god I’m off today, otherwise I would be completely wiped out.

Mum knows that I’m off in the afternoon, but she doesn’t know that I’ve booked the morning off so that I can go and get her birthday present – and I haven’t got the foggiest idea what to get her!

Time to call this quits – I need to get some sleep if I can…

Back when I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Actual annoucements...

I've always been a fan of this sort of thing, and I just couldn't resist posting them..

Enjoy.

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1."Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2. "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3. "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4. "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall...’."

5. "We are now travelling through Baker Street... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that.”

6. "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

7. During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."

8. "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!”
(Pause.)
"Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

9. "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions."

10. "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."

11. "We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."

12."To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

13. "Please move all baggage away from the doors.”
(Pause...)
"Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.”
(Pause...)
"This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways!"

14."May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Why we like the British - From British Newspapers!

This got sent to me, and I just couldn’t resist posting it….

Why we like the British - From British Newspapers!

1. Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.”

(The Daily Telegraph)

2. Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.

(The Manchester Evening News)

3. Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

4. A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common.”
(The Times)

5. At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

(Aberdeen Evening Express)

6. Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Let go of the past

Your journey has moulded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. There is no shortcutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.


No regrets. As we become more aware, we begin to realize that there's a purpose to everything that happens. This builds our trust, and supports us in being willing to be more open and daring to really experience life as it unfolds.

I don't think anymore needs to be said.

Karen

Learing to fly, but I don't have wings

Hell explained by chemistry student.

This was too good not to post….


Hell explained by chemistry student.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don't have wings

Danger – incoming jokes…

Can’t I tell that my friend is back from sick leave. The jokes are coming in thick and fast – and only some of them are postable! This was one of the ones that did make me smile….

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look:

"That's a lovely fire engine,” he says admiringly.

“Thanks” says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.

“Little colleague,” says the fire-fighter, “I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.”

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

“You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f**king siren, would I?”

Another joke that came from the same source also made me smile….

One of Florida's finest senior citizens went down to his local Chevrolet dealer and bought a brand new Corvette convertible. Heading off the car lot and down the road, he floored it and enjoyed the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75.

Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a Florida State Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man as he stood on the gas pedal -- 80, 120, 150, 180 mph.

Then, he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the Interstate and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the Corvette.

"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said: "Fifteen years ago, my wife
Ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the trooper

And a final thought…

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving,” says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus,” says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Good news from the front

Well, my friend is back from the hospital, and has been told that he snores. Ok – not breaking news as such, but they (the hospital) have said that he may need a small operation, which may or may not cure his hearing problem.

He won’t know what the verdict is until he goes back to the hospital in six months time, but until then, he can’t really do very much apart from put up with it.

Suppose I’d better call this quits – we’re short staffed due to some meeting or other, and I’m suffering from a severe case of TNFI…

Back later if I get the chance.

Karen

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Knackered, and glad it’s Friday

I slept like a log last night, but I’m still tired. I guess it’s as a result of going to see the chiropractor, who managed to put several of my vertebrae back into position, after I was kicked by Flame.

Ok – I admit that the body armour took most of the impact, but there was still damage done. Thankfully, my chiropractor has been able to sort most of it out, but I still have to go back to see him on Tuesday night to finish the job off.

Aside from that, I’m worried about my daft friend, who has to go to the hospital today, to see what can be done about the ringing in his ears. The poor guy has been suffering with this for quite a while, and he’s finally gotten fed up enough to get his GP to do something about this for him.

Guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working, but to be honest, I can think of quite a few places that I would rather be, other than here!

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings.

Another joke…

Amazing what I get sent – and I’m afraid this is so true….

New Staff Recruitment Procedure

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone, come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks - put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them - put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order - put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other - put them in construction.

If they are sleeping - put them in reception.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces - put them in IT.

If they are sitting idle - put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved - put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day - put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window - put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least:

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved – congratulate them and put them in management!

Karen

Learning to fly but I don’t have wings

Feeling more awake…

There’s something about talking to a good friend at lunchtime to make you smile. I was talking to my friend, and he sounded so much brighter than he has done for a while. He said that he’d been to see a chiropractor, who’d put four vertebrae in his lower back into position.

He sounded so much brighter, and said that he has to go back on Saturday morning and on Monday as well, as he has some problems that the chiropractor was hoping to be able to cure for him. He’s hoping to be much more mobile when I go and see him the end of this month.

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend don't break, baby don't back down

That made me smile, and I admitted that I was going to be going to see my chiropractor tonight, as I’ve still got problems with my back – but this stems from when I got kicked, as I somehow flexed my back, and managed to put things out of position.

We got talking about other things, and he made me laugh quite a bit – which still hurts my ribs, but it was well worth the pain as he always manages to make me smile… Especially as he said that the weekend I was down there, he was going to make it a really good weekend for the pair of us…

Getaway - ya know it's now or never
Getaway - nobody lives forever
We’re only waitin' just to make our getaway

Guess I should think about doing some w*rk, but I have to admit, I’m suffering from a severe case of TNFI…

Back when I get chance.

Karen
Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings

Tired little tigger…

Ever had one of those occasions where you just couldn’t settle down to sleep? Well I had one last night – simply because I was worried about a friend.

Because he’s off sick as a result of this accident, his company are making it plain that they think he’s pulling the wool over their eyes, even though he’s been signed off by the doctor, and has been told that they want to reclaim the money that they pay him whilst he’s off from any compensation that he may get.

Needless to say, he’s not very happy, and has admitted that he is going to start seriously looking for another job.

As for me, well I did my best to settle down and get some sleep, but it was a combination of factors that stopped me – the pain from my shoulder (which is still playing up), the pain from my ribs (which are still healing) and the worry about my friend.

I know what he’ll tell me – that he’s ok, and that I shouldn’t worry about him, but it’s easier said than done, as he’s off to the doctor’s today… How do I know this? Simple – he sent me a text message this morning:

…. I’m going to my docs again today, so I’ll let you know when I get back and what I’m doing…

I just hope that he does manage to get something sorted out, as the poor guy can’t keep on like this, and more to the point, he needs to be able to sort things out with regards to his job – because all it’s doing at the moment is flattening him, and making him unhappy – not to mention ill.

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time

But, at the end of the day, all I can do is act as a shoulder for him to lean on, and give him a friendly ear that he can bend when he needs it…

Guess I should call this quits – I’m supposed to be working, not blogging.

Back later, if I get the chance.

Karen.

Learning to fly, but I don’t have wings